It’s as much about her half-assed, I’ll-let-him-nap-in-my-bed-first way of dumping him.
“Realistic scenario?” It wasn’t meant to be realistic. It’s what’s called (take notes, Scarlett) an analogy that hopefully reflected the ridiculousness of Tramp’s fully allowing the intended dumpee to take further advantage of her.
Nice try, hon, but that analogy fails specifically because you assume I’m bashing her because she dumped him. Au contraire. I bitched her out because she pulled the ol’ passive-aggressive martyrdom bullshit when she allowed herself to be walked on when she was already determined to dump the guy. She completely enabled his final act of taking her for granted and then proceeded to use it as part of his crime against her, and that’s what didn’t wash.
sigh
It isn’t even 9 am and already I have to defend my honor.
I’m not a willing vicitm. The relationship didn’t work out. I told him to leave. Yes he now resides in Dumpville. I told him he could call me when her grew up. That did NOT mean he could call me and things would be peachy keen hunky dory again. I meant that he could PHYSICALLY call me when he was grown up. This is a guy I’ve known for a long time. So it didn’t work out romantically. Shucks. That doesn’t mean he has dropped off the face of the planet.
I’m not allowing myself to be walked on. That would mean he’d still be hanging around my place with his hand in the cookie jar. Instead, I let him sleep a little while and then pushed him back on his way to Philly. Would you have liked me to put someone on the road who had been awake all night? Would that have been a safe thing to do? What if he had struck a guardrail and killed himself? What if he had crossed a median and killed a family? I’m sure you wouldn’t have called me “passive-aggressive” but I certainly would not have been able to live with myself.
This thread has reached three pages. I am quite impressed.
I agree that you did the right thing. When dumping someone, there’s no need to be a flaming anus about it. Sure, he was a jerk – but he was a passive, lumpish jerk, not a screaming violent jerk, and there’s a big difference between the two.
And don’t let it be said that LDRs can’t work. My sweetie and I just ended the 3-year-long LD part of our relationship, ad we were talking 250 miles apart for those years.
I occasionally, when driving down to see her for the weekend, would spend Friday night at my mom’s house (if, for example, I knew she was gonna be out really late, or if my mom needed help with something). I sometimes got off to a late start, dreading the four-hour drive. (By a late start, I mean I’d get on the road at 7:30 instead of at 6:30). I would never have gone out to hang out with friends for four hours instead of coming to visit. Especially, especially, especially not without discussing my plans to do so several days in advance.
Why? Because I love my SO, and I know it sucks to be blown off, and not making her life suck is important to me. It sounds like it’s not important to this schmoe (or else he’s phenomenally dense). He doesn’t sound like the sort that can make a LDR work.
Tramp, I think you did the responsible and decent thing, by letting him sleep, and the rational thing, by giving yourself some time to make sure you made the decision that was right for you.
I’ve had some raging furious moments when I wanted to tell a boyfriend to get the hell out. Some have subsided after a few hours when I needed to calm down; some have resulted in me kicking the loser out.
I don’t think you let him use you, take advantage of you, victimize you, whatever. I think you were a decent person who dropped someone who hurt you, and did so as gracefully as possible, under the circumstances. Just my $0.02.
Orca, did you expect him to be dumped the second he came to the door? They had a relationship. You can presume there was some affection in it at some point in time. Generally something as serious as ENDING a relationship is something you wanna think about for more than 15 minutes. At least, something I would want to think about for more time than that.
Good on you tramp - I’m in an LD relationship, seperated by 2500 miles, for 3 1/2 years, and if he pulled that on me even NOW it would be a done relationship unless he had a damn good reason to go see the boys - like one of them had terminal cancer and a week to live. and THEN it would be 'WHERE WAS YOUR CELL PHONE ASSHOLE? No PAY PHONES AROUND? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING SKULL?"
First off, I assume she cares about the guy. Second, she probably needed some time to decide if she was going to dump him or not. These kinds of decisions are best made after consideration, not at the drop of a hat. Also, just because you are dumping someone doesn’t mean that you instantly hate their guts and want to throw them out the door. What is so wrong with letting him sleep??? I don’t see how this in any way makes her wishy-washy. Nor do I think your left-field analogy even touches on being relevant.
Thank you. I didn’t think it was bad to let him sleep off a sleepless night and a long drive. My God, I would have felt awful if I had turned him back on to I-95. I-95 is dangerous enough.
I don’t see anything passive/aggressive about what she did. She waited until the guy was rested and then told him how she felt. I see nothing good about engaging in that kind of discussion with a sleep deprived person, even if he is sleep deprived because he made the wrong decisions.
tramp, you did the right thing. In fact, I’m willing to bet you hadn’t quite made up your mind to dump him until he actually got in the door, explained a bit more what he’d been doing and then collapsed on the bed and started snoring. Then you looked at him lying there, a little drool on his chin possibly, and decided that enough was enough, sat down at the computer and typed out your rant. Your concern for the public safety was admirable, and by letting him sleep he has no ammunition to use complaining to his friends about how you wouldn’t even let him use the bathroom after he’d been driving all night. You gave him a chance to show up with flowers, candy, champagne, a string quartet and forty of your closest friends that he spent all night rounding up for a surprise party for you, and he didn’t. You did the right thing.
So have you tried that new Ben & Jerry’s with the core of caramel yet?
