To move, or not to move. Or where to move. Argh!

I could really use some help from our urban-dwelling dopers–especially those who have or used to have long commutes.

I live in one of the outer boroughs of New York. Until a month and a half ago, I had the holy grail of New York living situations–an apartment I loved, in a neighborhood I loved, with a job I loved that it didn’t take me too long to get to (45 minutes in either direction, with a seat at least most of the time.)

But now my job location has changed to an area of Manhattan that’s particularly far from where I live. So I have a job that I still love, an apartment that I still love, and a neighborhood that I still love, but the commute–my Lord.

If I’m lucky, it’s an hour each way, standing in a packed subway car, contorted into a weird position to keep holding on, with two transfers.

If I’m not lucky, it’s an hour and a half each way, standing a packed subway car, bracing myself against the juddering, shaking, and squealing of the train. With two transfers, and my head right up against some guy’s sweaty armpit.

Quitting or changing my job is out of the question. I love what I do, and there aren’t many opportunities to do it and make a decent living. Professionally, I have the best deal possible, and I’m not giving that up.

So, I’m looking to move. I’ve been looking at apartments and such for three weeks now, and I keep walking away feeling miserable from each one. There really isn’t a neighborhood I like as much as the one I’m in. And, for about $200.00 more per month than I pay now, I could get a mediocre-to-crappy shoebox apartment somewhere safe (but not necessarily all that nice) closer to work. Or, for more or less the price I’m paying now, I could get a really nice apartment in a Crack-and-Boarded-Windowsville with a quick commute. I’ve decided the second option is out.

It breaks my heart to move, but the physical stress of standing and bracing myself on the train for 2 to 3 hours a day is driving me nuts. My diet has gone to crap, I’m sore all the time, and my social life has dwindled to nothing because I just don’t have the energy for it. On Sunday, I decided to treat myself–not to a nice restaurant, a visit to somewhere special, or a wonderful novel, but to a day of staying in bed, not being on or thinking about the train at all. That’s just sad.

I’d love to find a way to deal with the commute, if possible. That way, I could stay in my neighborhood and my apartment. Those of you with long, physically stressful commutes–what do you do to make it work out OK? Those of you who used to have long, physically stressful commutes–was moving worthwhile, even if the place you live now isn’t as nice as where you left?

I’d love to hear your perspectives on this.

As for destressing try to make use of the time you have at work. When I’ve had a heck of a day I will tuck myself into the privacy room in our office or go to the last stall in the bathroom and just take 10 minutes with a book and the quiet goes a long way to keeping me together.

Also go to www.mta.info and take a look at all your train options and see if you could possibly take a less crowded train. When I lived on the west side I used to take the 2/3 in the morning and be crammed in shoulder to shoulder with angry people until one day I left a little early and caught the 1, which was half empty so I got a seat and it only got in 10 minutes later than the express! I started leaving early every day just for the ability to take the local train instead of the express because the commute was so much better that way.

As far as moving is concerned, what neighborhoods are you looking at and what is your price range?

I live in a fabulous 2 bedroom apartment in East Harlem for very low rent. We love it and our neighborhood is incredibly safe but a lot of people hear “harlem” and freak out like drug dealers and hookers hang out on the street corners or something. I’ve also run into my share of winking and nodding along with, “Oh, I could never live there because I wouldn’t feel safe!” which is obviously code for, “But black people live there!” but if you don’t need a doorman and can handle a little ethnic diversity I would highly encourage you to come check it out. If you’re interested I can also PM you the name and number of the agent who found us this place and she might be able to help you find something that is a better fit for your lifestyle in a neighborhood you would be comfortable living in very quickly.

Not knowing where you live and work, I would also say look at if there is possibly an alternative to the train – an express bus, a commuter train, water taxi, whatever. Maybe you can take a bus to LIRR, or something like that?

You might get some good advice is you say what the points A and B are, if you want to share that.

You don’t say what kind of work you do, but is there any chance you could do at least some of it from home?

Thanks for your suggestions.

As it turns out, I just got a new apartment, in a good area, with a quick and easy commute. Woo-hoo! I’ll be moving in by the end of July.

pbbth–I used to live in East Harlem, about 1 block from the east side of Marcus Garvey Park. It was pretty nice. I think many parts of Harlem get a bad rap.

I don’t really want to post specifics about what I do for a living, where I work, where I live now, or where I’m moving to. Stuff like that could ID me, and I suspect that some of my coworkers are either active or lurking Dopers.

If, for some reason, you’re curious about that stuff, please pm me.