I once heard on the radio that a in a survey on sex between couples, women stated that the most satisfying sex they had had, was during marriage.
I don’t know how true this is, ofcourse.
the conclusion the survey drew, was that women still seem to need the security of marriage, the promise of the partner to stick by her, even when she grows old and less attractive.
I don’t know what the percentage of women was that stated this.
i used to be anti marriage, too. It’s only since i’ve been with my current bf, that I can actually understand why someone would want to get married. Divorce needn’t be a problem, if you marry with prenuptials.
I think that, in effect, marriage is a two-tier thing. It exists on a personal level, between the two people involved, and on a public level in such a way that the greater community acknowledges the bond between those two people where possession, taxes, and offspring are concerned.
Because “common law spouse” has now been introduced, the need to marry for public reasons has eased, and it is now more a commitment on a personal level.
How do you feel about your finacée referring to you as her husband?
You call her your fiancee. Which means at one time you agreed to get married. If you don’t intend to get married, you need to find a different word.
I got married because that “piece of paper” was important to my husband. It wasn’t to me (I’d been married before to someone who didn’t take the idea seriously). He is an atheist. Our ceremony was six minutes in front of a judge with no mention of god. We did drop a couple grand on a party for 150 of our friends and relations following our six minute wedding, but it wouldn’t have been necessary.
The biggest benefit (pre-kids) was having a word to describe our relationsip. Pre marriage I was “the shameless hussy he shacked up with” and he was the “Godless heathen I shacked up with” - husband and wife are so much easier to say.
Once we decided to have kids - which you can do without being married - there was a huge benefit to us in that we wouldn’t have qualified to adopt our son without the “peice of paper.”
There are legal rights you will have (inheritence, a right to her pension when she dies, a right to a part of her social security if it turns out to be greater than yours) that you won’t have without marriage. These may or may not be overriding considerations to you. I know that - given our net worth - I could be SO hosed if my husband died without being my husband.
Why do you think none of these statements are right or wrong reasons for marriage? Why would only a person who is not ready to get married ask these questions? We are both sure we want to spend our lives together, but we want to know what would be better for us, a state of marriage or not. So far I’ve received a lot of good factual information. The reasons MandaJO gave also have gone through my mind. It does mean a lot to me how we present ourselves to the world, and it was nice to see it in her words. Thanks MandaJO.
You might want to take a look at the nolo web site. Their website provides a lot of good legal information, and they also publish books on the subject (and many others). Nolo.com
