Haha, great stories. I have always had the fantasy that if a couple of Jehova’s Witnesses or Mormons showed up at my door I’d immediately call my boyfriend over (if I had one at the time) and put my arm around him and introduce him to them as my boyfriend and then see if they had anything more to say to me. I promise I would be perfectly polite and decent but I’d just love to see the looks on their faces.
“Hey Baby! Come here. There are some lovely people here who want to talk to us.”
One word: JOSH.
You might enjoy this classic take on it from The West Wing.
Cult movie director John Waters signs autographs with a cheery See you in Hell!
Thing is, most of those people really don’t know “the Word.” As to one of my own many stories, a woman related to my husband that the reason a mutual acquaintance had cancer and was going to die was because she wasn’t a real Christian, IE: Catholic. Uh huh, you psycho hosebeast.
And I see Ambi and nod my head in complete agreement. No need to actually live your life honorably, just spout platitudes to qualify for heaven.
< rolls eyes > No, save that aisle seat near the handle of the basket instead, is what my agnostic self says. 
I LOVE IT! Go Martin Sheen!!! He OWNED that tightass Ann Coulter/Dr. Laura wannabe!
Enjoy this clip from Designing Women on the topic- LINK
And on the subject of burning in Hell, I plan to be cremated when I die. If anyone talks about gays going to Hell, I just say “Oh good, I guess I’ll burn twice!” =)
Being serious for a brief moment…
The OP’s experience was a classic example of “Jesus, Save me from your followers!”
Self-righteous, judgemental hypocrites who claim they’re ‘true’ Christians couldn’t be further from the mark!
The goal of any Christian (or those who follow the teachings of Jesus but don’t identify as Christian) is to emulate Christ! To be Christ-like! Jesus embraced those that society rejected. I’m just quoting from memory, but “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” rings a bell…and I think it was printed in RED in my Bible (yes, I have quite a few of them)! I worked as a Manager then District Manager for Zondervan Family Bookstores for five years back in the mid-90s. More queens work for that company than Macys, Nordstrom, Saks and Hair Cuttery combined! :dubious:
I quit when I decided to leave ‘The Church’. I was also married to my high school sweetheart and asking her for a divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 
But I am very proud to say that I never cheated on her with a man or woman! I have a real problem with married men who think that adultery should be excused because I’m not sleeping with other women, just acting on my true nature. Bullshit! Cheating is cheating, gay or straight! If you’re married and realize (or finally accept) that you’re gay, you come out to wife and separate from her BEFORE you start having sex with other men!!! It’s really that simple!
I was 22 and had never been with a man when I came out to my wife and filed for divorce. She and I are very close friends and I’m still tight with my former in-laws, too. That’s the way a decent man handles it!
It seems to be human nature to slice&dice things (such as the Bible and the US Constitution) that are too big to assimilate in one swell foop, then pick out what seems most relevant. For many Christians, especially of the fundamentalist persuasion, the focus is on the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18): “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”
Unfortunately, some of these people have a translation that reads along the lines of: “You are commanded to get in peoples’ faces, harass, harangue, and beat them mightily over the head with the One True Word. And if they persist in their rejection of the One True Word, remind them at every opportunity (and with much rejoicing) of the torments of Hell that await them. Amen and halleluiah.”
Fortunately they tend to be easy to spot since they have all the subtlety of a thrown Molotov cocktail. But occasionally one slips under the radar, and in such cases the only succor is to be reminded suddenly of the need to close an arms deal in Tanzania or pick up a load of copra in Guam.
I absolutely love that song, and I love talking with religious nutjobs cause I know more about the Bible than they do. It’s my basic philosophy–NEVER argue one side of an issue until you know the other side. Otherwise, you end up looking like an idiot.
My favorite thing to do is introduce myself during the coversation and hold out my hand. When the person shakes it I say “How do you know I’m not on my period? Now you’re unclean!”
This reminds me of a bit comedian Amy Schumer does. Paraphrasing from memory (and no doubt butchering it)
I was on the bus and an older woman asked me “Have I heard the Good News”? I said no, and she said the good news was that Jesus Christ died for my sins! I told her I was Jewish, and she said, “Oh your people simply haven’t met Jesus yet!” I said, “Well, actually… have you heard the Bad News?”
This would have been a good one, too 
“His daughters married their cousins on their father’s side.” Numbers 36:11
You know, before you start bragging about how much you know about the Bible and using these examples, you might want to read about Peter’s Vision in Acts 10 and 11. Since the early days of the Church, this Vision has been interpreted as saying that the Mosaic purity laws do not apply to Christians.
Since Beelzebubba said he does that to those who cite Leviticus in condemning gay people, I think it’s perfectly appropriate.
I have taken out the full lyrics in the OP.
Please know that it’s against the rules to post full lyrics that have copyright laws.
Lyrics in the OP? 
My wife once said to a JW: “You people have been trying to convert us for 2000 years and still haven’t”. She got an apparently sincere apology. So I guess they really are trying to convert only Christians.
There are people who preach the “Absolute inerrancy of the Bible”. I still don’t understand how they blow off the kashruth.
And brimstone.
Perfect! 
What I don’t understand… well what I don’t understand is the attraction of religion full stop, but the specific bit I don’t understand about this bit:
Christians have a downer on Jews because Jesus was killed by Jews, right?
But if Jesus hadn’t been killed (sorry, “died for our sins”) then he’d just be some dude who mooched about Judaea with a dozen other dudes doing magic tricks, and forgotten about by the year 800 (AUC, nimirum).
So what gives?
I thought it was more than that… how dare anyone not believe he is the messiah? But your point is still a good one.