You don’t appear to have that many… 
::d&r::
“To all the girls I’ve loved before,
Who stumbled in and out my door.
I’ve always carved a notch,
For being in your crotch.
To all the girls I’ve loved before…”
What? No chewing gum?
It’s GOT to be the first line of a verse!
To the notches in my bedpost
To the girls who I have kissed
Please don’t take it personally
Please don’t tell me that you’re pissed.
You were all so very special!
All so gracious! All so blessed!
And it must work in my favor;
I called ALL of you the best!
Now my time is growing shorter
I’ve found one girl who has got
All the class and all the knowledge.
She was blessed; you all were not.
So I leave you glaring whitely
That raw lumber on my bed
I just might have ranked you higher
If you’d given better head.
Now my lady and my lover
(They are now one and the same)
Take up all my love and lovin’
That’s the end of this fey game.
bow
Geez Hama, that was ace. Nice one.
applauds
MMM. Learned much you have, young padawan.
But still I sense much beer in you.
A simple ode, it was.
A story about the scratches I’ve managed to dig into the footboard of the bed with my talon-like toenails.
An apology to the wood, for being mistreated so.
Where, oh where, has my little post gone?
If you are having trouble finding your “little post,” I’m surprised you have any notches on your bed at all. 
Talon-like toenails??
Sorry, I just don’t like the sound of that…
What can I say, I can never find the damn clippers.