Tranq's periodic thread about dangerous driving.

The BBQ Pit
1

Rather than start a series of new threads on idiotic driving, this will be the thread I go to time and again when stupidity strikes the roads.

This morning’s sample is Speed Racer, the Moron (SRM). SRM was one car behind me, and decided that she just had to move one car up the chain of cars poking along at a steady 25mph. So, SRM whips over onto the shoulder, guns past me, and then cuts right back in front of me. OK, this is bad enough, and I instantly saw more red than an Enron auditor, but what really got my goat was that SRM immediately slid into the inside turn lane.

What the fuck is your malfunction, SRM? Did you just not have enough deadly risk this morning? Is giving everyone around you a case of the shakes your way of starting the day right?!

Look, you microcephalic dimglow, if you’d waited your turn, you’d have gotten your crap-sucking self to the turn lane without risking the life and fucking limbs of the people around you, and it would’ve cost you…

Wait for it…

Five fucking seconds!

Well, guess what, SRM you selfish, dangerous, stupid bitch? I got your tag number. I’ve already placed a call to the State Police. There’s nothing they can do right now, but tomorrow, they’ll be waiting. They’ve promised to be waiting along that stretch of road every morning for the rest of the week. They may not get you, but they’ll be ticketting plenty of other assholes that use that stretch of road to get into your place of work. That’s right! You’ve just brought Traffic Cop Hell down on the heads of your co-workers, the poeple who missuse the shoulder, cut off other drivers and generally make that strip of road hateful. You were the last straw, and the State Boys will be filling books of tickets at the expense of you and your fellow assholes. Traffic will be forced to behave, and your trip to the office will be much slower.

Where’s your five sconds now?!

Bwah hahahahahaaaaa…!

I will take an alternate route. It’ll cost me 5 more minutes, but you and your other dangerous coworkers will be creeping along, looking for the cops. And I will be laughing.

Take that, bitch!

2

Man, you’ve got that kind of power? Hell, at my little office, it’s one and a half blocks off of a highway, with a speed limit of 25 mph, and during morning rush hour, every state employee in the universe is late to work, and I’m trying to make a left hand turn into my driveway.

when they’re done there, can ya send them over to my stretch of road?? thanks. :smiley:

3

Smooth mooooooove Tranq. Getting mad AND getting even. Nice.

4

No special power, save that I mentioned some of the behaviors I’d seen along that stretch. The lieutenant I spoke too was very interested to learn about the routine shoulder-riding, the school busstop encroachment, and the other stupid behaviors. There are two large employers along this strech of road, and there’s an accident at their common access road every other morning due to aggressive drivers that didn’t budget enough drive time, and are about to be late for work.

A well-placed officer should be able to fill a whole book in a single morning.

5

They got her, by gum!

This morning on the way into the office, whom should I see pulled over to the side, getting a nice little visit from the man-in-a-hat? None other than SRM! Yup, she got the red-n-bluelight special today. Dunno what it was she did this time, but there she was… Oh happy day! Karma gotcha, bimbo!

6

:smiley: Man, your powers are scary T. Remember me not to piss you off. :smiley:

7

Well, when your victim makes a point of being an asshole, Karma only needs a little help… :smiley:

8

First the planets align and now this. Here’s 5 bucks that says OJ will be killed by an errant golf ball (sliced, of course) within the year.

9

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Heh, heh, he said “Sliced.”

10

Good job, Tranq! Geez. I’ll have to keep that one in mind. Except that I doubt the Phoenix cops would care that much.

11

Man, if I had seen this thread I wouldn’t have posted something along very similar lines in my own pit thread ( Wait in line! ). Here I thought I was being marginally clever but you beat me to the punch. Ahh well…it was cathartic anyway.

To continue the theme of the OP just this morning I had some prick come flying up on me shortly after leaving a tollbooth. Mind you I was in the far right lane going 65 but this was TOO SLOW for my ass minded friend behind me. Also, it was raining VERY hard at that point so again I saw no real need to go any faster…I might have been going too fast for conditions already. Besides, my exit was only two miles ahead and I saw no reason to speed up. There are two other lanes this putz could use and I’m in the slow lane. This continues for maybe half a mile and I am approaching another vehicle one lane over when this guy decides he MUST get ahead of me. He pops into the middle lane and floors it. As things panned out he was only just able to swerve between me and the car he was rapidly approaching from behind in his lane. With all the rain the maneuver, with him driving a jacked-up top heavy pickup, probably wasn’t the safest thing in the world but luck seems to favor idiots sometimes so he didn’t go careening off the road as he deserved. Instead I get a windshield full of water kicked-up by his truck added to the already heavy downpour. Lotsa fun that…

ONE MINUTE LATER I AM SITTING NEXT TO HIM AT THE SAME FUCKING STOP LIGHT HAVING GOTTEN OFF AT THE SAME FUCKING EXIT THAT WAS ONLY ABOUT ONE FUCKING MILE AHEAD WHEN THIS FUCKER WENT CRAZILY PAST ME!!! What the fuck is this guy’s malfunction? He didn’t even save himself 5 fucking seconds! He saved himself precisely ZERO SECONDS on his whole fucking drive!

Asshole…

He is useless on top of the ground - he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. - Mark Twain

12

So, tonight’s contestants are the train of college-age idiots out to make it to a movie. How do I know how old they were, or where they were going? Because this string of cars, after five miles of cutting people off, stamping on the gas, jamming on the brakes, and weaving through heavy trucks with full loads, managed to just pull into the movie parking lot right in front of me, gaining less that five seconds in five miles of dangerous, risky, assholish driving.

I drove like a human being, and got there at essentially the same timne, and the only time my life was in jeaporady is when the train of microcephalic jackoffs cut me off.

Guess what, pricks? Come Monday AM, I’m making another phone call. There’ll be a new location, a new time for Traffic Cop Hell, and you and your jackoff buddies are the target. Hope you have fun explaining to your folks why you can’t afford insurance anymore!

Bwah-hahahahahahaaaa…!