There’s an Outback Steakhouse where I have lunch pretty much every weekend. Mainly for convenience, I got into the habit of eating at the bar rather than a table, and I always bring a book to read. Today’s was, “Googled: The End of the World as We Know It” by Ken Auletta, an interesting read on the rise of the powerhouse company.
Today, there was a guy at the bar when I arrived who had obviously had a few. He would talk agitatedly on his cell phone. At one point he glanced at an incoming call and exclaimed, “Shit!” A few minutes later, he ordered another beer, and rolled himself a smoke, something I haven’t seen done in a while. He then went outside, presumably to smoke his cigarette.
When he returned, I was enjoying my lunch and book. He started into his beer before speaking to me:
“Excuse me? I noticed the title of your book.”
I replied, "Oh yeah, Google - ", thinking he wanted to discuss the topic of the book.
But he interrupted me to ask, “Do you think that’ll happen before Jesus comes back and makes his church?”
I managed, “Excuse me?”
He repeated his question.
I smiled and said, “Well, I’m an atheist, so I’d have to say no.”
He turned away and muttered, “You’ll burn in hell!”
I thought of a whole bunch of replies, but finally settled on, “Well, thank you for that, friend - very Christian of you!”
He seemd mildly chastised, and after a pause, answered, “I probably will too!”
I ignored this, and he shut up.
After he left, the barmaid, who had heard the whole exchange, came over and apologized. I assured her that not only was it not in any way her fault, the whole exchange was hilariously enjoyable. (I was reminded of David Chapelle’s description of the kind of racism he’d experienced in the south: “Mag-ni-fique!”)
The world is sure changing: when I was a kid, guys smoking and drinking before noon were the targets of assholes with sermons, not the sources.
