Yes, I drive a sports car. Cute little mid-engine 2-seater. Very zippy. Handles quite well thank you very much. And it’s red, so it’s even faster than you might think. Yep, as you suspect I can dust your V8-wielding steelburg from a standstill or from a 10mph run—I can walk away from your gas-guzzling smog-spinner like your slushbox is still in park. But nimble as it is, it seems I must draw your attention to the one major drawback the designers failed to engineer out in favor of sexy lines, heart-stopping hp/weight ratio and superior handling. See, I still can’t go under cars, nor can I encourage those ahead of me to increase their speed to whichever would most suit your personal preferences. With that in mind, I will kindly thank you to remove your idiotically humongous 89% vacant land yacht from my rear bumper.
This may come as a shock to you, but the stopping distance of a Suburban at 40 MPH is significantly greater than the 5 FEET (and I think I’m being generous here) you are allowing yourself. Did you know you have a leaky power steering pump? Well I know—because I can see it in my rearview mirror! Now kindly back the fuck off you hyper-aggressive shitstain! Or at least show me you’ve got the balls (clearly you drive such a beastie because you need room for your over-sized nuts) to back up your pathetic little show of bravado and run me over and crush me like a beer can.
I’ve had drivers honk at me in irritation for slowing down too slowly for a red light. Not a yellow light, mind you, a light that’s already red. That’s in New Jersey, though, where life is cheap.
I drive an early 90s Subaru with 200,000+ miles on it, you’d think people wouldn’t tailgate out of fear of shedding parts.
I was driving my daughter to SCHOOL, yesterday doing the SCHOOL ZONE speed limit in a SCHOOL ZONE, and there was some moron tailing me the whole way. When I slowed down to turn onto the street where I drop her off, she roared around me–through the SCHOOL ZONE CROSSWALK…and about 1/4 mile ahead to a red light.
Huh, I wondered what the fuck those annoying little red speed bumps were. Pisses me off that somebody done squished 'em flat before I got the chance. Oh well, I bet I can still find one or two.
Why are you tail gating me in a construction zone? Even if there were somewhere I could pull over to let you by, you would only be stuck behind the guy in front of me and then the guy in front of him. There are cars ahead as far as the eye can see. The construction will be here tomorrow too. If you need to get through it earlier in the day, leave earlier. Tail gating me will not get you there any more quickly.
A little tap of the brake usually gets them to back off…dependng on your car, washing your windshield is also a good way to get them to back off. If those don’t work, just chuck a beer bottle at them.
