Top 20 reasons I didn't murder anybody in 2000

In My Humble Opinion
21

TMI.

22

And what exactly comes on a Lesbian and Chicago beef sandwich? Do you get chips with that?

23

In no paticular order…

  1. No one really worth it.
  2. That “Thou Shalt Not Kill” thing
  3. Family
  4. Kids
  5. Wife
  6. Prison life stinks
  7. I hate taking orders
  8. What’s the point, anyway?
24

I can only think of one reason and that’s the fact that I didn’t meet anyone that pissed me off enough to go JTHM* on them.

*Johnny the Homicidal Maniac

25
  1. No firearms in the house.
  2. It’s hard to conceal a longbow in a crowd.
  3. I’m pretty sure if I attempted to injure someone else, I’d kill myself.
  4. Too busy running over my own feet with my car.
  5. For crying out loud, my virtual husband’s a hired gun; he could do it for me. :smiley:
26

Nobody asked me to.

27

They’re like Toad Crispies. Mmm. Can’t eat just one box.

28
  1. All the good ones are already taken.
  2. I simply have too much love in my widdle heart.
  3. Love thy brother…with a Vengance.
  4. My Mom rarely lets me go out on school-nights.
  5. It would be dreadful to chip a nail.
  6. The thought of being someone’s “bitch” in prison is only slightly enticing.
  7. Maybe I did…nana-nana boo-boo stick your head in doo-doo.
  8. Not enough room in the freezer.
  9. I don’t want to get blood on my bunny slippers.
  10. Who have you been talking to? Whay did they say?
  11. The straightjacket makes it difficult.
  12. 1999 was really a banner year for me so I retired.
  13. Just like anything else, it gets boring after a while.
  14. I’m trying to write the great American Novel.
  15. I have, you know, Ethical conflicts.
  16. Just because they haven’t found anything…
  17. I love my puppy.
  18. I’m saving up my coupons so I can get all my “shopping” done at once.
  19. I have a respect for life inspired by “the man upstairs”.
  20. My unabashed zeal for life.
29

Telemarketer wouldn’t give me home address

Guy that cut me of had faster car

Forgot to buy blunt instrument

My car lacks cruise missile battery

Witnessers always travel in packs

I always fit the description

Ive never seen anyone watching Star Trek in prison

Orange is not my color

I hate lifting weights

Have entirely too much free time as it is

30

No Disney in prison? This is a reason to kill someone.

31

#10: stupid idea
#9: stupid idea
#8: it’s not nice
#7: it’s kinda stupid to kill someone for no reason
#6: I’d have to find a reason to want to kill someone
#5: but first I’d have to hate them
#4: to hate someone you have to love them
#3: and then they have to do something heinous for you to not love them and being hating them
#2: why would you fall in love with someone who would do heinous things to you? it’s a lot easier just to not be around them than to get attatched.
#1: love is all you need.