All Yates Bars will be nuked from orbit when i finally kick off the Revolution.
There are two schools of thought that I’ve witnessed: one is that it should be full and stodgy, and the other, light and airy. Regardless though, if it’s smooshy, it’s probably a frozen pud that has been microwaved. Disgusting.
One point to bear in mind in this thread is that while most British pubs still do food, that is a bonus: they’re primarily drinking holes and are attended because of this. The correct thing to do really is to nibble crisps, peanuts and scratchings while drinking on a predominantly empty stomach, then fill up when drunk at a curry house, chippy, or kebab van.
I bemoan the fact that all my friends are now dispersed all over the area, and my office is in the middle of nowhere so everyone has to drive, meaning Thursday/Friday night piss-ups are very rare.
Quite so jjimm I mean what’s the point of eating real food in a boozer, real ale yes. As you say, nuts, crisps, scratchings are proper pub grub and a curse on those who say otherwise.
Just a small nitpick, one doesn’t * have* to be rat-arsed to fill up on the required curry/kebabs/chips…altho’ it does help
Wrong my friend.
Vindaloo = Nuclear
That’s the one complaint about a night out at the Newhampton. It’s so close to home, we’re back in five minutes and there’s nary a kebab shop in sight. It’s not so unusual for 'im indoors to wobble back from the pub and then cycle drunkenly up to Chapel Ash for what he assures me are the best kebabs in the whole world. I’m a vegetarian, what do I know?
Are you telling us that you allow your beloved to cycle drunkenly to the kebab shop. :eek:
You may well be a vegetarian but you’d never forgive yourself if he was to fall off his bike and drop his kebab under a 53 bus. 
For shame woman, for shame.
Gerrof yer arse and fetch the kebab, you know it makes sense 
Don’t worry, the number 53 bus stops running long before we make it out of the pub. At that time of night he’s far more likely to lose his kebab to the madness of Mohammed the taxi driver!
I’d get it myself but he knows I’m lethal enough near pushbikes when I’m sober, give me a couple of pints of Old Curmudgeon’s Throckwarbler and I’d be more of a danger to mankind that George Bush with an itchy trigger finger.
Indeed, but for the full matter / antimatter experience, you want a Pahl.
Isn’t phaal a made-up dish aimed at drunk British males keen to show how hard they are?
Quite possibly. I can barely manage a tikka myself. The point still stands.
You can barely manage a tikka???.
Ye gods sirrah, that’s only slightly above a korma in terms of heat/ spice., only babies eat tikka/kormas.
Time to wrap your laughing gear around a Madras my son and work your way up from there.
Unfortunately it’s not a matter of will not but cannot. Or rather, I can, but the results are messy. 
So in other words, eat your shorts?
scratchings?
Indeed. The horror. Pork Scratching World
We have those in the States, we call them pork rinds.
The puff pork rinds don’t look all that great but original, now that looks good! I can imagine on top of a couple of pints, that would go good!
Pork scratchings along with nuts and crisps are an essential part of the British piss up.
The idea is to scran a few bags of each down ones gob and then embark on a merry sojourn to the nearest ruby house.
Having ensconched oneself + drinking pards, at a table you then order, in this order.
- Beer
- Poppadums
- Beer
- Curry (to your personal taste)
- Rice or chips
6.Beer.
Once the whole lot has been shovelled down you pay the bill and call a cab.
Arriving home the first thing you do is to put a couple of toilet rolls in the fridge, curry is always hotter coming out than going in
If the better half is in the mood, wink, wink, you try it on but after an excess of falling down water usually fail to …ahem… rise to the occasion.
Got that?
These days there’s normally a random shitty purchase made on ebay at somepoint between those two as well.
“Ooooh Sting’s “Lute Music” on Vinyl and its only £45!!!”