But then you have to clean it up! :eek:
Well they aren’t using COBOL anymore, Gramps. 
You mean the same problem, that you yourself created in the first place.
hear, hear. xist I’m beginning to despise users! How the fuck do you forget a password you use everyday? And you connect to the VPN this week the same way you did last week! And last week and last month and last year. And please, don’t get me started on printing! Or email!
I guess, someone else with his username and password must have changed it and deleted the VPN protocol.
Then why do you assholes make us change our passwords every month, with no words from the dictionary, capitalization in odd places, numbers, and non-alphanumeric characters? It’s a telemarketing company, not the fucking CIA!
Because users can’t be trusted to not use toughies such as “password” or “123456” or the real brain buster: “987654321”. If you all had the common sense attributed to a common garden slug, such draconian password rules would not be needed.
By the way, I don’t mean to give you a potential brain aneurysm, but you might want to think about changing the PIN for your bank card to anything but 1234.
Did I say anything about COBOL?
Nope. Generally problems that IT caused by messing with developers’ computers.
Dear business owner,
We sent you a contract renewal notice via email. It bounced back and we discovered that the business contact we had for your application had left the company nine months ago. It took some string pulling with HR, who hates to tell us things thinking we are going to break some obscure confidentiality or because getting information on employees who left nine months ago is HARD, but we finally figured out who the old business owners boss was, and sent him three contract renewal notices. The second we copied his boss, the third we copied his boss and your divisional VP and told you that the contract was up, the leased equipment would need to be returned to the vendor, and in accordance with security policy, at that point the drives would be wiped. We also tried to reach someone by phone. We didn’t hear boo - so thirty days POST contract expiration, we sent some poor schmuck down to pick up the equipment (which we had to FIND by searching the network) unplug it , wipe the drive, and return it to the vendor in accordance with our contractual obligations. And NOW you decide its the most important thing in the company. Bullshit - if it were that important, you would have answered ONE of our emails or voice mails.
Sincerely,
IT Vendor Relations
(Yes, this was my job - and yes, this happened all the time - and don’t blame the poor desktop/server tech - he was doing what I told him to do - because we had a contractual obligation to return the equipment when you didn’t renew the contract. Do you know how much the clause is for using software we aren’t authorized to use is, on hardware we don’t own and aren’t under contract to use? About $500k in legal fees, and then we just paid the six figure settlement - and we signed a contract which we could have renewed at a 30% discount for full price.)
IT Clown 1
It’s a good idea to have a password that cannot have two consecutive letters
IT Clown 2
The password for my software needs two special characters
IT Clown 3
All passwords need to be changed every week
IT Clown 4
My program needs a username that is not your corporate ID, your email or a dictionary word
IT Clown 5
Your password needs to be changed. It cannot be remotely close to any of your previous 127 passwords
IT Clown 6
I need a password solution that isn’t any way similar to the previous 5
If you think I’m exaggerating, well maybe a little… 
I must agree with you on that.
That’s the combination to my luggage!
Take one guess who manages the leases.
Yep, the IT department.
To be fair, at my current company anybody who knows my employee number–the one printed on my badge–knows my password, which is the same common word (and job title) everybody else has, plus my employee number. I’ve never been asked to change it, but with the rights accorded me there is absolutely nothing interesting you can do with it. I know; I’ve tried.
Dear end user,
If you’re going to eat your lunch at your desk, could you please quit dropping crumbs into your keyboard so that it stops working and you have to call us every month or so to vacuum it out?
Thank you,
IT
You forgot:
IT Clown 7
We’ll send you email reminders to change your password 14 days before expiration when it’s only a 30-day password to begin with.
IT Clown 8
My program won’t tell you when it’s expired; you just won’t be able to sign in & guess that it’s because of an expired password, requiring you to make up a new password on the fly; typically late on a Friday afternoon when you won’t use the system for the next few days.
IT Boss 1
Do not under any circumstances write down the password that complies will all of the above rules. You should immediately commit to memory this random combination of capital/lower case letters, numbers, & symbols that don’t mean anything to anyone, including you.
One of my standard passwords is my wedding anniversary. It’s so secret my wife doesn’t even remember it.
And before you can make a new crazyass password, you have to put in the previous crazyass password, which you can’t remember because it was too crazyass and you forgot to write it down and leave it in a convenient place, and when you try to use the “Forgot password” feature it asks for a capcha that you can’t read for shit, so you keep refreshing for a new one and when you get one you think you can read you’re told it’s wrong, try again, but you keep getting ones you can’t read or aren’t accepted and you just want to slam a fork in someone’s eyeball but you don’t because you’re a civilized human being and prison food is crap.
IT guy here. There are definately some players on my side of the net that should never be let off the bench. But you’ve got some members on your side that shouldn’t be issued anything more complicated than an Etch-a-Sketch.
Do not put in a high ticket that you’ve changed offices and moved your own computer and network printer to save time. Now nothing works even though you connected everything back to the wall jacks. Plugging the computer into a disconnected port and the printer into the phone line just makes baby Jesus cry. And us point and laugh. There’s a reason we have a policy requiring two weeks notice. It will take a week for the contractors to run a new network drop for the printer. Yes, it will be billed to your department.
No, we won’t service the 90 dollar inkjet printer you bought at Sam’s club. Throw it away and buy another one. Or better yet, get a laser printer under contract. A contract that includes toner and all preventive maintenance as well as repairs.