Now, pretty much anybody with an interest in the Transformers Movie has something to say about the new robot designs; from Flames on Optimus to Megatron resembling a burst bag full of corkscrews. Me? Well, I recognise the need to update the robots… the original designs would perhaps appear a bit cube-y on screen. Anyways, thats not the point I’m making.
See, looking at the new robots, I can’t see how they transform… as in, I can’t make out which bit goes where, how they go from being cars and trucks to upright standing bipedal robots. Of course, up until recently, all I was basing my studies on were still images and the trailers, which only showed glimpses of transformations. However, I’ve seen the new movie… and still no further on. Transformations take place in seconds, and, although stunning don’t clearly show where legs appear from, or arms pop out. I’m maybe being a bit OCD about this, but I couldnt really fully enjoy the movie without being able to fully realise the robots in my mind. Bumblebee especially; he seems to grow limbs out of nowhere. All I thought was there is NO WAY all that fits into a Camero.
So, i said to myself theres only one thing for it; buy some new transformers toys, and play with them. Seems a reasonable thing for a 26 year old guy to do. I went out today with the intention of buying a Bumblebee and an Optimus Prime, so I could transfor them, and study what goes where, in an “ah I see, thats where that goes” kinda way. And here’s what I’ve found.
The new transformeres toys DO NOT TRANSFORM.
At least, I havent been able to find any that do. All I can find are “robot replica’s”, all of which, in the small print, at the bottom of the box, have these words;
DOES NOT CONVERT.
Does not convert. What the…
For starters, transformers don’t convert. They transform. Hence the name; TRANSFORMERS. if they converted, they’d be called Converters.
And what do you mean, Does not Convert? Thats what I want the toy for! Thats it’s reason for being; Robot Transforming into Car. This sucks.
Seriously, is there any of the new toys that actually convert? Fuck, I mean, transform (they have me at this converting bullshit now). Best I can find is an Optimus truck that transforms into a Nerf-dart rifle, or something. Seems that the new robot designs are so complex, that toys are impossible (how would a toy of the new Megatron transform into anythng other than a trip to the ER?). I mean, I really expected that at least someone would produce one of those ridiculously expensive 22" tall Optimus Prime figure, imaculatley detailed, that transformed into a shiny truck.
So I could push it around and go BRRMM.
This is indeed a dark day in the Bubastis house.