You’re sweet and courteous to the customers. You’re chatty and friendly and giggly with our other co-workers.
But me? I could be crushed dirt underneath your toenails and you’d probably treat me better. I come in, say hi to you and compliment you on your new haircut, and I get an angry glare of death. I try to ring something up at your cash, and you snarl at me. I stand at my co-worker’s counter writing something down, and you make snide, bitchy comments about me to my face (“oh, no, [other co-worker], I wasn’t talking about you…”).
What the hell? I’ve called you out on this before, and it’s just gotten worse. My boss knows you’re being rude and tells me you’re just bitter-tempered and angry by nature–you’ve always been this way.
Look, if I’ve actually done something to offend you, come out and say it, okay? Most likely I’ll apologize and do what I can to make up for it. Otherwise, knock it the fuck off.
I have one of these I work with. A principal at an elementary school no less. Even others who’ve noticed have asked her what the deal is and why the Bus Guy is satanic to her. No one’s gotten an answer from her beyond a glare and silence.
Keep up with being overtly pleasant to her, just treat her like you treat everyone else, but just one degree nicer. It’ll drive her up the wall, and it keeps you clean in the situation.
I had one of those once. He had a huge hate on for me. We had a bunch of friends in common, and they were mystified by it too.
The only apparent reason for it was that, until I came along, his name was always at the top of our “Most Calls Answered” list, but I took him down. Bizarre, because I couldn’t have cared less.
All you can do is keep being sickeningly nice to her. It will make it harder for her to keep being horrible to you, and will win the sympathies of your co-workers. The smug sense of superiority doesn’t hurt either.
I worked with a girl like that. She’d be working the service desk, and if I asked her for change, or whatever, she’d roll her eyes, snarl, etc.
I could have put up with it, except she acted this way around the customers. One time, I needed her to do a price check, and right in front of the person I was waiting on, she snapped, “What do you WANT?!”
So I just mentioned to our supervisor that while I didn’t care if she liked me or not, I wasn’t going to put up with her acting that way in front of customers. Completely unprofessional, and extremely rude. They must have said something, because after that, she was more polite. As for the breakroom or other, I just ignored her anyways.
Sometimes, you can’t make people like you, but you CAN indeed complain if said coworker is doing this in front of customers and other coworkers, if only because it reflects poorly on your business. Don’t frame it like, “I don’t know why she doesn’t like me-what did I do?” Instead, make it more, “Look, I’m not asking to be her best friend, I just want her to act like an adult in front of our customers and coworkers.” Use words like, “unprofessional” or “inappropriate for customers to witness.”
The best you may get is that she’ll just ignore you, but it’s got to be better than the grade school antics.
Last week, I had to have a “Help Me Jesus” moment with another co-worker (actually she works in another office, but I have to interact with her on a semi-regular basis).
For about a month now, there’s been some tension between us. It started when I found out she’s been spreading lies and false rumors about me, as well as shitting on my reputation and quality of work. In front of people who work under me. When I first found out that all this was happening, I sent her an email asking her (politely) to cut it out. Come talk to me if you have problems with me, I told her. She didn’t respond but I thought she got the message loud and clear.
Last week, I found out that she was STILL shit-talking. My labmates were comforting and supportive, but I went home so depressed and angry that I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I realized that I couldn’t let myself feel that way ever again. So I decided to confront her, straight up.
“Do you have a problem with me?” I asked her.
She had a problem with me. And we argued about whether or not she was justified in feeling angry with me (you’ll have to guess what decision we reached). When the dust settled, we both exchanged sincere apologies and promised to do better respecting each other. We even hugged. She’s still not my favorite person in the world, but I no longer hate her. And while I hope she doesn’t hate me, at least I know I’ve done all I can to establish a positive working relationship with her.
I felt like I had to confront her. My morale was on the line. I also know that if we hadn’t reached a truce (which is still iffy), then I would had to go my boss.
If you feel like it’s affecting how you do your job, I would say something to either her or to your boss. You shouldn’t have to deal with such shit.
One of my aunts, of all people, is like this. It’s so strange. I hadn’t seen her since I was a little girl, then we were “reunited” at my granfathers funeral a couple of years ago. This woman hates me, and I have no idea why. At first, I thought it was because her and my mother never got along (the woman was married to my mother’s brother), but she was perfectly pleasant to my mother, who was standing right next to me. No, all of her hatred is reserved specifically for me, a girl she hadn’t seen since childhood.
And we’re not talking mere coolness. No no. She was introducing her new husband to the family and as she went down the line she’d say hello and give a hug and kiss. When she got to me, she looked at him (never once making eye contact with me) and said “that’s lezlers,” continuing to make her way down the line. To this day, it’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen and no one can come up with an explanation. It’s become a bit of a joke, actually.
I think it’s pretty funny. The amount of pure energy this woman expends hating me, and making it known to everyone else how much she hates me, is baffling. Mostly, because I couldn’t possibly have done anything to make her hate me. Like I said before, I hadn’t seen the woman since I was 12, and even then, maybe twice a year. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever had a one-on-one conversation with the woman in my entire life.
Why not say so to her, in front of everyone lezlers? Point out what you did here, that prior to the funeral you hadn’t seen her since you were <age>, and you don’t understand what you could have possibly done at that age to cause such offense. Bring it up as a person trying to mend rifts, of couse. See what she says, if she says anything.
I’ve thought about doing that, but what it all really boils down to, is that I don’t care. This is not a kind woman we’re talking about. She has a history of petty, vindictive, downright mean, behavior. So I never much cared for her myself, surely not enough to expend the effort to try to figure out why she insists on putting on a big show of hate.
I prefer to act totally, completely oblivous. Mostly because I know it drives her insane. There’s nothing worse when you’re making an extra special effort to let someone know how much you despise them, than them being completely oblivious. If she’s going to insist on acting like a 12 year old herself, that’s exactly what I’m going to treat her as.
