I know; don’t these people realize how stupid that look’s?!
For a refreshing alternative to bad plurals, how about no plurals? I refer to Chinese grocers. Since the Chinese language has no plural noun forms and apparently gets along fine without them, why bother to use them in English? So the Chinese groceries put signs in the window:
Egg roll
Bamboo shoot
Bean sprout (etc.)
But this doesn’t bug me; it looks quaint. I keep having this fantasy of going in and buying just one bean sprout.
I second, third, and fourth the ones about foul language around people with whom one isn’t well acquainted, but may I extend that? People whose every other word is foul, regardless of the company at hand. Now, I’ve been known to use the occasional “f” word here and there. But I do it when I really mean it - people who know me know to take it seriously when that word issues forth. For people who use it all the time, what can they use when they really need strong language? It’s like the boy who cried wolf.
People who marinate in cologne. This includes my inlaws, who are currently visiting my home. I will have to launder my slipcovers and shampoo my carpets when they leave to get the smell out. I am not kidding.
My husband, for reasons known only to himself, says “sim-you-lar” instead of “similar”. Drives me nuts.
People who say “orientate”. The verb is “to orient”. Other business-speak: The use of “transition” as a verb. “On a going forward basis.”
Mark me down for the apostrophes and quotation marks, too. ::looking at all of the quotation marks in post to make sure they’re used somewhat correctly::
Check out the vB message above the posting window: “Changes: Messages CANNOT be edited by their author. Messages CANNOT be deleted by their author.” In both sentences, it should be authorS.
Finally - wet dog smell.
[hijack] - if you check this thread, it wasn’t OpalCat complaining about other people making lists of three items so much as adding a bogus third item to her own such lists that started the “Hi, Opal!” phenomenon.[/hijack]
[ul]
[li]Impulse shoppers who cannot control the urge to purchase that one last thing at the checkout counter after they have already paid. Impulse Shopper: “Oh, and I’ll take this too.” Me (next in line): “That’s fine. Just go back to the end of the line and wait again for the right to complete another transaction.”[/li]
[li]Fast food workers who are unable to correctly read the order screen to make my specialty order. I hate onions and refuse to pick them off. I said “no onions,” so make it that way.[/li]
[li]Bartenders who squeeze the garnish into your drink. Captain and coke is made to be drunk without lime. While I can take the lime itself out, if it has been squeezed in the drink is ruined.[/li]
[li]Barbers who suggest that I might not know the best way to wear my hair. Look, I’m paying you to cut my hair. If I tell you to cut it a certain way and I don’t like it, it’s my fault. If you cut it the way you think it should be cut and I don’t like it, who am I going to blame? Tough question, I know. Your tip is riding on it…[/li][/ul]
And so many others…
I’ve got more:
[list]
[li]Women walking down the street mid-day looking like they just wandered out of a brothel. It’s 50 degrees outside and you are wearing a leather mini-skirt and a sparkly halter. Freak.[/li][li]Anytime I see anyone doing somethign conspicuously trendy. Stick-on body jewels. Robin-egg blue eyeshadow. I am absolutely not lying here: a girl who sits behind me in World Archaeology walked in with braided blonde hair today. She told her friend it was “a nod to Christina.” Aguilera? You’re nodding to Christina Aguilera? What the fuck is your problem?[/li][li]My usual route home from school was all fucked up today: there was an accident in the Tunnel and it was closed. I took a detour through the city. No biggie. I get home and called my mom to warn her not to take 95 North becaue there was an hour delay. She says, “You were stuck in traffic?” I say, “No, I took 395 to Pratt and then got on 40 all the way home.” She is shocked: “You really know you way around the city!!” Gee mom, I’ve lived in Baltimore my entire life. I spend 15 hours a day some place other than this house, in my car. Did you think I drove in circles around the block? Why wouldn’t I know my way?[/li]My brother used my $30 set of watercolors to make a “card” for his fuck-buddy that he then threw away. The Titanium White, Prussian Blue and Bright Yellow tubes are now empty. He also used all the black and all the Burnt Sienna oil paint - the tubes are $8 a piece. He then stole my Calligraphy pen to write down something and used a whole Peacock Blue ink cartridge ($2). He refused to pay me back because I “left them out.” Can I shit in your shoes then, crapface? You left them out. Can I spit on your food during dinner and vomit in your iced tea? You left them out.
Actually, “orientate” is a verb too, according to my dictionary. (I prefer “orient” myself just because it’s shorter.)
How’s finishing school going, dear? Drop-kicked Miss Manners yet?
P.S. “That’s Ms. Bitch to you, asshole!”
Chicks who can’t stop fiddling with their G**damned hair!!! I’m talking constantly–and I mean constantly running their hands through their hair–sweeping it back, curling a lock with their fingers, sweeping it back again, running their hand through it, curling a lock. Over and over and over. Grrrr!
Do these idiotic cretins think they are glamour girls? Red-hot babes? Do they have an issue with intestinal worms that somehow translates itself into a hair compulsion?
Sit still, you *#&@& bitch!
Okay, gotta set this one up:
You’re on the bus, and can see the guy up ahead at the stop.
He’s puffing away on his cigarette nonchalantly when he sees
the bus coming. He now starts really loading up on the smoke, taking one real big toke before stepping on and putting the token in the meter…only then,when he’s actually on the bus, does he exale all that smoke.
Polluting MY air, ya bastard!
My mother does this and it bugs the shit out of me. If we’re out to eat and I get dessert, she always comments, “I’ll have just a bite of yours.” She then proceeds to eat right along with me, bite for bite, talking about how “bad” it is, and how “bad” she is for eating it, calculating how many calories/fat grams/carbs are in it, blah, blah, blah. I don’t mind someone tasting a bite of what I have, but if you were gonna eat that much, get your own! And stop with the freaking commentary about the nutritional value!! I know it’s full of sugar, it’s dessert!
I just know she is completely in denial…“Oh, Kinsey got dessert, but I just had a bite, so it’s okay.”
Grrr…
I set her hair on fire and they threw me out. 
Those persons who do not follow through on their commitments bother me a great deal. Keep your promises, please.
I’m also peeved by my own frailties. Begone!
Dog hair, everywhere…
People who, when they hear there is going to be a snow storm, run to the local Shop Rite and stock up like it’s going to be war, turning the whole place into a warzone. It’s freaking snow, people. We’ll live through it (guess who just spent an hour waiting on the express line?).
Ebay buyers who go in at the last minute and bid a huge amount, knocking your bid out. And ebay sellers who have someone do the same thing, and then e-mail the second highest bidder saying they “happen to have a second copy”
they will sell for you at your highest bid. Stop slamming and flushing on ebay.
When someone breaks wind in a public place,
and then then the smell lingers for hours. Can’t they at least try to control themselves?
When a complete stranger touches me on the arm because
he or she wants me to move out of the way, or I’m not walking fast enough to suit them.
When someone wants me to move out of their way, and they go. “Hrumph, hrumph!” to express heir disapproval of me.
I happen to be handicapped, and wish people would understand that I don’t walk slowly on purpose just to annoy other people.
Hello, Opal!
<hijack>
Sorry, I seem to have caused some problems in the way that i was explaining the Hi Opal thing. don’t take my word for it, I’m just a newbie…goes and crawls up in a corner to sob at her wrongness
</hijack>
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it in real life, just on TV, but I don’t like it when American flags are hung incorrectly vertically: that is, the canton (blue part with stars) is on the upper right-hand side, not the upper left-hand side.
But then again, I’m a flag person.