Trampling out the vintage: In which I Pit the USA itself

How about it? Business is tooling up to drive us all to penury, the generations want to wipe each other out in the name of saving civilization, we’re still at war for the sole reason of justifying our being at war for so long, the nation’s cultural and intellectual life have degenerated into howling imbecility, and I really do feel tonight that the incoming new administration is just a huge multicolored Band-Aid whose adhesive is already starting to peel up.

Assume with me, just for the sheer hellish rush of it, that what this country needs is a good civil war.

The questions are: who should fire the first shot? What form should it take? What faction, or factions, should arise against them? What weapons and tactics could be used?

And which side will you be on?

And what would the two sides be, again?

Prepare to be assimilated, eh.

The corporations versus the Churches. The battlefield? The subconsciouses of 300 million Americans! The weapons? Advertising, pheramones and propaganda! Also orbital particle weapons. And flying battleships. With rail-drivers. Psychic rail-drivers.

Yeaaah!

Well if global warming doesn’t get us then nuclear proliferation probably will. Might as well drink up, sit back and enjoy the music. Getting worked up will just harsh the buzz.

Yeah! Let’s overthrow this government and replace it with…what exactly?
Whoever is best at inciting riots?
Whoever has the largest cache of weapons?
Whoever controls the most industries?
Whoever has the most gold?
Whoever controls the military?

What is that assumption based on? Wouldn’t whatever is driving that assumption be which sides would be at war?

But since the first part of the OP doesn’t tie with this part, it’s just non-sequitur.

Wait, you’re not drunk, are you?

Who: The machines v The freedom fighters
Where: Earth…sorta…really just Zion and The Machine City
First shot: Possibly the machines fired first but no one really knows.
Weapons/tactics: Increasingly fanciful and non-nonsensical electronic warfare
My side: I’m taking the blue pill…the gruel looks awful

Back when it was seriously looking like McCain could possibly win, I did a lot of thinking about California seceding from the Union. Oregon and Washington could come too. The main (hypothetical, of course) objective was to separate us right-thinking folks from the succession of hick politicians and the addled Southerners who love them.

The problem? A whole lot of the U.S. military would be fiercely loyal to the South. Sure, they can’t manage the war in Iraq, but we’re right in their backyard.

Could you guys finish the last season of *Lost *first? I really want to know how it ends.

Well, I for one think that Obama would totally lay the smack down in the Thunderdome…

The butler does it.

Proletarian uprising. Once we get over 25% unemployment, we can find enough desperate former workers to rise up against the plutocrats & their libertarian fellow travelers. Blood in the streets.

Then again, that’s just my bias as a Jacobin.

Sure it does. We’re decadent, confused, greedy and angry. Violence is purifying, cathartic and redemptive. Blood makes the grass grow. Reboot society.

Well, I was when I wrote this. This morning I’ve got the radio tuned to Cynical and I’m out to shrivel hearts and minds in my own image.

I sort of like Hostile Dialect’s idea that the military would be loyal to the South, hick politicians, and religious demagoguery. And they’ve got most of the guns.

The war has been fought behind the scenes. Corporations won. The guys who engineered the theft of the worlds money supply have convinced us that only they have the expertise to fix it. They won twice in a row.

Can I be on the side with the flying battleships? Whether that means sucking dick or going to church every Sunday (and therefore, probably sucking dick), I’m all up for it.

-Joe

I think it would fracture up a bit more than most people think. The Industrial Northeast would probably become one state, the rural far northeast would likely join them, creating the Northeastern Union. Drawing a line from West Virginia over to the Mississippi and down, will form the Southern States. The Republic of Florida maintains independence or splits at the central florida line. The north side joining the Southern States, the lower end maybe calling itself the Conch Republic :). Texas will annex OK and AR and also remain independent. The Midwest will join with the remaining states east of the Rockies forming up into the Central States. The North and Southwest will join forces to create the Western Union. ( :slight_smile: ) Lastly, California, Oregon, and Washington Will become the Pacific Republic. Alaska will remain independent, and Hawaii will fall to self rule.

Here are some ideas:

NASCAR vs F1
Metal vs Country
Mac vs PC
Toilet paper near-wallers vs away-from-wallers
Starbucks vs WalMart

ETA:

Bean vs no bean chili makers

Them. Definitely Them. Then we have the beneficial PR of being a grass-roots movement rising up against the merciless oppressor.

Us vs. Them. What else is there?

Us. Weren’t you listening?

Start with water balloons, and if they respond by hurling apples, escalate immediately to 400KT thermonuclear warheads, to ‘teach them a lesson’.

Well, I can see me as part of Us, but not as part of Them. You, on the other hand, could be one of Us or one of Them; I’m not really sure yet.

I would consider switching sides, however, as long as someone can provide a sound ideological argument for doing so, accompanied by a generous financial package.

IRL, the Canadian Customs and Immigration officers are presently being armed.

Do you suppose that is a coincidence?

Hey, if you guys have a civil war (typing that, it occurred to me what an incredible contradiction in terms that is, but I digress), try to keep it down, okay? We’re trying to build a successful, peaceful country up here. :slight_smile: