My 15 year old son just had his first breakup. He had been friends with this girl since 5th grade. They had been texting each other but I think he thought they were deeper than friends and he sent a picture saying he loved her. Well she didnt like it and she sent an email back saying they were thru and he had smothered her. He doesnt want to talk about it but I can tell he’s upset.
So I’d like to ask, how old were you when a girl that you liked said no when you tried to be close with her or she broke up with you?
I guess I was around 17 and this girl broke up with me because basically I was a jerk. In fact I really didnt learn how to treat women until I was in my 20’s and only after several mistakes.
She was easy,* I thought I could reform her, I was wrong. She left me to get back with an ex. In hindsight, she did me a favor. I was about 21. I didn’t date much before college and from 16-21 I did the heart-breaking myself.
*I don’t mean she simply had a healthy appetite for men. I encourage people to be as promiscuous as they like. I mean she cheated a lot.
She was married and seven years older than me. I was 19. I am eternally indebted to her because the hobby she introduced me to lead directly to meeting the woman who has been my wife for the past thirty years.
I was 16. Although, I now understand that it had basically nothing to do with her, and everything to do with me. In other words, she didn’t really break my heart, I broke it myself. Which is also true for every bad breakup I’ve had since.
I had just turned 20 when she up and decided she wanted to move to NY. I visited her there once, maybe twice, but it wasn’t the same. I had been thinking of her as my future.
Six years later, I moved to NY and we resumed a kind of luke-warm friendship. She actually found a very nice apartment for me right near Columbia. I think she would have been interested in something more serious, but once burnt, twice shy. Then I left NY and lost track of her.
Junior high school. The first girl who ever encouraged me and who I held hands with for the first time ever (things were a bit more circumspect then). My best friend wooed her away from me, then said to me with a smirk: “Hurts, doesn’t it?” It was the end of both relationships.
Kathy in my sophomore year in college. She was funny, cute (in a weird way), skinny and busty, athletic, musically talented and smart. I thought she was perfect. We had a few dates and I was moving “forward” when she up and said the infamous “it’s me, not you”, and we just wouldn’t work out well together. I thought things were going swell at the time.
Turns out that she had some emotional problems going on (when I met her) and had just discovered Jesus. She became a born-again Christian, and remained single (and a virgin, I assume) until she was 40.
You mean you didn’t gaze into her eyes, making her follow you into the tunnels of the train station, where you had your way with her on the dirt beside the railroad tracks? Your hair, glinting like the metal of the rails; her heart beating like the engine of a locomotive, coal fired and hot. Your hand on her breast, her teeth sunk into your shoulder…
This is one of those “it depends on how serious you want to be” questions. Most childhood timeframe “heartbreaks” are more like mild disappointments that upset us, than real HEARTBREAKS. You have to learn a lot, before you can actually suffer any real life disruption over someone leaving or otherwise hurting you, and 99.99% of all teenage situations don’t qualify.
I figure, if you didn’t have to completely reassess your whole view of and approach to living your life, it wasn’t a heartbreak.
Age, oh, 18 I think it was. A long-term girlfrriend that I was was ready and willing to marry - she’d teased and danced around the subject several times, and I was just trying to get her to realize I was dead serious about my answer - Then she told me she was leaving me - for another girl.
Damn, that’s hard to get past when you’re a young male, still trying to figure out how you’re 'sposed to be in the world.
Agreed. I don’t believe I’ve ever truly had my heart broken. Sure, I’ve had shitty break ups, a few of which hurt badly at the time. But nothing as seemingly life-shattering as what I’ve been led to believe a broken heart is. In fact, I’ve grown as a person thru each failed relationship, I know myself better and my understanding of relationships has in large part been shaped by those failed relationships.
I’m happy in a relationship for the first time in my life, and I think all the previous failures helped me know what I really wanted and needed in a relationship. As well as what is needed from me.
I was in my late twenties and early thirties. Because I was in the military, there was a couple of years of separation when she moved back home before the divorce was finalized. Before that, I never got that deeply “into” any girl, not emotionally anyway.
There should be some sort of emoji that only RA can use in any discussion of romance or sex or women or virginity or what ever. 'Cause man! You sure milk the pity card at every available chance. Sometimes just shoehorn it in for the hell of it too.
I had some heartbreaks as a teenager. Most of my relationships lasted about 3 months it seems. It would take me a few weeks to get over them. It was hard to compete with guys old enough to drive a car.
I am an odd case; I went from dating around (OK – I was a tramp – I’ll admit it) pretty much to the person I’m still with. I had some possibles I never followed up on but usually I was the one who crushed dreams. One girl (her birthday is tomorrow) had our entire life planned out when I used the “F Word” (friends) and we didn’t speak for 25 years. We’re friendly now but ---------
emoji that only RA can use in any discussion of romance or sex or women or virginity or what ever. 'Cause man! You sure milk the pity card at every available chance. Sometimes just shoehorn it in for the hell of it too.