I pit **TicketMaster **for being a complete sack of shit.
A $28 ticket, after “fees,” is $70.25 because of “building facility,” “convenience,” and “delivery” fees. Oops, I forgot the “order processing charge” of $4.50. My bad. Assholes. Just tell me the price up front, I don’t give a fuck what each penny is going towards, I really don’t. I can afford it, but don’t try to be sneaky lying spineless bastards and tell me the ticket is $28, because it isn’t. And I KNOW it doesn’t cost $20 to send me a fucking ticket in the mail, try 34 cents. Assholes. Wait, how much is it going to cost to use the restroom at the concert? Can I pay for that too please? Don’t forget the janitor’s tip, please include that in the cost of my ticket. Mother fuckers.
Does a taxi driver say his ride is 2 cents per mile, plus gas, plus tire wear, plus money for air fresheners and dispatcher’s fees? Fuck no, if you tried that shit in person you would get a busted lip.
Fuck you TicketMaster. I’m going to buy the ticket because you are the only fuckers that sell tickets for this show and I want to go *that *badly, but I hate you. I hate you so much that I pit you. I hope you get herpes from a goat and die.
Seriously. From a goat and die.