"Jesus hates dykes!"

My wife and I decided last night to walk down the road to a local pub for dinner: it was a beautiful early-summer evening, and our pantry was just about empty.

We held hands as we normally do when we go for a walk, and talked about our days. Perfectly domestic, comfortable, wonderful.

An SUV* drove past, with people yelling from it, and slowly we realized that they were yelling at us, words like “Hell” and “fucking.” Once I realized that we were the targets, I turned around, and as the SUV drove past, a woman with mirrored sunglasses leaned out of the driver’s window, face twisted into rage, and shouted, “Jesus hates dykes!” at us.

Granted, I have long hair and am clean-shaven; granted she’s hardly the first person ever to make that mistake. I was stunned, then burst out laughing, and couldn’t stop for a minute or two.

But holy shit. What a hateful bitch.

It’s rare that I realize, viscerally, what bigotry there is surrounding me on a daily basis. I got it easy; I don’t have to deal with her ilk on a regular basis. My sympathy to those who do.

So: fuck you, Jesus Hates Dykes lady.


  • Here to help you imagine the scene, not as a slight on SUV drivers.

Well, Jesus hates long-haired hippie types, too. So there.

Oh, wait…

Yeah suurrre.

Sorry about your encounter with morons, and hope you get that pantry refilled soon.

… unless they have beards. Then they’re okay.

Jesus is quite a hateful person, true. :slight_smile: However, he doesn’t hate fags. He hates figs

Also, these people are craaaaaazy. On one hand, I am sorry you had to go through that. On the other hand, now you know what that feels like for teh gheys. (Not that you aren’t already sympathetic) I kinda’ wish this would happen to het. republican couples.

WooHoo, I’m good to go then. I am so fucking relieved. The last thing I needed was another fucking deity who hated me.

Yes, Jesus hates any instrument that holds water back from its natural course.

That’s why the little boy who stuck his finger in a dyke was beaten down for his arrogant heathen protection of a crime against nature by a roving band of the Zealous Christian Daughters of the NOW.

Now, just hold on there. Did you just claim to believe in more than one deity? 'cause Jesus got him some opinions on that, too…

in all fairness, He only hates them because He could never get a date unless it was with a prostitute.

Like this?

Oh. Wait.

That is one fucking wierd encounter, Daniel. I guess it only goes to show: You’re a girly man!


I don’t believe in any of them, but for some reason they seem to stay pissed off at me. Or at least that’s what their followers keep telling me.

Oh well, like my mother used to tell me when I got mad…

Jesus has the same shoes to get glad in.

Wow. I like that one. Well done.

That’s just so…random. Jesus hates dykes? Are they implying that they are Christians, and they are speaking for Jesus? If they are Christians, do they honestly believe that Christ’s message was “Hate everyone not like you”? Weird, weird, weird.

Sadly, yes. That’s what a lot of “Christians” believe.

Jesus loves me this I know
For my pastor tells me so
But if you don’t do what He said
He hates you and wants you dead

Jesus is a guy. Like all guys, he LOVES dykes. He just has rather unrealistic ideas about the amount of time they spent having lingerie pillow fights and threesomes with pizza boys.

If I were you, I would have screamed back,

“I’m a MAN, you dumbass!”

Not because her views are justified…but because it would make her feel like, well, a dumbass.

Well, get a haircut.

Also, stop listening to that rock and roll music.

And bad-mouthing your country.

And stuff.

You know, if there isn’t a Godhatesfigs website, there really should be.