Crispix, as this is one subject that really gets me worked up, I will state calmly, yep - Missy’s being calm about this - get rid of her. You deserve a lot better than that.
Crispix-
I’m guessing the reason she decided to tell you was more than guilt. I think she wanted to let you know that she’s lonely and needs more attention than you’re able to give her. If you don’t want to break up, maybe you should agree to see other people while your away at school.
Crispix-
Don’t send her packing just yet. Things like this tend to either completely end the relationship or help strengthen it. Yeah, she may do it again, but she hasn’t yet. From experience, I’d just file this little incident in the back of my mind, and wait for another one. THEN let her go . . .
Tripler
Drop $400 on one girl on one weekend, and she didn’t even talk to me. Bitter, hell yeah. . .
in one word? yes.
Yeah, that sucks when women do that sort of thing. They have one story which they drop on ya to see if you accept it or not, then they make a new story with more details, then another & another story until pretty soon shes got a story where she is now pregnant.
If you’re gutsy, find the guy ask him what went on.
Women have done this to me a lot. One girlfriend of mine from about 18 years ago came by in September with this 8 page letter detailing her romances back to the flood. A lot of it didnt agree with what she told me back then so I told her bye!
Crispix, this is the wrong way to get advice, which is why you are getting all the differing opinions.
You are likely better off getting advice from people who know you and the gf in real life. They will have a better picture of what’s going on.
For what it’s worth though, if I had had the same conversation as you did with her, where she first admits he kissed her, than she kissed back, then they made out for 5 minutes… I see a pattern here. Perhaps she could have went on, and either you or a little voice inside her told her to stop.
I’m not a trusting sort with my heart, which I acknowledge is a flaw in me. But I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking that she could have done a lot more with the guy than she admitted.
I wish everybody that has posted in this thread would come back and give their age. I’d be interested to see how it relates to the advice given.
My advice? Well, YOU have to decide how much it bothers you, and if you can live with it. I don’t know the exact phrase, but basically it’s: Take advantage of me once, shame on you. Take advantage of me a 2nd time, shame on me.
The one thing you can’t allow to happen is for you to stay with her, but continue to not trust her, or to throw it back in her face.
I’m 38 y/o by the way.
I will have to go with Enright 3, basically, everything he said.
She may be young enough and not yet set in her ways in matters like these, not knowing how to react properly when feeling lonely, not the best at communication yet. She may grown out of that and screwing up once at a tender age is certainly forgiveable.
If it happens a second time, run away and never look back.
But that is not why i am responding to this thread.
I just had to back up ** Spiderwoman **, whom I have found to be very wise about many things. Once again, she is right.
Nobody seems to be offended that you called the girl a tramp in your subject heading. “Slut” and “Tramp” are offensive, unfair because there are no male eqivalents.
I just end up calling men sluts and bitches when they are deserving- equal treatment for everybody.
I’m not even steping into this muck. I’ll get slaughtered.
How serious is your relationship?
If the two of your are a lighthearted boyfriend/girlfriend thing, and you’ve been separated, well those things happen.
If you’re thinking this is the one and only, she’s not ready for that yet. This is a big fat warning sign, and you’d best take heed or get your heart broken (probably sooner rather than later.)
And by the way, if you hadn’t gotten mad when she got to the 5-minute makeout, I wonder how much more detailed the story might have gotten.
Incidentally, I’m not only old enough to be your father, but I’ve been there myself. As I said to my son, the last time he got his heart broken, some women change guys like clothes. You may be her favorite outfit, but that doesn’t stop her from trying on something else.
Does she get too hungry for dinner at eight?
Does she love the theater but never comes late?
Does she ever bother with people she hates?
Walk away. I have had a lot of experience in this area, and not only will it happen again, but even money says it has happened before. Sorry this had to happen to you, but better to find out now then to find out later.
As a great man once said… “Life sucks. Get a helmet.”
Two different forces are playing together here.
First, she admits to being lonely and making out with this guy only hours after you’ve left. Wake up and you’ll smell more than coffee brewing.
Second, she confesses it to you. In stages. She’s trying to find out where your limit is. So far your actions have told her that nothing she’s done is out of bounds. Oh, they may irritate you, but you’re willing to be submissive and live with it.
So now that you’ve demonstrated to her that you won’t take a stand on her making out with someone else, what odds do you give that you’ll be able to hang onto her via long distance?
Give it up. It’s already over.
It seems that her lips were preheated,
The stranger they sexily greeted,
She tried to confess,
and caused you duress,
The girlfriend of Crispix has cheated.
Hmmph. It seems that I, too, am a tramp. Didn’t realize I was one, but here are my qualifications:
-
After I met my current SO, and while we were physically separated but very much emotionally involved, I kissed another guy. For at least five minutes. And enjoyed it.
-
I knew it was wrong. (I’m also 24, and cannot plead youth and inexperience.) I can’t offer the slightest justification except that I’d had a lot of Guinness, and I was lonely and not sure where things were going in this relationship, and it felt good at the time.
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I chose to tell my SO about it without any prompting. (Note that according to Renton_lvr, this is a sure sign that the girl must be guilty of something.)
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He forgave me, which OBVIOUSLY indicates that he is a complete doormat who can’t take a stand on anything. This, of course, means that I’m fated to walk all over him in the future. In addition, this is a long-distance relationship – in fact, a transatlantic one – so I can fool around with as many American men as I like and he wouldn’t have a clue.
The logical conclusion one should draw from this information, if I understand my fellow posters correctly, is that I am an Untrustworthy Bitch and the gentleman in question should drop me like a hot potato. Unfortunately he doesn’t read the boards, and therefore doesn’t know what’s good for him; fortunately, I have no desire to take advantage of this state of affairs. Ever. I care about this man – despite all indications to the contrary – and it means a hell of a lot to me that he knows the truth and is still willing to trust me. I have absolutely no intention of betraying that trust.
While I don’t know whether this is the case with your girlfriend, crispix, consider this: She told you. She didn’t have to tell you. It would have been easier and more pleasant for her not to tell you. This, to me at least, indicates that she isn’t quite the dishonest soul most of the folks posting to this thread have made her out to be.
Gentlemen, please! Lighten up!
If Crispix and the lady are not having a sexual relationship, I say it’s none of his business what she was doing or why, and she shouldn’t have told him about it anyway. All Crispix can do is fight for her. Court her, and all that, if he so wishes.
(If they are having a sexual relationship, then we enter murkier waters, and I do not feel qualified to respond.)
If these two are pretty young (college age?), I suspect the relationship isn’t and was never intended to be very significant, so no big loss if it is over.
Men are so territorial.
Put your foot down right away. Let her know, up front, what your expectations are about your relationship. If you dont she will keep testing them.
She may have actually done more than just 5 mins of “making out”. She just wont tell you now because of how upset you had become.
Be honest and open with her. If she gets upset about this then she probably has cheated on you.
The first time this happens its her fault. If you let her get away with it again its your fault.
Why does it matter if they are in a sexual or non-sexual relationship? The question seems to boil down to a matter of trust. If they had a commitment to each other, then what Crispix’s GF did is wrong.
Are you saying that it is okay to sleep around on your SO if you plan to get married, but they want to wait for marriage to have sex?
What a line of tripe! She lied to you. What she did do shows a lack of respect for you and your feelings Drop her hard. Find someone better at college, but don’t tell her that yet.
There are male equivalents… cheating bastard, dog, womanizer, and just good old-fashioned asshole seem to fit the mold. I know far too many guys like this. I couldn’t cheat on Tazzy; other girls hold no appeal. The chase holds no appeal. There’s no way I’d throw away this wonderful relationship to have 5 minutes of fun.
We guys should be held to no different standard. If I were running around on Tazzy like an Arkansas governor, then I would be just as guilty of being a slut or tramp as any female. But then, I tend to get along better with girls than guys, because I don’t like the way most guys think. Tazzy means the world to me, and I couldn’t imagine ever hurting her.
I honestly believe there’s no more precise way to tell someone you don’t love them and/or care about them than by cheating on them. I also don’t buy this “Second chance” bullshit. If she cheated on him once, she had to make for herself a conscious decision that their relationship meant less to her than the other guy. She proved her true feelings. She should be held to them.
Age: 19
Of fer cryinoutloud, this is not the end of the world. If she confessed, she probably felt bad about it, and won’t do it again. True, she could just be screwing with your mind, but you’ll have to be the judge of that.