Leaving aside the “watched her get off on herself” ending, just this beginning part alone would be enough for me to say she’s well within her rights to call the whole thing off (and I am a guy).
If the man cannot be trusted not to start flirting and then go back to the apartment of some other woman who’s barely an acquaintance, “kind of drunk” or not, he is not the type of person I would feel comfortable trusting in the future. And that basically kills the future, doesn’t it?
Sure this one particular incident didn’t “go anywhere”… This time. And maybe, this guy could use better judgment in the future. But that doesn’t seem likely given his own description of her being upset as “overreacting”. OK… So he thinks this is perfectly understandable behavior that’s just a funny anecdote? This is not going to end happily, and it’s better to cut it off now than several more months or years of her life later.
If he told the story in terms of “I’m never going drinking again without you, look what almost happened, good thing I wised up and got the hell out of there”, he might have had a chance at continuing on with her. But not this way, no way, not if she’s not a doormat.
If this man were to imagine himself in the reverse scenario, where the woman got drunk at a bar and went home with a flirty, friendly guy-stranger and left after watching him jack off… Would he really laugh it off?
Maybe she knew he’d gone into the apartment and confronted him about it.
‘Yes…yes, but…all I did was watch her finger herself!’
At which point he gets two smacks in the head…1 for cheating, one for thinking that was a viable excuse. (A particularly understanding girlfriend might even give him a third for not even cheating well.)
Guy here, and I very often find myself siding with the guy in questions like this. However, she is in the right here. Also, she is better off without him, so she wins twice.
Jesus. This is really a no brainer. The girl is right and what the guy did, and the fact that he can’t see he’s wrong is beyond the pale.
Also, what the hell difference does it make that the guy was drunk? Being intoxicated is absolutely no excuse for bad behavior. A mature adult realizes that. The guy is an immature ass.
Who’s right? Unlike most, I’ll say that they’re both wrong, although the guy is quite a bit wronger. Dude was exceeding dumb, but if this was his first and only transgression, IMHO she over-reacted.
Anyway you slice it, he should have expected a bad reaction. If the story is accurate, then it is a learning experience and he should not ever get himself into anything close to a similar situation. A few million mea culpas, daily flowers, and extended, excessive period of grovelling would be closer to what I would expect as a penalty. That the reaction was unexpected probably doesn’t say much about how well he knew her.
Of course, just because they’ve been going out for years doesn’t mean everything is perfect. If he’s had a roving eye, or had given the GF reason to suspect he’s less than faithful before, then it is understandable he was kicked to the curb. It might also be indicative of an overall drinking problem - I certainly don’t know enough to say it is or it isn’t, but she would know.
Absolutely. When people try the ‘I know I did something reprehensible but I was really drunk’ line with me, I calmly explain that that might be the reason, but it’s certainly no excuse.
This is a parody thread, right? A parody of all the sad excuse for a relationship threads wherein the OP posts a ridiculously one-sided scenario where the OP is in the wrong and wants hugs and puppies for it? Or where the OP’s SO is in the wrong and yet they spend 5 pages defending him or her and saying “you guys just don’t understand how it really is!”?
'Cause if it’s not a parody, I’m just flummoxed.
And, uh, yeah, of course he’s in the wrong. Unless they’ve clearly discussed other rules for their relationship in the past, the default assumption is that getting drunk and flirting with a member of your preferred sex, in their apartment, and watching them masturbate is not within the boundaries of a Standard Issue Monogamous Relationship.
