Can a mod let me go back and edit my fucking post? Obviously, I didn’t swear enough. If enough of us do it, we might be able to make her head asplode.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
BTW, anyone who calls themselves a “dog mom” is no grownup.
I hope you’ll all pardon my fucking hijack, but I’d like to tell you all about my fucking rescue dogs. I fucking love those fuckers.
I fucking got Frankie, a fucking 8 year-old corgi-dachshund mix, from a fucking rescue shelter near my fucking house at the time. The fuckers who had him before got their fucking house foreclosed on and fucking returned him. Before that, he’d been a fucking stray. I don’t know if some cocksucker had abandoned him or if he’d just been fucking born to some other fucking stray dog. Either way, he’s 13 now and will live out the rest of his fucking days being fucking loved and fucking well cared for.
A couple of fucking months later, I decided I had enough room for another fucking dog. That’s when I fucking adopted Sammy from another fucking rescue shelter nearby. He was a fucking two year old chihuahua min-pin mix. The cocksuckers who’d had him before turned him in to the fucking kill shelter, most likely after fucking abusing him all his fucking life, where he’d been put on the fucking kill list for being fucking “timid,” which was fucking bullshit considering that it’s not exactly a fucking unusual reaction to being taken out of your fucking home and put into a fucking concrete cage. Anyway, the fucking rescue shelter got him out and I’ve fucking loved having him and Frankie as fucking members of my fucking family.
Lately I’ve been fostering some fucking dogs too. The first little fucker, Goliath, was a fucking chiweenie that had been fucking rescued from a fucking high kill shelter with another fucking 129 dogs ahead of a huge fucking adoption event. He was somewhat fucking timid; I think the cocksuckers who owned him before had fucking abused him. He just fucking stayed over night and was fucking adopted out pretty fucking quickly at the fucking event. I got to see a fucking picture of him with his new fucking human brother having fun in the fucking hot springs nearby, which made me really fucking happy.
I fostered a fucking bitch puppy, Ella, a few fucking weeks ago until she could be fucking spayed and put up for fucking adoption. Again, she was adopted pretty fucking quickly at the fucking adoption event a couple of fucking days later and I got to see the happy fucking picture of her with her new for-fucking-ever family. It’s been very fucking rewarding and I can’t wait to fucking foster even more poor little fuckers.
Does anyone else have any fucking rescue stories? I’d love to fucking hear them!
The latest parkwads…
The setup:
New parents walk into the dog park with two frolicsome puppies on leashes and pushing a baby stroller with their baby (don’t know if it was neutered) inside.
The suspense:
They are charged by about 8 dogs coming to greet them, bounding in and out and around, while the parents flail in panic
The aftermath:
8 dogs run away tails wagging, greeting accomplished. Mom ineffectually bats at the mud globs covering the recovered diaper bag. Dad is at work detangling the leashes from the stroller’s structure while one puppy jumps in and out of the stroller muddying up the baby while the other puppy tries to cinch up the leash knot tangles.
Nope. After their bass player went into rehab they picked up a session player. I think he’s still with them.
Do you fucking kiss your fucking dog with that fucking mouth??? :eek:
And I do have a fucking heartwarming fucking rescue fucking story. A few fucking years ago one of my coworkers fucking found a picture of an American fucking bulldog online whose fucking previous “owners” kept him locked in a fucking garage all day and only fucking gave him fucking food and fucking water once every few fucking days with nothing fucking soft to lay on. Poor fucker had both ears infected, a fucking fuckload of eye problems from fucking gas/paint/chemical fumes, and fucking skin rashes from the chemicals and laying on bare fucking concrete all day 
So she and her son fucking drove 6 fucking hours to pick up the poor fucker from the rescue agency, and they nursed him back to fucking health. Now he’s a happy, healthy, friendly fucker, except he still has fucking bald spots on his belly and legs.
He also fucking weighs 110 fucking lbs and is totally bossed around by her fucking cat, which weighs about 6. He’s a big fucking patsy 
Are you my neighbor? Do I live next door to George Romero? Do you Know DJ Qualls? So many questions…
I’ve never owned a fucking dog in my life, but we’ve had a fair number of fucking rescue cats and I’ve fucking loved all my goddamn wonderful cats. The neighbour who lives behind us is a fucking great person because she’s adopted rescued dogs, rescued from the fuckers at fucking puppy mills. (I mean from a rescue who busted the puppy mills, not from the puppy mills directly.)
Trying a new tack, asshole sock?
Strainger! Your fucking rescue story was just abso-fucking-lutely awesome! I’ve been laid up by a nasty case of the fucking flu for four days, and reading your post made me laugh so hard, I fucking cried. Bravo!!!
Oh, and by the way, my little bitch Molly is a rescued fucking stray, and she’s the best doggie ever. Even though she’s ignored my repeated requests to get off the fucking bed and go make me some damn herbal tea, and bring me some fucking TheraFlu, she’s still been great to have around while I’ve been recuperating.
I think we’ll make a trip to the fucking dog park together when I fucking feel better. 
More like a minute and a huff.
Maybe she birthed said dog. Didja ever think of that, huh? Will, didja?
If she did, we need to get Ripley’s on that shit.
That’s totally true. If you google dog parks assholes this thread is the 3rd result.
I think you missed one, shouldn’t that be your fucking coworkers?
That was fun.
Why the fuck isn’t it #1?
Anyway, our dog Scotch had an awesome potty mouth that sounded kind of like my wife’s but higher pitched. She would say stuff like “Of course I love that fucking dog treat you dumbass, shithead, fucking idiot fuck human. Fuck. I’m going to fucking devour this shitballs thing.” I can’t really do it justice.
RIP Scotchie, I miss that gal.
Well, fuck-a-duck. That’s the way to wake a zombie thread.
“Wow, thanks Grandma… you really shouldn’t have!”
Well, get them before they are spayed or neutered and you’ll have much greater success getting dogs and cats that still want to fuck.
I fucking love this thread.
I fucking saw this back when the fucking dinosaurs walked the fucking earth. Its the most amazing fucking pit thread I’ve ever fucking seen. For your pleasure