Top 10 reasons beer is better than Jesus

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Gals get free top shelf liquor and all the Jesus they can drink. <hides head in shame… but not before hitting ‘submit reply’>

42

Nobody thinks you’re weird if you walk down the street taking to beer. But walk down the street having a give and take with Jesus and you’re sure to get some funny looks.

Of course, nobody ever said, “Woa, that gaunt, long haired hippy fella looks a bit like the generally accepted depiction of beer.” Maybe that’s a good thing.

43

Just remember, never ever drink beer in a Muslim country. You can’t get killed for doing it, but you can get whipped if you do.

44

Yeah, and then if you pulled his arm forward, it would come out the side.

And then he helped turn it back into water again.

45

  • You can’t get pulled over for thinking ('bout Jesus) and driving …

  • … Or for having an open New Testament in your car.

  • No such thing as “Jesus Goggles”

  • Having too much Jesus won’t cause you to get up close and personal with a toilet

  • There are more “brands” of Jesus to choose from than beer.

  • W.W.B.D. is just as cocky as W.W.J.D.

  • Your singing doesn’t get worse after havnig some Jesus.

  • Jesus won’t explode when shaken.

  • Jesus doesn’t require a keg tap, a bottle opener, a twist-off cap, or a bent fingernail.

  • No such thing as “lite Jesus”.

  • Jesus is calorie-free.

  • No such thing as a “Jesus-belly”

  • Jesus doesn’t require federal warning labels.

  • You don’t have to show ID to get Jesus.

46

This thread is just crying out for a (http://beerchurch.com/index.html). :wink:

(People will be lining up at the baptismal…)

47

cough Methodists? cough
[sub]I kust know I’m gonna be dragged into the pit for this.[/sub]

48

I have to quibble on this one. Given the guts and spare tires (“Dunlop” brand, of course) I’ve seen on so many preachers, deacons, elders, etc. over the course of my life, and the fact that more religious people than atheists wear Sansabelt slacks, I’d say there is definitely such a thing, and it’s scary.

49

beer belly vs stigmata…hmmmmmm

50

C’mon, give the dude a break. After all, a guy whose blood tastes like wine can’t be that bad, right?

51

Top one Jesus is better than beer

  1. He makes wine out of water. Beer makes whine out of wheat.
52

Require? No. Necessitate? Perhaps. I favor something like:

*Pregnant women: Jesus may cause birth defects.

53

Beer never makes you feel guilty for masturbation or wild monkey sex. If anything, beer encourages it.
I never got loaded on Jesus and called ex-boyfriends at 3:00 am.

54

Commercials about Jesus don’t feature cross-dressers, sports that combine golf and football, or the word “wasabi”.

At least the ones run by churches around here don’t.

55

beer

56

Thanks, Peta, for leading me to the light. I am now a Beer Church Minister.

Bless you, and may you never thirst.
Rev. Coffeecat

57

Y’all are awful. I’m only 17 and CAN’T drink.

I can only imagine…

58

Sports stars don’t kneel down and give thanks to beer after scoring

59

You can’t choose whether or not you want your Jesus from a bottle, a keg or a can.

60

beer can’t walk on water can it?
even so, i think beer tastes like shit, but jesus probably
tastes worse, i through my hat in with the tripple sec god