Today I went to the mountains with my girlfriend, and we had a pretty good time. There were some moments when she acted kinda wierd, but that’s normal. But after I drove her home, she broke down and told me that she had kissed this guy. I knew him. I wasn’t mad and I easily forgave her. But then the situation got deeper and deeper. At first she said he kissed her, then she kissed him, and then that they made out for about 5 minutes.
I got upset after the 5 minutes make out session. But I’m wondering if I had the right to get upset?
Ofcourse you had the right to get upset. If she just kissed the guy once and that was it, oh well. But if she did it again, and for five minutes, mind you, I’d be pretty damn pissed. Now, I wouldn’t go as far as calling her a tramp, but what she did was kinda rotten.
Perhaps you’re right. I dunno. I’m not mad anymore though. And, in fact, tomorrow I’m going to the mall with her. I’ve even made her a card that says “I believe in us.” It feels like I’m forgiving her more than she wants? Of course, se admitted that she felt rotten about what she did. I just can’t get over the fact that she made out with the guy. And knew it was wrong.
Crispix, you have every right to be mad at her, but is it really worth being mad if it’ll ruin the relationship? When I went to Mexico during the summer I kissed a guy or two and I think my boyfriend was rather hurt by it, he’s now my ex-boyfriend. Little things can screw up a relationshhip. However, you have to figure out why she did it and whether it’s likely that she’ll do something like that again. If she is then there might be something wrong with the relationship and not with just that incident.
Is it possible she made up or exaggerated the story to see what you’d do? Since the story changed and got worse every time you weren’t mad, it makes me wonder. Maybe she is really insecure and wanted to make you jealous.
Crispix, you can be upset, you have every right. When you go to the mall, kill her with kindness, make her realize what a great guy you are.
Then maybe she will think twice about steppin out on you, if things don’t improve, then dump her ass.
Good Luck!
She cheated on you. Period. (yes…kissing IS cheating BTW). If you let her get away with it so easily it will definately happen again. I am especially suspicious of the fact that she chose to tell you. If it had been a careless drunken indiscretion that she wished to forget and that meant nothing why would she have told you at all? The fact that she did tell you without any prodding seems ominous to me.
If she did it once, there’s always the possibly it could happen again. In fairness, she broke down out of guilt of sorrow, but of course that doesn’t necessarily mean she won’t repeat this kind of behavior in the future. Some people, men and women alike, can’t resist the lightheaded rush and ensuing butterflies that comes from first engaging with a new partner, even if they are already involved with someone else. These people should be recognized for who they are as early in the relationship as possible and quickly be made a memory. How long have you been seeing this girl?
I’m wondering a little bit about your age, crispix and that of your friend. If you are both pretty young yet, I wouldn’t be concerned about the kissing and making out for five minutes, although it is upsetting. You have lots of time to get to know each other, and will find out if this is something she uses to try to get a reaction out of you, as dragonlady suggested. And if this kind of behavior continues, and it hurts you, I would take imthjckaz’s suggestion and dump her.
There’s only one bitch in the world, man… one bitch with a million faces. Dump her like last weeks bongwater.
You got one of two things going on here. Either she’s a slut, and she wants to feel like you don’t care if she cheats, or she’s mental and wants you to get mad so she feels loved. If you feel seriously about her, dump her, she’ll just rip your heart out. If she’s just a fling, well - less to be worried about. Better the devil you know, and all…
I believe that the word slut was invented by men to denigrate women. Tramp is a watered-down version of that word. The only word used about men that even comes close to the same meaning is stud. Men often seem to fly off the handle when they hear about a woman being flirtatious and making out with someone else, but often the response when males do this is “Boys will be boys.”
You could be right about the advice to crispix to dump this girl, but that doesn’t make all the rest of us women/females/girls bitches, and if you think so, I’m sorry for you. You must lead a rather sad life.
A lot of you say that it’s possible for her to do this to me again. I kinda sense that too. But I also believe that the reason she did it, as she told me, was because she was lonely. I’ve been at college for these past 2 or so months. But, the thing that really agitates me is that she saw me the night before it happened and even talked to me the morning before it happened – and she seemed very happy! She said she was attracted to the guy but that there wasn’t any feeling behind it. I know she enjoyed it. She even admitted that she enjoyed it. But does this enjoyment constitute as feeling behind it?
I can’t believe nobody has mentioned this point yet… so I’ll put my $.02 in now. Crispix… how many people that you know make out for five minutes (which is probably a very LOW estimate on her part) and don’t get a case of wandering hands? I’m sorry, but if you’re making out with someone and your hands are not moving all over their body, you’re probably doing something wrong. Chances are, if they were making out this guy got a good feel of your girl’s goodies. Might want to add that to your consideration on the topic… if it was up to me, get rid of her… she can’t be trusted.
She has little respect for your relationship and for the trust you place in her. Don’t invest any more time. Trust me, if you do, she’ll go out and cheat on you again.
Alternatively, you could detach yourself emotionally and milk the relationship for all the sex it’s worth.
There is a fine line between being patient & forgiving and playing the sucker. The fact that she said she enjoyed it indicates to me she wants to break up with you, but she wants you to do the work. If she wanted to stay together, she’d be trying harder to express her guilt and ease your mind. I think she doesn’t want to be the bad guy and is trying to force your hand.
Even if that’s not the case, do you really feel you could trust her again to be alone with this other guy? I think if you stick with her, you’re just setting yourself up for more hurt. Sorry bud.
