Tom Lehrer's "Elements" for the 21st century

Cafe Society
1

The other day I looked up Tom Lehrer’s song The Elements on YouTube and discovered it’s more than 50 years old. Since it was written, there have been a further 16 artifical elements created, with two new names approved just this summer.

With that in mind, I present a few new verses to be appended to the original:
*Since Tom wrote his song they’ve only gone and found lots more of 'em
Like hassium and dubnium, lawrencium, livermorium.
You might’ve thought those chemists ought by now to be quite boredium
But then they looked in earnest and discovered rutherfordium.

Now wait, there’s more, another four you probably won’t knowvium
Darmstadtium, roentgenium, copernicum, flerovium.
And bohrium, which came before the turn of the millennium,
Seaborgium, meitnerium (once known as unnilennium).

It seems the brains are out of names, suggestions should be sentium
For what we see as Uup is merely “ununpentium”.
And then there’s ununseptium, add one for ununoctium,
At 113 comes Uut – and that should be the lottium.
Though actually it seems to me there’s no end to my mission:
You can’t keep lists when scientists won’t stop their nuclear fission :p*

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And there may be many more, but they haven’t been discarvard.

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Let’s not forget sci-fiction where we look for unobtanium
At least I think that word is stuck somewhere inside my cranium.
Wolverine is known for his sharp claws of adamantium
And Farnsworth’s bolonium, bolognium or more than likely baloneyium!

4

Daniel Radcliff sang the original song, so it’s still a qualified hit. OTOH, my favorite Lehrer song is Werner von Braun.

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There might have been a whole lot more if only we had waited.
Several more will be along soon, but they’ve not yet been created.

Oh, and it’s fusion making these things, not fission.

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And if we cannot find any new ones for a while
We can always be consoled by the elements of style

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I knew someone would point that out but it doesn’t rhyme, dammit. :stuck_out_tongue:

These elements are increments of Z through clever fusion;
but zeptograms ain’t worth a damn 'cos folks could never use 'em

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Dilithium, vibranium, cutetonium

9

Got an email from my dad a couple of days ago…
[…] We’ll also be going to a Tom Lehrer tribute concert(!) in Bromley on Friday week. Apparently, when they asked his permission, he said ‘I’ve no objection to you performing my songs, just as long as I don’t have to be there.’

10

I still like the Aristotlian version:

Oh there’s Earth,
and Air
and Fire
and Water!

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Aristotlium!