But the one thing I enjoy more than anything else, is the brief time on Mondays between some class and another one, when I go down to the basement and
Get some lunch
Play a game or two of Ms. Pacman.
Ms. Pacman is, of course, the best game in the arcade, compared to all the “kill a shitload of aliens” and “kill a shitload of bank robbers” and “kill a shitload of racecar” games. So I go and drop my quarter into the machine.
Up is broken.
That’s right, the joystick will make Ms. Pacman go left, right, and down, but not FUCKING UP!!!
Whoever did this to my beloved yellow circle, fuck you, you Donkey Kong fucking, Q-bert felching, waste of oxygen! Way to ruin my favorite fucking video game, shit-for-brains. I’m sorry you lack the requisite motor coordination to eat the dots before the monsters get you, but that is not an excuse to exert all your strength on the little joystick!
You pus-for-brains, shiteating, nadar-voting piece of cow testicles!
in the words of Samuel L. Jackson
“Mother-FUCKER!”
That no brain, no dick son of a syphilitic Bangkok hooker needs to be strung up by the balls and spun round like a pinyata. (In much the same way as the cunt who stole the cue ball from the pool table at my local youth club.)
When I read the thread title, I immediately recalled Bruce McCulloch on “Kids In The Hall” with his “open message to the guy who stole his bike wheel.”
So I’m picturing friedo standing alone on stage, looking a cross between “really pissed” and “a half-second away from tears”, with a broken Ms. Pac-Man machine next to him…
I don’t want your emulators. I want the big screen, the joystick, the buttons, and the sound of the quarter going “kerplunk” in the almost empty coin bucket.
Please tell me how, when Ms. Pacman starts one third of the way up from the bottom of the screen, I am supposed to get the other two thirds of the dots?
Sheesh friedo, just trying to be helpfull here you ungrateful fuck.
Maybe I ruined the game. Maybe next time I’ll remove player one start button instead. The joystick will work just fine- if only you could start the damn game. Wha ha ha haaaaaa.
By the way, what kind of outdated Vo-Tec are you attending that can’t get a newer machine than Ms. Pacman?
Saying that Ms. Pac-Man is “outdated” is like saying a fine wine is “outdated.”
Ms. Pac-Man is the fucking bomb. Whoever broke Friedo’s Ms. Pac-Man machine should have his lungs pulled out. I feel Friedo’s pain. Video games today suck ass. They all cost about eight bucks to play down at the Playdium and they’re all the same blast-everything-in-sight crap you can play for free at home with “Duke Nukem 3D,” except for Crazy Taxi, which I admit is a great game.
I want an arcade made up entirely of awesome 80’s video games. I want Ms. Pac-Man and Donkey Kong and Frogger - Christ, anyone remember Frogger? Man, that game was the shit, huh? And Kangaroo was awesome. Centipede, even Asteroids… fuck it, I’m starting another thread about awesome old video games.
I can picture it now. Some hooligan feigning playing Virtua Cop as he periodically gazes around the arcade to ensure its vacancy. The last group of people leave and he knows the moment he’s waited for after all these years has finally come. He springs into action, racing over to the Ms. Pac-Man machine and grabbing its joystick. The hooligan uses his every once of strength to force the stick upward as he cackles in mischievous glee.
“You like that? Huh? You like this you antiquated, sprite based, cum guzzling slut?” he stammers.
He works quickly. Ramming the stick with raw fury as beads of sweat form upon his brow.
“You killed my Dad, fucker!” he cries. “Ms. Pac-Man killed my fucking Dad! All he wanted to do was get the high score and you made him loose his job and stop taking his medication! It’s pay back time, you feminist cunt!”
The assult swells to a mighty climax and slowly comes to a end. The hooligan takes a step back from the machine and grins devilishly. Knowing his work is complete, he slips back into the shadows, never to be seen again.
Of course, the joystick could have simply wore down after nearly two decades of use, but can we ever know for sure?
Did you try talking to the damn attendant? Joystick problems, expecially the one you talk about is only a little switch. Easy to fix, but most people don’t tell anyone. Or buy the damn thing and take it home and play it all you want.
I am far too white to go that far into truncating my articles. I have insufficient soul to be quite that cool. I maintain that, from my perspective, Ms. Pac-Man is the fucking bomb.
Also:
Donkey Kong - The Shit
Frogger - Wicked
Asteroids - Fuckin’ A
Hyper Olympic - Out-Fucking-Standing
Pole Position - Awesome
Defender - Bitchin’
Robotron 2084 - Gnarly
This thread is too good to belong in the Pit - I’m still LMFAO!
PS - the twin joysticks on Robotron were a little hazardous IMO. I saw a machine thrown completely on it’s back by a, how shall we say, “angry” individual once. With two handles to grip, it was easy to slam the machine around.
friedo, I can understand your passion, sense of loss, and elation over the return of your beloved Ms Pac Man.
I used to play after work almost every night as long as my boss wasn’t. He could plunk in a quarter and play all night, he was without a doubt the best player I ever saw. He couldn’t touch me on Galaga which sat alongside the Ms.
Often I would go home to sleep with that “wacca wacca wacca” sound still ringing in my ears.
I recall the day in 1977 when we first set our eyes upon the miracle that was Space Invaders. You never forget your first time…
