To some of the assholes at the local dog park

The BBQ Pit
1

You, you fucking cocksuck, why the fuck are you bringing your aggressive, un-neutered dog to an off-leash park? Was it a total lack of common sense? Or did you miss the large sign posted at the front gate warning that it was against park regulations to have un-neutered dogs running around? Get fucked!

I knew you were going to be trouble when I saw you coming from afar, because before I could even make out the fucking breed of your hideous mongrel, I could see the ugly hypertrophic scarring all over his throat and hindparts. Oh, and for future reference, when your dog is snarling and growling at the other dogs, you can’t absolve yourself by throwing up your arms and saying, “Oh, he’s usually pretty dominant. I’m not surprised that he’s being a little rough.” Don’t stand there looking at us as we’re pulling our animals away from him. Grab him by the fucking collar and haul his ass away. Take him out of the goddamn park. He never should have been there to begin with.

And to the imbeciles bringing their three-week old puppies to the dog park: what the hell are you doing? Your puppies are too fragile, their immune systems too undeveloped to permit them to carouse with the animals here. They haven’t even had most of their vaccinations yet. They can very easily catch something that would kill them. Not to mention that they’re too small to play with the other dogs. Some of the animals here don’t have a lot of restraint. They don’t know how to play with an animal that’s roughly the size of a softball. Some of the larger dogs could literally trip and fall on one of your puppies and crush it. Notice how all of the other owners are recoiling in horror and giving you a wide berth? They’re trying to preserve your puppies against your total lack of comprehension.

And to the yuppies with their brand-new plastic Chuckit! toys, their bright yellow undirtied tennis balls, and their groomed and manicured showdogs, if you don’t want your animal getting dirtied up wrestling with other dogs, don’t take them to a fucking public, off-leash dogpark. We’re a very dog-friendly town. There’s at least three more places that I can name off the top of my head that would better suit your anti-social behavior.

I told you all of this as politely as I could manage given the circumstances. When I found you whipping my dog with your fucking up-scale plastic bullshit dog toy because he was trying to solicit play from your precious pure-bred Snookums, you’re lucky that all I did was snatch it away from you verbally emasculate you in front of your wife. I very nearly began whipping you with it.

And don’t feed me that bullshit about my dog acting aggressive. It illustrates a complete fucking lack of understanding about dog behavior on your part. Had your dog been bitten? Was she snarling? Did she have her ears pinned back against her head? Was she in a defensive stance? No? You want to fucking know why? It’s because she wasn’t feeling threatened by my dog, you stupid asshole. Yes, my dog was bumping into your dog to try to get her attention. He was being physical, granted. But by no stretch of the imagination was he bull-dozing into your dog or knocking her around. In addition to nudging against her, he was also licking at her mouth and falling down on the ground in front of her, exposing his belly. That’s not a sign of aggression. He was trying to get her to wrestle with him by making himself vulnerable. How you could possibly interpret him rolling around on his back as acting aggressive toward your dog is just fucking mind-boggling to me.

2

::furiously taking notes for tomorrow night at the singles bar::

3

Un-neutered dogs are not allowed in dog parks?

4

You are a funny funny human being.

I imagine the OP’s dog doing this.

5

I don’t know if that’s common across the country, but it’s definitely one of the rules here in Denver. Male dogs with the dangly bits intact tend to be more aggressive, and all the hyperactivity in an off-leash dog park can easily set them off.

6

The bark park I take my dachshund to is big, and divided into two parts, for smaller and larger dogs. Un-neutered dogs are allowed, but a large sign, with a lot of rules, bans aggressive behavior, and the number for Animal Control is prominently displayed. And they WILL come, too.

Females that are not spayed may not be lactating, pregnant, or in heat.

I’ve almost never seen any problems there. A couple of times, on the big dog side, I’ve seen dogs beginning fight behavior, but owners promptly separate them and/or remove them from the park.

My Nathan(he’s a good hotdog!) loves it there!

7

Best belly-chuckle I’ve had in a long time.

Bravo!!

:stuck_out_tongue:

8

So many people really have no concept of dog behaviour.

Many off leash parks tell you to keep un-neutered males away. Fixed males act more aggressively to un-fixed dogs than they would to another fixed dog.

9

OOOSAGOODBOY wants a belly rub? Big belly, big belly rub rub!

10

Do the dogs also have to be circumcised?

11

Having met several thousand of them now, I’ve come to the conclusion that dog owners are more likely to be obnoxiously insane than cat owners. Cat owners tend to be the quirky, quiet types when they are crazy. Strange, but harmless. Dog owners can be either disgustingly oblivious to their dog’s condition, belligerently over-protective, or amazingly misinformed. That’s three distinct forms of crazy to a cat owner’s one crazy class.

12

This turtle will take care of those pesky dog balls!

13

I know that the line on the ranger’s (?) pants was meant to represent the fly, but it sure looked like . . . something else.

14

Now, look here, people – I had a kickass yoga class yesterday and the muscles just under my ribcage are awfully tender just now. Snickering is painful today, is what I’m trying to say. Stop being amusing!

Bad Dopers! Bad!

15

First of all, I sincerely doubt that anyone’s bringing a 3-week-old puppy to the dog park. Maybe the OP meant 3 months?

But at any rate, puppies need to be socialized somehow, and the dog park is the only option for some people.

What I hate is when people bring human toddlers. A baby in a backpack, okay, fine. A toddler? The dogs are going to do some toddler bowling. Really, they are running around, having a good time, chewing on each other, and they don’t care who they barrel into. And yet, people come in, set down a dainty little kidnch of dogs come over and scare the kid. (in a flowered white sundress, really smart), and then get all up in your face when a bunch of dogs come over and scare the crap out of her.

16

We’ve had people bring 3-4 week old puppies and kittens to the clinic asking if they can go to new homes now because their eyes opened or because one of them sniffed at canned food. Surprisingly far too many people are stupid.

17

Stop licking my face!

Now, gimme that belly

18

No, they were three-week old puppies. Like I said, they were the size of a softball. Their owners carried them into the park in the crook of their arms, cradling them like infants. They were expecting people to crowd around and ‘ooooh’ and ‘awww.’ More than one person asked them about vaccinations, hinting that they shouldn’t have brought them to the park. They were oblivious to everything.

Thankfully, nobody’s brought any small children to the park, at least not when I’ve been there.

19

Adds my rant to this:

I am not an employee at the local PetCo, I am a volunteer. I’m one of those people you see trying to adopt pets out. If I tell you to not touch our critters without using hand cleaner, I mean it. There is a bottle of hand cleaner right in front of you, use it!

If I tell you to not pick up the cute puppies because they just got neutored, it doesn’t mean that its OK to give one to your 2 year old. Yes, I will yell at you. Don’t bother to lie to me and say that you can’t tell if your kid will bond with the puppy unless he can hold it. He’s not nearly as interested in the puppies who nip than he is with the toys they have.

If you let your dog bark at our cats, scaring them into banging themselves against the bars, don’t get upset when I grab the leash and yank the dog away. Saying that your pitbull likes cats and was just playing doesn’t mean that the cats understand that a snarling, barking dog is harmless.

And when your dog pees/poops on the floor right by the dog clean up supplies, deal with it. If you are too precious to actually clean it up yourself, tell someone about the mess! Don’t get all huffy when I point at the cleaning stuff or tell you to call an employee.

You can’t get me fired, so don’t bother to go there. Our presence is more important to the corporation than your entitled self. Most of the entitled ones don’t actually buy anything anyhow, they just brouse the treat bins and let their dogs nosh and then carry bones/toys out.

I’m not usually rude, I am usually very friendly and helpful. I am happy to be a personal shopper for a new pet owner and will go out of my way to try to help. Most pet owners are wonderful, its the 1% of them that tick me off.

20

I signed on to this site SPECIFICALLY because I LOVED your post on the “dog park douchebag” and his fucking obnoxious dog! Granted, you wrote this a while back, but I’d like to add my own recent story to substantiate the complete lack of any common sense when it comes to fucksticks who bring their testosterone soaked, unneutered dogs to a dog park!

I recently adopted a 9 or 10-year-old, 125 pound German Shepherd from the El Paso, Texas pound. This beautiful behemoth was found wandering around for hell knows how long, before he was brought in on March 2.

On 29 Feb I had to put my black Lab of nearly 13 years to sleep and it sucked and still does. When I visited the pound on March 4, I fell in love w/the beastie boy behind the glass. I visited him every day for 10 days and no one came to claim him so I finally got to take him home. I’m a dog person, and the loss of my Lab and adoption of Zeus was warranted to help my heart heal. I couldn’t have found a better dog!

Zeus is incredibly gentle w/my 12-yr-old cat that I also took in when his lame ass came to my WI farm nearly dead. I nursed him back to health and he’s been w/me 2 yrs now. When his big bro passed, he was lonely, so adopting Zeus was good for the both of us! (just moved to TX a year ago)

Anyway, a friend of mine asked if I wanted to go to the new dog park w/her and her dog. I said sure. We get there, I have Zeus on a leash, he’s gentle w/all the other dogs that were a fraction of his size and all was well. UNTIL? Some fucking KNOB comes into the park with his fucking Bulldog; balls swayin’ away, and jumping on dogs like he owned the place. As SOON as he walked in, I KNEW there was going to be problems!

Everyone at the park commented on how this Bulldog tried humping everything and I witnessed it myself. Dogs were submitting left and right and his fucking owner just STOOD there and LAUGHED and thought it was OH so FUCKING cute!! Well, after numerous times of trying to get to MY boy, Zeus responded and I gotta hand it to him…it was a stealth operation that would have made any green beret fucking proud!!

Just before the obnoxious Bulldog came into the park, I felt confident enough that Zeus proved he was okay around other dogs, so I had taken his leash off. Well, when that little fuckstick’s owner walked to the opposite end of the park, my Zeus followed and next thing I knew, he had that obnoxious little interbred pathetic genetic mutation of a canine in a headlock with his mouth and did NOT LET GO!! And the owner? That fuckstick just stood there doing nothing!

I ran over and commanded Zeus to release, but nope! He was proving his point and putting that little genetic shithead in his place and did so as long as was necessary! I called for other people to come help me and we managed to get Zeus to let go (thank gawd) without any damage to anyone. I was SO PISSED, and even after they were separated, that stupid FUCKSTICK stood there with his fucking mutant barking away STILL within reach of my Zeus!!!

I’m an easy-going person, but I wanted to kick that douchebag right in his ballsack! Of course “I’m” the one with the problem dog! Funny how THAT got turned around, but not surprising. I can tell you we will NEVER return to that dog park, but what I WILL do is go there next Saturday at the same time and WAIT for that fuckstick, take down his car license, and call the pound to report him! I don’t need to say a word to him…I’ll just let the city take care of it! And, if there’s no ordinance about taking unneutered dogs into the park, you can bet your ASS I will do what I can to change that! (:::stepping off my soapbox:::slight_smile: