Whose side are you on in this relationship dispute?

So let’s say a guy and a girl have been dating for a few years, and things are going well - there are no real issues in the relationship. The guy’s coming home from a bar one night, kind of drunk, and he runs into a female neighbor that he’s seen in the hallway a few times - they’re on friendly terms, but they don’t really know each other or anything. She’s also drunk. They strike up a conversation and decide to go to her apartment to have one more drink.

So because they’re drunk, their conversation is loose and turns flirtatious. At some point she lets slip that she has a weird sexual quirk - she can only have an orgasm if a man watches her masturbate. So things heat up and - though they never touch at all or kiss or anything - the guy ends up watching the girl get herself off. And then he goes home, end of story.

He tells his girlfriend and she breaks up with him. He thinks she’s completely overreacting.

Who’s right?

She is, ya weirdo.

Indulging someone else’s kink that leads to orgasm is the same as sex in my book, even if there’s no touching involved. I’d be on the side of the now ex-girlfriend.

I’m with the girlfriend, assuming that they’ve been clear that the relationship is exclusive. An exclusive relationship means that you don’t help anyone not a party to the relationship to get off. If they didn’t clarify ahead of time that the relationship was exclusive, them the situation becomes muddier.

Guy speaking. I’d be on the now-ex-girlfriend’s side. She’s correct.

He’s diverting his sexual attention away from his girl, and onto someone else. It’s true that he didn’t actually touch her, but that’s a technicality, an excuse. It’d be like saying, “But honey, she just gave me a blowjob! I didn’t do anything!”

What was this guy thinking, that he’d stop by her apartment a few times a week purely as a favor to her, and watch her get off? Like he’s some good Samaritan?

The girlfriend is completely within her rights to dump that cheating a-hole.

Why did the guy tell her? He’s been dating for a few years, so he should have learned that most girls are crazy jealous of one another. So by entertaining this drunk girls libido he should have known that his gf would flip out.

Sabotage a relationship much?

Sounds like the girl doesn’t want the kind of relationship where the guy is free to do the kind of thing he did. Which is her right.

She is, how is this in any way a question is beyond me.

Exactly. While I can’t say I’d break up with someone who got drunk and watched someone else masturbate, I can’t fault someone who does. Dating is about finding compatible people – if an incident like this makes you realize you’re not compatible with someone, breaking up is a good thing for both of you, not a punishment.

Looks like you’ve got enough good, solid opinions on this question.

Just as a kind of “left field” question, then, I would ask why did he tell her about it???

From guilt and he wanted to be on the up-and-up? Well, then, I’d ask why he did this thing to begin with?

Or did he think that…uh…

<<pauses, looks out at the ocean. gives sad, knowing smile>>

…that he was just relating a nothing-to-it thing like “Gee, you know what I did last night, I dropped a full beer on the floor and it broke all over the kitchen!!” to her? And expecting her to say “Oh, gee, honey, imagine that.”

<<gets beer from fridge, takes a swallow, re-reads post so far>>

…In which case I just have to ask…please don’t be offended…WTF WAS HE THINKING!!! :smack:

She’s not overreacting.

For the record, I’m a guy.

What Thudlow Boink said. It is within a person’s rights to decide what is or is not a deal-breaker in their relationship. What the guy did wasn’t acceptable to her in a relationship. End of story, it’s not about “punishing” him. If he wants sexual freedom, he needs to find a girl that has the same beliefs.

45 year old single guy chiming in to say that she’s right. I’ll be amazed if you find too many who think she is wrong.

She’s right.

And if I were her, his feigned innocence and “you are overreacting” adds insult to injury. Cheating is one thing. But -figurately speaking- refusing to take responsability for the hurt and anger he caused her by doing and telling her, and playing the “mad woman in the attic” card; that is about as fucking low as a guy can get.

Guy here, castigated as a sexist pig on several occasions. The girlfriend is in the right.

Excellent point!

I can’t help thinking it’s a trick question or something.

That’s the only thing that makes any sense - that VCO3 is going to come back and say “Ha! - actually, it was a girl watching a guy masturbate!” (as if that makes it different, though).

She’s right. This is a no-brainer. Watching her was an act of intimacy and a violation of the girlfriend’s expectations of behavior.

It was a sexual act. He was cheating on her. I wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbor was using it as a “first step” to future acts. If the guy wants to watch a women masturbate, he should suggest it to his girlfriend. Which maybe he did, and that’s how she found out about it. “Well the next door neighbor does it.”