I did nothing to change any of the settings on my computer.
I log into VPN client once a week, like you suggested, so the admin can recognize my computer.
FINALLY, after a busy week, I have a hour or two to catch up on my emails.
THEN WHY the FUCK CANT I LOG ONTO OUTLOOK???
I didn’t make any changes, YOU DID. I don’t have TIME to call one of you dummies, and go through step by step to get you to recognize my password. This happens 3 times a year. I bet ONLY TO ME.
You nerd motherfuckers, I’m tired of you waking up every morning, and picking me on purpose to mess up my security status. I have a JOB TO DO that doesn’t involve sitting in front of a computer, eating donuts all day.
Here’s is what is going to happen, so listen reeeeal close to what I have to say, because I am going to teach you a little LESSON.
I’m not calling you to fix my password issue YOU idiots fucked up. When a customer emails me, I’m going to email them back on my gmail account, copy my sales manager and your department, and let the customer know I cant help them because of YOUR incompetence. Oh and you know what else? I’m giving that customer YOUR cell phone numbers, so you can take a break from playing Farmville to handle their problems.
Don’t fuck with me, IT Fatso. You have 12 hours to fix YOUR problem.
What I want to know is, why is the OP assuming that playing Farmville while eating donuts has turned the fat IT nerds into mind-readers? Is there a relationship between the extent of their powers and their weight? Perhaps between the extent of said powers and the amount of sheep sheared? We know that the donuts themselves are not responsible for the telepathy: if it was and according to well-known lore, cops worldwide would be able to read minds and have no need for all those pesky procedures.
To: P.Dickweed@Company.biz
cc: B.Boss@Company.biz, HR@Company.biz
Good Afternoon Mr. Presumptuous Dickweed,
I’m dreadfully sorry that you incorrectly entered your password 5 times in a row, locking you out of your account. I’m also extremely sorry that we have not been given the direct video link to your office so we could detect if and when any minor issue goes wrong. We must have been too busy eating donuts to solve your problem, although we did manage to resolve the issues with the active directory not recognizing new computers, clear up why the fileserver was acting wonky, and replace those crucial documents for HR, and that’s just the last hour. Perhaps you would have gotten here quicker if all of your errors weren’t:
A) Violently and angrily blamed on us without our knowledge and
B) Of the category ID-107
We’re sorry that your job is so stressful. Have you considered finding a new one? I’m sure Mr. Boss will be glad to help you. Maybe you can join us, and you can see how much Farmville gets played when we come in at 7 on Monday and none of the login terminals work, the fileserver is down again, and half the company is clamoring for help.
I fixed the problem. Not your problem, but my problem. The IT staff is quite frankly tired of your shit and has recommended to management that the telecommuting program here is simlpy not cost effective with regards to IT support. He agreed and immediately canceled the work from home option. See you bright and early tomorrow in the office, pal.
IT Fasto