One page into my garage sale copy of Left Behind and I’m pissed off enough to pitch LaHaye and Jenkins onto the bonfire along with their stupid book.
In the fourth paragraph of the lousy book, the ridiculously named hero, Rayford Steele, is thinking about his wife. Here is a direct quote (italics mine): “Irene was attractive and vivacious enough, even at 40.” Well, fuck you both! Sideways!
Jess (who likes to think she is still both attractive and vivacious despite her advanced age)
Even worse…
A Christian book club catalog just came to my mailbox today. I have no clue why I got a Christian book club catalog in my mailbox, as, last time I checked, I was not Christian.
Anyway, not only do they have every dreary Left Behind book (all 8 of them so far…Hubbard’s the only comparable author to these idjits in both size of story and quality of same), but near the back I see a blurb for a book called, wait for it…
The Act of Love after 40 by Tim and Beverly LaHaye.
AIGHGHGHGHG!!! Please, somebody burn my eyes out with something sharp and very, very hot! I cannot now get the image of the LaHayes having wild, hot monkey sex out of my brain! Who do I sue?!
To the folks at the Christian Family Book Club, making a poor innocent unsuspecting recipient of your catalog go blind is not the way to get into Heaven…
A: Consider the source.
B Having met you at the DC Dopefest last weekend, I can verify that you are indeed attractive and vivacious, or in Rat Pack speak, “You’re one hot tomato, baby!”
C: Plus everyone know that women only get better as they grow more mature. Boys can play with kittens, but it takes a real man to handle a tigress.
A: Consider the source.
B Having met you at the DC Dopefest last weekend, I can verify that you are indeed attractive and vivacious, or in Rat Pack speak, “You’re one hot tomato, baby!”
C: Plus everyone know that women only get better as they grow more mature. Boys can play with kittens, but it takes a real man to handle a tigress.
Goboy ( I may be gay, but I ain’t blind)
I’ll second, goboy there. Most definitely. LaHaye and Jenkins can smooch my wrinkly old butt.
Well I see goboy and UncleBeer have beaten me to it, but I’m going to chime in anyway at the risk of sounding like a “me too” post. I mean what I say, though.
Jess, I also met you in person for the first time at the St. Patrick’s Day Dopefest last weekend, and I am in complete agreement that you are quite attractive and vivacious.
jayjay, I imagine the LaHayes fall quite a bit short of “monkey sex.” Probably missionary only, with all the lights out, completely clothed except for having the necessary naughty bits exposed.
Over 40 here, and still gettin’ the sweet young things to turn their cute heads from time to time…
And then there’s when you see some cutie reading one of these books. Proof that there is no God.
I guess the LeHayes are all wrinkly and decrepit from constant kneeling on hardwood floors.
Wouldn’t only one of them be kneeling?
Ooooh…you mean at CHURCH…
Hey, Jess, if I were a guy I’d do ya.
YUCK! Are you trying to make me SICK?
Jess, you ROCK, honey, and I mean that in the most carnally suggestive way. I’m almost forty, and I…well…
I was going to insinuate something just then, when it occurred to me that one of your close personal husbands might read this post.
Whassup, Commander Kevin? Just kiddin’, sir.
As far as you know.
Frankly, Jess, I think you’re remarkably well-preserved for a woman of your advanced years. (kidding - I’m kidding!!) Anyway, age is merely a state of mind, ya know, and um, well, consider the source of that quote…
Seriously, I wish I’d been half as attractive and vivacious as you when I was 40. Still, with the big 5-0 approaching, I like to think I’ve got some life in me. So as far as the idiot, a pox upon him and his withered nether regions…