Yeah, there are a lot of celebrity couples nowadays where the female partner is taller, and wears high heels anyway. That 1950s dictum that a girl MUST date taller guys has been crumbling for a while, though it’s left a lot of toxic anti-short-guy prejudice in its wake.
Here are some examples:
Yeah, venting here is cool and safe. But rather then “get over it” I suggest “own it” - as others are saying if you can take good care of yourself, you can rethink your height and turn it into a strength. I like the comment that confidence will add a few inches. It’s unlikely someone will make your height an issue as an adult, and if they do, f*ck them! You wouldn’t care about what people think about you if you knew how little they did.
I got dealt the male pattern baldness card. Started losing my hair in my 20s, receded hairline and bald patch up top in my 30s. By the end of my 40s I had the whole Ceaser thing going on, and at 50 I decided to just “own it” and shaved what was left off entirely and keep it that way. It was liberating, empowering, and really helped my confidence. So, all I am saying is find a way to embrace who you are an own it - go all-in on yourself.
I’ve thought a difficult aspect of being short that hasn’t been mentioned much is that one can’t easily buy adult clothes. I have a cousin and a great aunt who both are about five feet tall. They’ve each always found they can’t just go to a store and buy flattering adult items. It’s better now with search engines but still the difficulty kind of tainted their self-images.
I know it sounds peripheral but thought it might be okay to bring this facet in this interesting thread.
IANAD but our friend may be suffering from body dysmorphia and cannot literally just “get over it”.
Even with an obnoxious level of confidence and sexual prowess in bed, some people can’t get over it.
SATC fans?
Samantha Jones shallowly rejects a confident man who drives her wild in bed because he’s short. Her loss.
If dysmorphia is the issue, then professional help might be appropriate.
So I have a question for you… Let me give some background first. I’m (female) 5’2.5" last time my height was checked…it has been a while…I have probably shrunk a bit since then (now 67 years old). My height has been a mildly annoying issue due to clothes being manufactured for people whose leg length would require me to wear stilts to wear the same garment and the fact that products in grocery stores are always on the top shelf at the back, requiring me to “borrow” (usually the wives laugh, one didn’t and followed her husband to monitor how he assisted me — definitely a story there…) someone else’s tall husband (mine is 5’4.5" and does not shop with me) to reach the item. What I do find that happens that really bothers me (and it does not happen to my husband…maybe because he is male…maybe because 2" makes a difference) is that I literally get people attempting to walk through me like I am not there. They will literally keep walking straight at me (They are looking at me…not their phones.), without so much as diverting their path slightly, so that I can do like-wise, but I actually have to take a massive step to the side to get out of their way. So the question: Do you find people trying to walk through you due to your stature, or is this just something that happens to short older females? I get that short is annoying; I can deal with annoying, but not being treated as “invisible”. And as an added note: There were studies (mid-late last century) in business regarding hiring practices and tall people were hired more readily due to their height and perceived effectiveness than shorter people. Have you noticed this personally? I haven’t.
I’m 5’ 6" and have experienced the same. Even had some women openly make fun of me at college for being short.
I recall reading the results of a research study that showed the vast majority of hetero women prefer men 3" and 6" taller than them.
It’s discrimination, and it’s blatantly unfair (because we have no control on our height). But no one cares, so we simply accept it.
But while the dating scene is much tougher for a short man, there are women out there for them. It just takes a lot more time, patience, and perseverance.
Short people are systematically discriminated against in hiring, promotion, and political elections. This is called heightism. There are scientific studies confirming this. I was one of the founders of the short rights movement in the fall of 1971.
This is a great avenue for the OP to address his frustrations and feelings of unmanliness.
With a shorter frame, he can likely put on muscle easier than a long, lanky guy. With shorter limbs, he doesn’t have to push the weights as far, so he’s likely to be able to lift more weight, too.
I’m not saying that it’s a guarantee, but starting a workout routine is a huge step in the right direction.
Danny Padilla, one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time, was 5’2". They called him the giant killer because he routinely beat guys that were taller than him.
Does anybody think that he’s unmanly?
(actually, considering the lack of body hair, and the small posing trunks, maybe don’t answer that)
The driving thing can be fixed with a plan. What’s preventing you from driving? Do you just need to sign up for the test? Do you need to learn how? There are driving schools.
As for the other stuff, have you tried counseling and possible medication? You might be amazed what an antidepressant can do for you.
I have other thoughts that might make people see right through you, mostly because 5’2 ¼" for a woman isn’t terribly short. Is there anything else about that is not, for lack of a better term, mainstream?
I used to be close to your height (now I barely hit 5’0"). I went to high school with a 6’11" basketball star. I would literally almost walk into him in the hallways because he just didn’t register to me up close when all I could see was his belly. And evidently, I didn’t much register with him, either.
Yep, I have to borrow people pretty often. Once at the grocery store I asked a fellow to reach something, not noticing that he was actually not much taller than me (but could still reach it better than I could). He looked at me in delighted surprise and said, “Nobody’s ever asked me that before!”
I posted this a while back:
Middle age and becoming “invisible” - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board
IME it’s a combination of height and age. It’s especially annoying when a******s of average height or above declare that we’re imagining it, or that we’re doing something to cause it.
Oh he’s manly alright, for certain values of “manly.” But a lot of straight women are attracted to a much less exaggerated physique, which is achievable (for people who don’t face exceptional physical/health challenges) by eating responsibly and exercising reasonably vigorously (probably including a bit of weight-lifting, but nothing insane) on a regular basis.
Anyway,Moriarty’s post offered a great example of how being 5’2" doesn’t mean you can’t be buff. And here’s one example of a guy (no idea how short or tall he is, it doesn’t matter in the least) who takes care of himself without getting as muscled as a body-builder. Speaking as a straight woman, I promise you a lot of us would find that so appealing we wouldn’t think twice about height or lack thereof. And getting that fit is not out of the question for a young man with determination unless he’s got underlying health issues or other physical challenges.
It’s certainly true that many women aren’t particularly attracted to the bodybuilder look, but I don’t think that concentrating on some percentage of body fat is a good solution either; that sort of thing can lead to eating disorders. Being reasonably fit is a good idea for multiple reasons, but focusing either on maximum muscle or minimum fat is likely to be a bad idea. It may work out for a few people, but you don’t have to be one of them.
Again, find the things that fit you — most people have more than one, but people don’t all have the same ones — and find something useful and interesting you can do in those areas. And find the people who respect that. There are what, eight billion plus people on the planet? You don’t need a high percentage of them. And yeah get some exercise if you can, but find some form of it that you like.
Completely agree. That was just some random photo I selected; the accompanying text does not reflect my views. Sorry about that.
I have had a discussions about this with several women and the consensus was ignore the haters.
I believe there is someone for everyone. That means you…any you.
I’ve hesitated to put my two cents into this thread because I agree there probably is a difference between being a 5-foot-7 guy and being 5-foot-2. But that being said…
I’m a bit below average male height and it has never been an issue for me outside of sports (more on that in a moment). In fact, an old girlfriend of mine who I remain close with mentioned this recently. Apparently she has a male friend who claims to have woman problems because of his height. She remarked, “That’s certainly never been an problem for you, has it?”
Humbly, I have to say it has not. I’ve had way more than my share of female attention, enough that I never thought to question my height in the equation. I’m no Lothario, but I have always had an outgoing personality and I am confident about what I’m good at. In hindsight, I think confidence is the key. Not cockiness, but confidence and a willingness to engage with people fearlessly. People notice confidence and I believe women respond to it. I wish I’d known that as a teenager.
I realize it’s easy for me to say, “Go out and project confidence” when I don’t know a person’s circumstances. If there’s nothing much else going for you in life, develop a hobby and engage with people on that. Any interest or activity.
The only time my height has been an issue was in sports like volleyball or basketball. So what did I do? In volleyball I specialized in defense and setting and became very valuable to my teams. In basketball I became a ball handling and passing specialist. Which is to say, I worked with what I have. And I can tell you, I’ve made a few much taller athletes look foolish by out-playing them.
If all else fails, there most certainly are women out there who don’t care about height and are attracted to other traits. I know this for a fact and also because I’m attracted to certain female traits which aren’t the norm, which sometimes surprises the women I date. I don’t care about large breasts, for example.
The world is a big place with lots of people. Get out there.
Confidence, competence, and kindness. That combination will get you the respect and interest of a whole lot of people, no matter what you look like. It won’t be sexual interest from all of them, of course; but you don’t need or even want that from everyone you want respect from. And it will be from some.
Getting the competence will help get the confidence; when you know damn well that you’re competent, it’s a whole lot easier to be confident. Recognize that absolutely nobody is competent at everything. Find the things that fit you, get competent at those, find other people who think those things matter. And be kind. There are, unfortunately, people attracted to cruelty; but, even aside from other considerations, they’re unlikely to be kind to you.
As a short man, 5’4", this has been my main problem with my height in life. Women have “petites” stores. Men have “Big & Tall” stores. There are no “Short & Average Build” stores. I had to buy a sewing machine and remember how to hem pants from high school Home Ec class so I could stop rolling them up like a kid wearing hand-me-downs.