Trapped on an escalator

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspired by an IMHO thread about getting trapped on an elevator. While on your travels you happen to be staying in a hotel that’s hosting a stupid celebrity convention. There’s a fault with the escalator and you’re going to be stuck on there for several hours, at least.

You’re going to be trapped in there with the following people who will engage you about their chosen topic of interest;

Dan Quayle
Kim Kardashian
David Hasselhoff
Sarah Palin
Britney Spears

Two questions - if you had to pick one of them to be stuck with you, who would you pick?
Question the second - you’re going to be stuck in there with all of them, but I can remove one. Who would you not want to be there?

2

Anybody too dumb to walk off the escalator isn’t going to hold my attention. I might buy David Hasselhoff a drink.

3

Let me get one on one with Britney. And Palin gets cut first.

4

If I’m stupid enough to believe I’m stuck, it doesn’t matter who I spend the next couple hours with, as I won’t even understand language.

But I guess I would understand reproduction, so I’d take Britney.

5

Palin gets cut first. Then again just to be sure. Then again and again, just to leave plenty of forensics.

6

Anyone but Palin or Quayle.

They’d be worth tapping my watch, saying out loud, “…is it that late already? Bye…!”, rolling on my back to between the moving hand rails, and sliding to Freedom.

(Granted, it would be more fun with a musical score…)

The other people are entertainers who actually work hard and have actually never tried to hurt the quality of life of my family.

While the others might not be impressed with me, I can be very pleasant, interesting, fun and entertaining; risk three whole sentences with me and I’m a great conversationalist. It’s just finding people brave enough to risk three whole sentences.
Oh, and Bill O’Reilly is Right Out. I’d be way too tempted to flip him and send him head first down the banister with his tales between his legs…

7

“You would never see an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order’ sign, just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.’” - Mitch Hedberg

8

I’d be pleased to walk off the escalator with David Hasslehoff, buy him a drink and listen to his stories.

If my companion and I are unable to walk, I’d pick [male chauvinist alert :eek:] a good-looking woman and pretend to listen. Kim, then Britney.

I do not want to be stuck with anyone from the Koch brother’s party, so Palin is out.

9

Can we pitch the ones we don’t like over the side?

10

There may be something in Kim K’s contract to keep her from talking to you in such a case- yes it would be the escalator clause.

I’d take Dan Quayle, he might actually have something to say. Though I’d prefer to have Spears above me so I could check out her tush while I talk to Danny.

11

As long as we agree on who, need help? I have no qualms about doing for Repugnican politicians what David Letterman used to do for TV sets.

As for Spears, I’m curious. She works too hard each stage show to be totally out of it. Screw the dumb-ass ogle, I’d be curious to know what she thinks about current events. I’ve found people can be pretty cool if you let them*.

*Scumbag Pols Not Included In This Subset

12

I would ask you to pitch Kim Kardashian over the side. Sarah Palin is the only one listed who could actually hold up her end of a normal conversation. Hunting, fishing, snow machines, etc.

13

Sarah Palin’s tongue click thing would drive me to murder, so anyone but her.

14

Given that I’m not interested in talking to any of them, I’ll choose the one most aesthetically pleasing. Near tossup between Kim K. and Britney, with Kim winning by a nose.