I would like you to go out, shove a nightstick up your ass, find an iced over flagpole, stick your tongue to it. If you had learned to read in the 2nd grade like the rest of us, you would not have had the problems like you did tonight.
The theatrics begin:
Tripler locks his front door, and walks out to his warm car. A Sherrif’s Dept. car pulls up rather fast, and out hops Officer Dippity Doo.
“Excuse me, sir, do you live at this address?” says Off. D.D.
“Uhh, yes sir. I rent it. Why, what’s the problem?” questions Tripler.
“Well, sir, it seems you have a warrant for your arrest, and we want to take you in. Please put your hands behind your back. . .”
“I beg your pardon?” an aghast Tripler gawks.
“Yes. Mr Baron. Please put your hands behind your back. You are under arrest for larceny in Bismarck.” (note the spelling of “Baron”)
“Whoa! I haven’t been to Bismarck. Who are you looking for?”
“You. We have a warrant for Mr. Jack Baron, 2nd Ave SW.”
“Um, I’m Rob Baran, and this is 2nd Street SE”.
“No sir. This is 2nd Ave SW, and you fit the description.”
“Hold on, I have identification . . .” Trip reaches for his wallet, but only gets halfway . . .
“STOP!” Officer Dippity Doo places his hand on his weapon. “Slowly put your hand on the car!”
“Hold on! Take it easy! This is the wrong address, and I am Rob Baran.”
“No this is the address I want, and you are the suspect.”
So, Tripler gets handcuffed in -20 below weather, and is searched. Upon finding his wallet, Officer Dippity Doo searches and finds 4 fucking pieces of identification. 1 military ID, 2 drivers lisences, and a blood donor card.
“So you claim to be Rob Baran?” says officer Dippity Doo.
“Yes sir. I’ve been trying to tell you all along. And this is 2nd Street SE.”
“Well my warrant is for this house, 2nd Ave SW.”
Tripler begins to explain to the newbie cop that he’s got the wrong house, and the wrong guy. Officer Dippity Doo shows signs of confusion, but won’t let up on the handcuffs. Tripler asks when the crime was, and finds out he has orders that show him out of town for two months during the date of the incident.
“Look, if you take these off, I we can go inside and I can show you orders and a graduation certificate saying that I was in Ohio the whole time.”
Meanwhile another patrol car shows up. By now, I can see neighbors peeping out of their windows. The new officer and Dippity Doo go over and converse. Tripler watches them reading the warrant, and the new officer point over at the street sign on the corner. After a few minutes of talk, officer Dippity Doo comes over and releases the handcuffs.
The other deputy drives off. . .
“Well, Mr Baran, it seems you were right after all. These things happen. Have a safe night . . .”
Tripler (our hero) is simply aghast as Dippity Doo the Dipshit simply walks off without so much as apology. After watching Dippity Doo speed off in his cruiser, he gets inside to warm up, read a new e-mail, call his folks to tell 'em what happened, and post this thread.
Great beginning to what may be a great night. And they give these morons guns. . . At least my car was warm when I got in again.
The Larcenist from Bismarck.