To the gun lovers of America.

One of the most common arguments from the pro-gun lobby of America is that they need the guns to protect themselves and their families from those who threaten them in their own homes. At this time of year, more than any other, that is especially true. This year, and every year at this time, an terrible racket is perpetrated on innocent householders. Gangs of vicious youths walk the streets, wearing masks which not only conceal their faces, but which are also designed to cause fear and intimidation. These young thugs approach innocent households and intimidate the families living to make a payment, often called a “treat”. Often, the fearful families have no choice but to pay up, in case these young thugs “trick” them in revenge. Sadly the police have no power to prevent this sort of activity. Worse still, sometimes it seems they even openly tolerate it. Surely an American family should be entitled to protect themselves against this sort of racket. This is precisely why so many people feel the need for guns.

But please, let us remember that Halloween is not just about greed and extortion. This is also a very holy time of the year. The word Halloween is a contraction of All Hallows Eve, which means the night before All Saints Day. This is followed by All Souls Day on November 2nd. It is the time when the Great Pumpkin rises out of a sincere pumpkin patch to spread his message of goodwill around the world. At this most wonderful time of the year, it is appropriate that we should show a little tolerance, and even mercy. So please, gun lovers, if you or your family is threatened this year, just pause for a moment, and take the trouble to first fire a warning shot into the air. And if they then try to escape, let them run, and don’t try to bring them down. You know its the right thing to do. After all, it is Halloween.

So you are going to wear the John Wayne mask after all?

Can’t I just shoot them in the leg? I know, I know, center mass, yada yada yada, but I’m a heck of a shot, and those youngens are kinda slow.

But…but…they need to be taught a lesson!

      • So… the point of this thread waaaaaas… —>?

Al Franken and Art Buchwald have no need to fear up and coming competition from the OP.

… the point is that guns and tricks don’t mix !

Careful youngsters when approaching the bunkers of the paranoid.

what ever happened to plain old razor blades in the candy like we had in the old days?

Guns and treats on the other hand…

The neighborhood parents got angry at me last year for handing out razor blades, so now I’m just handing out fistfulls of ammo instead.


If thug 1 tries to rob person A, and person A scares them off with a warning shot, who’s to say that thug 1 won’t go and try to rob person B? And maybe kill innocent person B? I vote to give thug 1 a warning shot, to the head. This is the warning shot to all other thugs who try to rob innocent people. Oh well.

Don’t worry, I haven’t had any trick or treaters for three years. They can’t get past the razor wire and land mines.


If it makes the OP feel any better, I prefer a hefty chunk of steel pipe for dealing with trick-or-treaters.

Can we still release the hounds?

How about the bees? Or the dogs with bees coming out of their mouths?

They’re “hoooonds”, dear, not hounds.

[ul]:smiley: [sup]Let them eat candy![/sup][/ul]

When come back, bring point.

It would all be solved if the tricksters all turned to Jesus. No true Christian would celebrate Satan’s birthday.