Did you know that Bill Brasky fought in the war?! He stuck his arm down a German artillery canon, yanked the shell out and threw it right at Hitler! He got the medal of honor and then punched Truman in the face! That’s Brasky!
If you’re not familiar with Bill Brasky, read these Brasky transcripts and then add your own tale of Brasky.
Did you know Bill Brasky performed his own liver transplant? He was chasing the Smurfs out of their village, killed them all and stole their livers and tied them together to make one big one for himself! Now he pisses blue Kool-Aid! TO BILL BRASKY!
I eat my poo
He has a summer house in Jurassic Park.
You know Bill Brasky eats three gallons of Raspberry yogurt every damn day?
One time, I ate all the Krackle candy bars out of the bag of Hershey’s minatures. Brasky said if I did that again, he’d reach down my throat and pull my testicles up into my throat so I choked to death.
You gotta respect that.
When I was kidnapped by Colombian drug lords and they demanded $10,000,000 before they let my sorry carcass go, Bill Brasky went and had a child out of wedlock with EVERY SINGLE ONE of my female relatives. Well doncha know ol’ Bill trained each and every one of those tykes in the darkest of ninja arts and sent ‘em to the jungle rescue me. They put a shoo-ree-can in the eyeball of every guy in that camp, and once they untied me they kicked me in the nuts. Told me ol’ Bill’d was busy sirin’ a team of bushwackers to help with the rest of the job.
TO BILL BRASKY!
Here’s to Bill Brasky! A 26’7", seven-ton, IQ 350, clairvoyant supertaster and speedreader who saved my marriage by sitting on my wife until he crushed her into an extremely dense grease splat, then thwacking her against the garage door until she came to her senses.
Say, jevver hear tell about the time Brasky solved the Black Dahlia murder, got confirmed to the Supreme Court, and formulated a new proof for Fermat’s last theorem, all before his 11 o’clock coffee break?
To Bill Brasky!!
Bill Brasky once single handedly saved an entire burning apartment building of kittens, then drank 100 gallons of water and put the fire out with his piss!
Bill Brasky !!!
Did you know Bill Brasky once faught the Mongols with me? A bunch of horse archers chaged up the hill to get a good shot at us, and you, old bill jumped up to the first one, picked him up, and beat all the others to death with him.
TO BILL BRASKEY!
Next thing you know you’re in a van down by the river!
Wait a second…
Bill Brasky once climbed to the top of Mt Everest, without a guide, then jump across Eurasia and landed on the top of the Matahorn!
To Bill Brasky!!
Bill Brasky once saved a drowning boat full of nuns and then introduced them to Jesus as his personal accountant.
I’m under indictment for racketeering.
(Is stared at by the others)
Cecil Adams can kick Bill Brasky’s ass.
Bill Brasky was once approached by the Loch Ness Monster (who wanted tree fitty) so he picked that ol’ monster up by the tail and swung him around in the air until the monster was all like “Ow! Dammit, that’s my tail!” and then Bill Brasky let go and the Loch Ness Monster sailed off into space and landed on Altair-4 where Robby the Robot nursed him back to health and manufactured 50 gallons of high-octane booze for him, which the Loch Ness Monster gathered up and took back to Earth in hopes that Bill Brasky would be happy with this peace offering and give him the tree fitty, but Bill Brasky just drank up all that booze and then pissed into Loch Ness for 6 hours straight and raised the pH level so high it killed all the Loch Ness Monster’s houseplants, and the Loch Ness Monster had to move to Lake Michigan.
To Bill Brasky!
Well, Bill Brasky eats his poo, and your poo, and my poo, and EVERYBODY’S DAMN POO!!1!
And then smiles and comes back for seconds!
Bill Brasky’s poo was used as a weapon against the Viet Cong!
TO BILL BRASKY!
Brasky’s mom mixed his baby formula with worcestershire sauce. Because he asked for it that way.
The movie “Weekend at Bernie’s” was based on an experience Brasky had with the corpse of Thomas Jefferson.
When Brasky needs a new wallet, he cuts the skin off a living cow and sews it together with kitten entrails.
Bill Brasky is the bastard offspring of Jesus Christ and a cyborg from the 34th century!
Bill Basky once built an entire satellite communication system out of 3 paper clips and a gummy bear. The he jumped from the Sears Tower into orbit to personally place the satellites!
To Bill Brasky!