My cousin Darla sent me this. Our grandparents are from Arkansas, so we recognize all the references.[list=1][li]If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly.[/li]
Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
[li]Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.[/li]
[li]Remember: “Ya’ll” is singular, “All ya’ll” is plural, and “All y’alls’” is plural possessive.[/li]
[li]Get used to hearing, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”[/li]
[li]Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying: they can’t understand you either.[/li]
[li]“Mom’n’em” is not one person. When someone asks, “How’s your Mom’n’em?” They are referring to the whole family.[/li]
[li]Be advised that “He needed killin’” is a valid defense here.[/li]
[li]If you hear a southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this,” stay out of the way. These are likely the last words he’ll ever say.[/li]
[li]When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere and the rest learned to drive while road hunting in the back roads. In both cases, this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.[/li]
[li]Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that their mammas taught them how to aim.[/li]
[li]Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.[/li]
[li]Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit, it is the whole kit.[/li]
[li]Rasslin’ is not fake. Don’t dare whisper otherwise unless you want a kind-hearted southerner to fix your busted head with duct tape.[/li]
[li]Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and gravy.[/li]
[li]Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good ole boys. Jeff Gordon isn’t.[/li]
[li]Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting coyotes and armadillos on the Ark.[/li]
[li]If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way. Some southerners view that sound like pay-off bells at a slot machine.[/li]
[li]Don’t be surprised if an obituary mentions that the deceased requested to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”[/li]
[li]“Ya’ll come back now, ya here,” is a temporary statement. We love Yankees to visit, but damn Yankees are those who decide to stay.[/li]
[li]If you decide to stay in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call 'em biscuits.[/list=1][/li]
~~Baloo
This is a common Yankee misconception, and a personal pet peeve of mine. I don’t want to speak for those in the deepest of the Deep South, but here in what I call the Mid-South (specifically Kentucky), “y’all” is second-person plural. “You” is used correctly as a second-person singular.
I’ve lived in KY for 24 years now, and I’ve been all over the region, and I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a legitimate Southerner use the word “y’all” as a singular. I have, however, frequently heard it used that way by non-Southerners doing a bad Southerner impression, and actors on television playing Southerners.
In general, I like the South and it’s manners pretty well. Very friendly people, but not a place to go if you are clueless, rude, or have a smug attitude about yourself or where you come from.
There is a little corner store nearby, run by some guys who are obviously from another country. I had not asked where they came from, because probably every red neck in the area has asked “Where ya’ll from, Boy?”
I went into their store in search of tomatoes. Every rural store here has tomatoes.
“We do not have tomatoes.”
“No tomatoes? Where ya’ll from?!?!”
“Greece. We come from Greece.”
lmao! That list is pretty funny. I’m not from the South, but about half of it could describe my hometown anyway. My one correction is that those four guys in a truck would have a lot more than a 12-pack between them. More like a case.
And asking for unsweetened tea will get you a dirty look (happened to me in Alabama).
Same with asking for a barbeque sandwich without the cole slaw on top (happened to me in North Carolina).
And my favorite Southernism: a quote from a waitress at Waffle House (somewhere in South Carolina): “If you did’n want grits, why’dja order breakfast?”
Nothing is funnier than a Northerner imitating a Southern accent, except maybe a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
“Oats-a grain that in England is fed principally to horses, but in Scotland supports the population.”
-Dr. Samuel Johnson, Dictionary of the English Language.
AMEN!!! I’m not one to block quote the whole thing too often, but this can not be emphasized enough, especially the last part about ignorant non-Southerners. “Y’all” is never singular!!! This does go for the Deep South as well.
But don’t get me started on the sweet tea. I’m from the Deep South and I never had anyone bring me sweetened tea until I moved to North Carolina (which is considered just a little too close to Yankee-land to us further south).
