Fine, remind me! I remember the horrid days when our accountant (overweight, trying to reduce (that doesn’t really say it – her ass was huge; enormous; gigantic; she had to lean over all the time to counterbalance her ass, that’s how big it was. Funny thing is, almost all the fat on her body was there)) would cook fish. She ate the stinkiest, nastiest fish I can imagine, she cooked it in the freakin’ microwave, and she would then drag it out through the lobby, past the executive conference room, and past half the offices in the building. to eat it at her desk. The CEO’s secretary finally laid down the law – no fish in the microwave, and nothing with a strong odor unless you closed BOTH lunchroom doors. The final straw, apparently, was having the strench penetrate the conference room while our senior managers were negotiating with a potential partner.
Of course, you’re only allowed to rent it if you’re wearing the minimum 15 pieces of Flair.
I love that movie. I’m so glad I don’t work in an office anymore.
I clicked the link and got this:
**FORBIDDEN **
You do not have permission to access http://sailor.teemingmillions.com/images/OFFICE02.wav
Data files must be stored on the same site they are linked from.
You’re lucky. I used to work with a woman who routinely made popcorn every day, in a microwave that didn’t have a “popcorn” button. She’d set it for about 6-7 minutes and walk away. Nothing like the lingering stench of scorched popcorn to make the afternoon fly by… :rolleyes:
Here’s a clip of Nina (not that I’ve seen the movie yet).
Esprix
I used to work in a 5-story building with an elevator shaft not far from the basement kitchen. Popcorn was immediately noticeable, also the Beanie-Weenies at 11 a.m. for the daycare kids. As for the patchouli woman on the second floor…she didn’t stay long.
Oh, and once someone foolishly [or generously] smoked pot outside in the alley right next to the air intakes for the building, and it shot through the vents so fast I got partially stoned on the 4th floor five minutes later, walking through a blast from the air handlers!! That was memorable…
Damn. And here I was under the impression that secretaries were nice, quiet women who sat and typed and answered phones all day long. Oh, the naivety of the non-office worker.
I have a now ex-coworker (thank heaven!) who talked on the phone all day long. When her boss would approach her desk to talk to her, she’d hold up one finger, as if to say: “Wait, I’m busy yakking with my girlfriend and I’ll get around to you when I feel like it!” She sat next to me and did nothing but bitch and moan about everyone and everything. Drove me crazy.
Since she left, I keep going into files she’d worked on – these are litigation files, which are always kept clipped and indexed and in perfect order – and finding loose clumps of paper just stuffed in the front of the folder. We’ve spent the last month cleaning up her messes (those that we’ve discovered so far).
And the scary part is she left this job – to go be the office manager for a former attorney with our firm, and run two law offices. We’ve all been speculating on how on earth she’ll be able to do that in between talking to her family and her girlfriends all day long.
I think what would bother me most is having her talk to herself. People who do this bother me… A LOT. If they’re quiet at least its less noticable. I had to work with someone who would narrate his every action from the third person.
“Jim goes to the sink… He goes to get a hammer… Jim turns on the radio…”
Fun guy.
I HATE YOU ALL!! ( well, not you, my coworkers!)
Various Coworkers actions, supposed professionals mind you with “class” and “dignity”:
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Do you REALLY need to walk by my desk on your way to the bathroom and thump it with a newspaper to get my attention with a huge grin on your face while saying “back in a while” then head into the bathroom. We both know you’re going to go take a shit, and only one of us cares! Then you do not have the decency to use the air freshener (AND IT WAS NEEDED) or turn on the fan OR CLOSE THE DOOR, AND LEAVING ONE GODDAMN TOILET PAPER SQUARE ON THE ROLL!
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At lunch meetings do you really have to turn every five minutes and blow your nose IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION, search for a new clean spot on that wadded up rag you keep in your pocket and switching sides of the thing with every new blow, when we are sitting about a foot apart?!!?!? I don’t want to hear this let alone FEEL AND SMELL IT!!
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And you, you Atkins freak, that staff lunch pizza is for the ENTIRE staff, came with cheese and meat topping on it but YOU PICKED IT ALL OFF AND LEFT THE CRUST FOR US! And why WHY did you think it was ok to chew up peanut M&Ms and spit them out into a bowl and leave that bowl for everyone else to see and take care of!?!? We don’t have maid service in this office. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR CRUD!
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What is with all the god damn FINGER licking?!?!? We have rubber fingers in this office aplenty. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE FOR? Are you taking them home at night? They are not NUBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE! THEY ARE FOR PAPERWORK!!! I don’t need to see papers i’m going to be handling in a few moments LICKED by 3 different people. The worst part is when you get paper that is slightly DAMP! God damn, makes me want to start spitting on things just to pay them back!
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Can you please BATHE once in a while?!?! Please, it’s not that hard. I want to take you out back and hose you down! And to those of you using perfume and cologne, you don’t need the whole FUCKING BOTTLE!
huffs, puffs there’s more, lots more, but that’s all I can do right now… Thanks to the OP for starting this very therapeutic thread.
Y’know, before I realized exactly what you were talking about here, I got all sorts of weird mental images… 
Is that really what they’re called, BTW?
My box says “Rubber Finger Tips” (also Doigtiers en caoutchouc and Dedal de caucho [“rubber thimble”], so I guess at least the French agree).
Welcome, Xiraxa (great name by the way).
Wow, I’d forgotten about this thread. For those of you who read the whole thing, I have quit my job and I’m now the Controller for a small giftware company, making more money and I’m much happier.
My staff of one drives me nuts (but nowhere near the last cow-orker). She’s the order taker and used to work in the bakery department at Grand Union, so this is her first office job (at 41 YO). She talks to herself LOUDLY. Her manner of speaking to customers on the phone is very terse. I also think she’s under the impression that if she yell on the phone, the customer will here her all the way in East Bumblefuck. I mean, who needs the phone when you have a voice like that? And her grammar makes me cringe. “We ain’t got none”, “I faxed them people”. My Og, the double negatives! But if those are my only complaints, then I’m doing better than the last job. Whew!
Well, back to work. I can’t spend ALL day on the SDMB anymore. 
Holy crap! Just as I posted, she said to a customer, “We ain’t got no more o’ them products”.
She’s damn lucky she’s good at her job, but the image she presents of the company makes me a little worried.
This thread is so funny, the mental image of clayton_e’s coworker made me laugh out loud, but I’m glad I don’t work with anyone like that.
I work tech support, and one of the guys I set across from is sooo rude to the customers, he has no patience for people who aren’t as somputer literate as he is, he complains constantly about his personal life to customers he has only known for a minute, if someone disagrees with him he just starts shouting that he has a background in computer security! Whatever that means, because he doesn’t seem to know very much about either the Mac or Windows operating system. I want him fired.
I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of tech workers everywhere…the Blue Screen of Death joke was an internal thing that never, ever should have made its way into common useage by non technical folks. Sorry everyone.
You know, I’m going to have to ask you to leave and just come back some other time. I’ve got a meeting with the Bobs…
One of the underlings in my husband’s office claimed that the reason she was sneaking out of work to go home early every day was because my husband’s presence was so intimidating it gave her diarrhea.