Get a couple of fake bodyparts and make them look like they were cut up and accidentally dropped. Add a new sign that says “trespassers will be fed to dog”.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MGibson *
**
Am I the only one here who’s read Cormac McCarthy’s Suttree?
My parents have signs posted around their land that say:
Warning!
Private Property
Survivors will be prosecuted.
Seems to work. Especially after my Dad happened across trespassers once in a while in the beginning. He can look pretty damn scary if he wants to.
I also put in a vote for the sacrificial boat to deal with the fishermen
In today’s litigious society, better not. The bad 'ol days are gone, and with them rocksalt and warning shots.
You want to keep them from swiping your boat, knocking down your fences, things like that? Smear what you want to protect (say, the chain you use on your boat, or your fenceposts) with a thick layer of white lithium grease. After you handle it, the stuff gets EVERYWHERE, and it’s almost impossible to remove. Let 'em get it all over their hands, their clothes, their equipment, what have you. They’ll be marked. And I bet their parents will NOT be pleased with them. The only downside is, you’ll need to be careful yourself, but you’ll know where you put the grease…
Well, surely, ol’ pal, you must agree with the age-old dictum, “Property is theft” !
{quickly ducking under the rock-salt fusillade}
Do they ever bring their nubile teenaged Mennonite girlfriends along? Spankings are often effective as deterrents of future misbehavior.
Why don’t you get a capgun? Wave a real gun in the air (assuming this are the amish) and fire the cap gun behind your back as you chase them.
Or get blanks.(if they’re legal where you are)
I myself have been the recipient of a present of rock salt given me at high velocity from a man who disputed my ownership of a bag of cantaloupes.
Scylla, I know you were entertaining the possibility of leaving your home. If you do not, if you choose to stay, I have a small and potentially useful suggestion.
Multiflora rose.
This plant is nature’s very own Concertina. A rabbit won’t go through this crap. Pop had strings around his acreage, I have several plants now.
Plant rows of plants in the most-trafficked areas. Tip root them during growing season. In the fall, simply cut them down, for a multiflora rose knows no joy like the joy of being killed. Killing them stimulates them to grow like banshees.
In a couple of years you’ll have an intruder-less property.
One of the nice bits is the billions of tiny pink roses you’ll see for a large part of the summer.
Good luck!
b.
Seriously, folks, NO GUNS. As satisfying as it might be, even just waving one around for show is inviting big trouble, as I am sure that Scylla knows.
How about a visit to the local bishop, to make your point clearly understood? Perhaps the message could get out this way.
I suppose digging pits with spikes and/or tigers at the bottom, and covering them with palm fronds wouldn’t be an option…?
[hijack] Scylla, you’ve reached 4000!!!
Congrats!!![hijack]
Do you know anyone in the Army or Reserves?
Let word leak out around your neighbors that the government says your land was used for training back in WWII. Some military types can come out to inspect, looking for unexploded shells, grenades and the like.
Set off a couple of really loud explosions while they’re there. Then post official looking warning signs around the property.
Wait, that might just attract more of the little fuckers! D’oh, never mind.
I see no other route than just becoming a mean old bastard (and we know that’s not in you, Scylla), which would just serve to invite retaliation.
If you can get more evidence, put pressure on the police. There are lots of ways to do that. Don’t give up. I understand your frustration.
Just a couple of thoughts here…
Couldn’t you be a bit stealthier when you hear noises from your pond? Running down there in your truck is sure to give them too much warning you’re coming.
Also, think it would be possible to rig your boat with a paint bomb of some type? You know, similar to the ones they use on bank robbers. It may take some engineering to do this but it would remove all question about who was in your boat.
Perhaps a lusty billy goat in the throws of puberty? 
I like the billy goat theory. Combine that with the multiflora roses, and you’ve really got something! The goat will eat the roses (goats will eat almost anything that doesn’t bite back), stressing them and encouraging them to grow like no one’s business. Better, the goat may chase your trespassers into the roses!
Either that, or get a flock of geese. Not even God screws around with geese.
Scylla, sounds like you have a lot of land on your hands, and that it may be too much trouble for you. It’s terrible that the law doesn’t license people to protect life AND property anymore… oh well
As a one time offer form a friend of the SDMB, I am willing to take your large, heavily wooded property with its own pond off your hands (at a significantly discounted price, of course :D).
I’m not sure where you live, but I’m pretty sure it’s not near the mouth of a cave in Ancient Greece.
But seriously, aside from some of the clever pranks that have been suggested so far, how DOES one protect their property nowadays? It’s hardly fair for you to have to chase people off the property at all times of day, and like you’ve said, if they get hurt, you have a new landlord.
Good luck.
-j
Another sign idea (based off a real sign I saw):
“Anyone caught here at night
will be found here in the morning”
How about a barbed wire fence around the property? (with “electric fence” signs all over it, of course)
Zette
Or, if you’re in a really bad mood, drag the chain,(and maybe the oars) through a patch of poison ivy before locking up the boat.
mmmm…I like my capgun idea.
Altough, there is something to say about nature’s barbwire and angry Goats. Perhaps llamas can be added to the equation. In fact, maybe you could get a wild animal license, and get Tigers.
Where the hell was I? oh yeah.
** Scylla** if these kids are a regular problem, why don’t you take a damn picture, or better yet, a videorecording of them fooling with your stuff? This way it’ll also record you saying “Hey! You damn kids! get off me property, you sons of whores!”.
Take it to the local Sheriff’s office. Have him go by and put those fuckers in Juvie.