Ask the bastard from IT

Have you ever wondered why the IT guy is such a prick? Why he’s so arrogant? Condescending? Sarcastic? Have you ever wanted to ask him “What’s you’re fucking problem?” Well.

Now’s you chance. Don’t bother asking me how to fix your petty Outlook issues. I won’t answer, and it’s liable to get you bitch-slapped. Otherwise, the field is pretty much open.

Ask away, Lusers.

So, exactly why can’t I tell my students to use MS Office 2010 (free), even if it is still currently a “beta” version.

(The IT guys claim beta versions of software are filled with viruses - but really, students should go buy the older version of MS Office instead?)

And why do we really need to change passwords monthly - hell, people don’t want to access our files at gunpoint, and there is nothing in there worth stealing. I can’t believe any hacker in their right mind would want to read anything in there - and you can’t even get students to read it if you send out 1000 reminders. Plus the passwords have to have a widget of some kind now (& # $ *). Just takes longer to type in and easier to forget.

I used to wonder and then I married my own IT guy. Now I know the answer is that he is a prick, arrogant, condescending and sarcastic because it’s fun. I am jealous.

Have you ever been threatened with firing over your anger management problems, or… how do you get away with acting like that?

I got fired once for my surly behavior. I also got walked to the door within a couple of days of giving my notice at another job, because I had been such a prick to my boss that he couldn’t bear having me around to finish up my two weeks. I’ve had kinder bosses who just sort of said “Jesus, Winston, chill out”. So, I guess the answers are all over the spectrum.

I’m much calmer and cool-headed that I ever was, but I still exude the “Don’t fuck with me” vibe, and often have to count to 10 before speaking.

My wife was astonished to learn that I’m arrogant, condescending and sarcastic with everyone. For all these years* she thought I was just being an asshole to her.

She’s finally come to realize that most of what I do, I do to amuse myself. I call it ‘savage amusement’.

*We’ve been married 10 years, “together” 13 years, and prior to 1997 were “on again, off again” since 1985 (we met and started dating in high school)

Office 2010? Probably because as soon as people start using it, they’ll all want the IT guy to start supporting it. He’s probably got enough to do without having to figure out how to copy and paste for you in a new version of office. Or he’s an idiot. Not sure which.

And, as far as I’m concerned, monthly password changes are a terrible idea. It causes too much support overhead (with expired and forgotten passwords, account lockouts, etc), and it’s probably a bigger security risk than never requiring password changes, because most people can’t keep track of their goddamned passwords to begin with, and frequent changes fry their limited ability to keep track, so they do dumb things like write them down on post it notes and stash them under their keyboard. :rolleyes:

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

From an IT guy (me) - r t f m !!!

Limited ability? I have about 7 or 8 passwords for various work related functions, and a few require an eight character password, but most are 12 and one is 15, and even if I try to use the same password the expiration times for these are staggered and who in the fuck decided that ‘&’ is a special character for one system but not a special character for another and while I’m on a goddamned rant I want to kill the stupid son of a bitch who decided the sequential characters are verboten even backwards so not only is ‘acb’ out but so is ‘cba’ and really when the damn thing is 15 characters long do I really have to recite the fucking alphabet backwards like I’m taking a field sobriety test just to change the damn password that I just changed 60 days ago?

Oh, and the network drive is down again. Fix it please. And this time fix it for good, because you must fuck with that thing more often than I change my passwords.

Hi, and thanks for the email!

I’ll be out of the office till 8/2 on vacation. If you have an urgent request, please log a ticket.

Have a great day,


Oh, you’re good.

long password solution - make it a sentence with periods instead of spaces.$$word.

works like a charm

That’s a really good idea. I think I’ll go try that now.

Sorry, we need a new [insert equipment here] but accounting won’t approve it. So every day from 9:00am to 10:00am we’re applying the same damn fix for the CEOs and upper management. Then the rest of the day we’re helping calm down Martha the almost-retirement age secretary who keeps on accidentally hitting ctrl-z and saying the computer is broken because her work goes away. And then we go into the corner and cry because accounting approved new 20" flatscreens for this one department and they’re all freaking out because the default resolution isn’t 800x600.

I’m not really IT, but I’ve had to help people out before. Users scare me. And anger me.

Why do you keep track of all the pron sites I go to? Are you making a list? Can you not find your own porn?

Why would I go to the trouble of searching for [animal] doing [exotic sex act] to [elderly celebrity] when you’ve spent 13 of your 40 billable hours finding the best of the best?

Seven or eight? HA! I just counted I am at 23 different log ins with passwords.

All you really need to know about bastards from IT can be found in this series:


I store my favorite 3 terabytes of crap in my outlook in box.
Why is it so sluggish to load?

I know its Friday and close to quitting time but I need you to get me a new computer.