This real woman would say, “You aren’t getting resin on my bread knife. I’m about to use it to cut our cinnamon bread. Did you want some butter on that?”
Now that would work!! 
BTW
Did you want some Russian Tea or egg nog w/ your hot bread?
techchick, I am definitely not a wimpy woman! Having been single for 34 years and having been in some of the situations I have been in…you learn that if you wait around for a man…it may never get done. So, I have changed electrical plugs from twist locks to 5 pins. (Ok, I don’t remember the names of the connectors, but, I know how to get the right part.) I have changed out a rusted metal elbow joint under the kitchen sink. I did have to borrow a plumbing wrench for that. I am great with a band saw and other carpentry tools because I was the Asst. Shop Supervisor my senior year for the Theatre Dept…I was also the properties mistress for 2 years.
I just don’t own the tools!! Maybe, I have a deep desire to someday marry a man that has the right tools. Who knows, maybe I’ll always have to borrow tools…
I might have to get one of those too!! As I was writing out my experiences above, I also remembered that I had to borrow that same tool on two other occassions. Once when I connected my gas fireplace, and then when I disconnected it!
- Putting the train back on the track.
- Massages
- When you need that look that let’s you know you are cherished.
- When you need that look that let’s you know you are desirable.
- When you need a hug or two
- When you have a “funny” to share and it’s too late or early to call anyone
- To roll up against during the night
- To kiss
- …losing my train too!
BTW
I can do amazing things with a man’s tool.
Those would be called “sockets”. Sockets are not much use without the special wrench thing that was made to turn them.
If it was possible, I would have too many tools.
So, P.W., how you doin’
Little Tigger, I’m sorry you lost Tammy. It sounds like you loved her very much. I don’t need to know when you lost her, but it sounds like you’re still having a difficult time dealing with the loss. You can certainly tell lme to mind my own business, and I will, but have you considered maybe getting some grief counseling?
Boi Toi, LOL! You’re SO cute! I’ll take a gay man if he can meet all 14 criteria I listed, but somehow, I think he may have trouble with the sex part, since he’d be attracted to men and not little ol’ me. *Still, a fantasy of mine is to be so bewitching that I turn a gay man straight. [giggle] You never know, though. Someday, I just might succeed. So, BoiToi, are you offering your services, Sweetie?
*I don’t mean this in a mean way. I do respect the fact that gay folks are attracted to folks of the same gender and that homosexual and heterosexual folks generally don’t choose to be either gay or heterosexual; it’s just they way they are wired. Still, a girl’s gotta have some kind of fantasy life. 
ChromeSpot said:
quote:
Originally posted by celestina
I REALLY need a man to:
1–respect me – Check
2–be intelligent – Check
3–snuggle, cuddle, and just in general be VERY naughty with Check, check, and check
4–pamper me even sillier than I already am – willing to work on that, pending measurement of current level of pampering
5–father and help raise any kids I want to have
– settle for a dog?
6–lift heavy things – check
7–take out the trash – check
8–clean up the house – ooh, could be a deal-breaker
9–do the laundry – check, with ironing split down the middle.
10–cook dinner – willing to split. Do you like chili?
11–fix things that break – I have the tools
12–protect me from harm – check
13–explain what goes on in men’s minds – either:
a) you got five minutes? We can get this all over with today, or
b) life’s too short. Let’s just stick with #3.
Regarding #4, currently I’m the only one pampering myself, and so far that’s been just fine. I’d like to take it to another level by having a fella pamper me even sillier. That’s as much measuring as I know how to do as I’m terrible with numbers and math stuff.
For #5, I already have a dog, Shnookums, whom I love dearly.
For #8, yes, that is a real problem because I’m incredibly lazy, but I like to have my clutter in a clean house.
For #9, I’m terrible at ironing. I generally iron more wrinkles into clothes than they had to begin with. But, much to my mother’s dismay, I can get away with being wrinkled. I once went to a formal function wearing a silk sheath dress that I’d left balled up in my closet for months. It was wrinkled forty ways from Sunday. I got SO many compliments on it, however, because folks thought that was just the way the material was supposed to be. I didn’t bother to tell too many folks the real truth. [giggle] Dressing well really is all about attitude.
For #10, Sometimes I get in the mood to cook, but generally, I’m just really lazy. I do like chili just so long as it’s not spicy.
For #13, well, I don’t know. Options “a” and “b” sound like the same thing, which is covered in #3. I view #13 as different because I really would like to take my time and do some empirical research to figure out what’s going on in fella’s heads.
None of y’all answered #14. 
Missed 14, it was on a separate post. Of course 14.!
Back, neck, feet, butt, any other parts especially in need? BTW, this really comes under #4.
Hmmmm. I had to saw off part of the base of a Christmas tree once and lacking a saw I attacked it with an old bread knife. I am here to tell you that this is not an intelligent thing to do. The base of the tree is loaded with resin which makes trying to saw through the tree very difficult. It took almost an hour and ruined the knife. I bought a tree saw the next day.
A leatherman tool would work about as well as the bread knife for tackling a pine tree base.
I’m an independant woman well capable of taking care of herself.
I seduce men to have built in spider killers.
Finally, MC admits to being a woman who wants the man to kill/chase away the bugs! Is there a guy oput there who hasn’t gotten the call to “Come get the spider/cricket/etc out of the kitchen/bathroom.”?
BTW, I have a small hand saw, a hacksaw, standard saw, tree saw, and jigsaw. I am ready for the tree.
I need a man right now. I’m cold and I need a cuddle-buddy. 
Naw, it’s usually ME they call! I’ll never forget going to a friend’s place for our church group one night, and arriving to find blankets over the doors and a dozen people in a state of extreme agitation because a sparrow ( That’s right, a SPARROW!) had flown in! They were afraid it would fly into the glass part of the door, hence the blanket, although why they didn’t just open it…
Anyway, I caught it and had it out in about five minutes.
I love tools too. No, REAL tools, you perverts! I inherited all of my Dad’s collection, and bought a few of my own. Kid, the Younger and I built a new porch rail and repaired the front steps a few weeks ago.
I was going to add #15, spider removal, but I see it got mentioned already. Even though I own a tarantula, I really hate the local nasties, especially a little gem called a St. Andrews Cross, which has a perfect cross in a circle on it’s back, and up to a three inch legspan :eek:
For those, (Among other things!) I call Mr zoogirl!
Chrome Spot said:
"Missed 14, it was on a separate post. Of course 14.!
Back, neck, feet, butt, any other parts especially in need? BTW, this really comes under #4."
You’re right. Massages certainly are a form of pampering. Whoo! There’s something to be said for a man with skillful hands. [celestina fanning herself]
I have tools! I linger over the hardware ads lovingly and covet those special dream tools. I’m hoping to get a Dremel tool this Christmas, as a matter of fact. I don’t need anyone to kill bugs because we have a catch-and-release policy for everything but cockroaches, which I kill (to be sure they’re dead).
I also have a heterosexual man lying around here somewhere. The sex is great, but he has yet to pick up any dog poop. Is there a tool to fix that?
I need a man to do yucky things like taking out the trash, picking up dog poop, and emptying the litter box.
Tools? I have those. Jigsaw, circular saw, various coping saws, hand saws, hack saws, orbital sander, belt sander, 3 Dremel moto tools, 2 flex shafts, a homemade clamp for using the Dremel w/flex shaft no-handed, vise grips in various sizes, a c-clamp vise grip, pliers of all shapes and sizes, channel locks, wrenches, hammers, screwdrivers, various third hands/locking tweezers/clamps of all sizes…
…at least that is what I had… most of it is still in boxes from moving because until this house we haven’t had room to put it anywhere… and on at least 2 occasions we’ve had boxes get stolen. So I only assume I still have the stuff.
I love making stuff, fixing stuff, rewiring stuff… I once made a lawn flamingo into a porch light. It rocked
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by celestina *
Boi Toi, LOL!.. So, BoiToi, are you offering your services, Sweetie?
Awww, shuxxxs… But…
At the rate my love life is going, I’ve actually considered it. At the basest level, it’s certianly better than nothing at all, at the furthest reaches maybe I’m missing something after all. But mind you, I still need to get dicked around every now and again.
When we meet we can wrestle with the idea…
Awwww. {{{{{{BoiToi}}}}}} You’re so sweet to virtually agree to try make my fantasy come true. I really like fellas who have open minds and who can wrassle, but still let me win in the end.
Things I need a man for:
hugs
kisses
general touchy-feely-gropey-grabby
I was going to say sex, but after the solo session I had last night, I’m not so sure. The orgasms were absolutely mindblowing. I’d certainly prefer having someone to help, though.
As far as stuff around the house, if I don’t want to or can’t do it myself, I generally hire someone. But it would be nice to have someone to move big heavy things and kill the bugs that my cat isn’t interested in eating.
Dang. Only four out of five…
In fact, I just got a really cool Klein 5-in-1 screwdriver! Woo-hoo! My husband thinks it’s really awesome to heare his wife say “There’s no such thing as having too many tools!” Of course, if he lays his mitts on my 5-in-1, he may lose one of them.