Trileptal Invective as It Fucks Me

The BBQ Pit
1

Trileptal’s Got a Hold on Me/
Oh, yes it does./
Trileptal’s Got a Hold on Me Right Now/
Oh, yes it does…

Damn this fucked up medication. Damn it to hell, then to purgatory, then back to hell. I decided that I didn’t want to be this sedated, zombish, toned-down wraith anymore. I’ve been on Lithium for six years & Trileptal for one. I don’t want to be this person anymore. And it’s not just that I don’t WANT it. I don’t want to live like this anymore. This is my life & I complied for more than a time & it’s a twilight zone, a long walk on a gray day. The rough edges are gone, but so are my emotions. I have an emotional range from 4 to 6. It’s for people that feel that a restricted emotional range & responsiveness is the price one pays to not have spending sprees or crying jags. You just settle down into this state of stifled evenness. You hear that you f*ucking mental health practicioners out there? You psychiatrists, social workers, psychologists, other non-mental health medical practicioners: My quality-of-life has been compromised by my mental illness treatment. But that’s besides the point. That’s just my preamble to the main purpose of this bitch-&-rage entry.
Here’s my side of the story.
TRILEPTAL. Fucking Trileptal. I started stepping down off my dosage in a gradual way, like experience has taught me is the best thing for your body & mind, where foreign substances are concerned. I took 600 mg, skipped a day, took 600 mg, skipped a day, took 600 mg, skipped a day. And felt fine. Felt less stifled than I’ve felt since eight or nine years ago before I took a slippery slide down Manic-Depressive Way. (And I know I’m still on that street, thank you v.m.; I just stopped listening to the doctrine of “Medication-is-the-way-to-Salvation”, with a sidecar of “Tell-Me-How-You’re-Feeling.”
But I started feeling dizzy & nauseous Sunday & here it is Wednesday night & I am puking my brains out. I have been a pale, peevish ghost at work, even more so than usually, because I have CONSTANTLY BEEN DIZZY. I just got up from praying to the porcelain god & I had vomit splashing back up in my face. What kind of fucking life is this? Twelve-step recovery from my non-addictive prescribed medication? Nice.
I am not used to being ill. The only chronic conditions I have had are Bipolar & IBS. Otherwise, I’m usually just tired & negative, listless, unenervated & pulling the 60 lbs. I gained after getting on Lithium. Chronic seven-year state of being.
But fucking Trileptal has robbed me even of that gray state-of-being. Now every time I turn my head or shift my eyes, I get waves of dizzyness (Usually in threes.)
What does it feel like? (And it feels quite awful.) Like the sound of bass in your head, but not near the base of your neck, no…it’s in the front interior, the fucking frontal lobes. The Terminator 2 theme song banging in your head every few minutes as you try to focus & look unconcerned. (At least mania didn’t make me nauseous.)
I thought about taking Tri-hobble-all once every two days, but would I be prolonging the dizzyness & nausea? I don’t want to do that anymore than I have to.
I HAD TO switch from Lithium, because it took out my thyroid. That’s right. Never warned about that at all. But all of a sudden my period was going strong a month & counting & what do you know, I have hypothroidism, at age 27. Did I feel any more tired than usual? What the fuck do I know, I always feel tired.
Thanks, mental health practicioners. I see the causal relationship between lithium & hypothroidism in the literature now I’m looking for it. You knew it was a risk. Thanks for advising me about that…not at all. (P.S. Lithium desisted, thyroid rebounded.)
Now that Trileptal seems to be even less-lovely than Lithium (if that’s possible) what the fuck am I supposed to do. Crawl through the day, trying not to hold my head in my hands & moan. How long is this going to GO ON???
Based on my prior experience, I’d be willing to bet $50 bucks that my psychiatrist doesn’t even know possible withdrawal symptoms for Trileptal.
And yes, I saw her last week & I told her, “After seven years & my only manic episode, I want to see how I do without being on meds, if I can arrest the insomnia & hyperverbalness when/if they come again. (No sarcastic comments please. I’m not at work, so this still COUNTS as coping.).” Did she tell me how long to keep stepping down of Trileptal? NO! She told me how easy it would be to reach her to go back on it quickly if/when I need to. Thanks so ever much, but it ain’t helping me a whole hell of a lot right now!
Since Trileptal’s still somewhat new (2000), it’s a fair unknown. And I’ve been reading for however long about the various meds that med field slipped up on: Ambien (oops, it’s addictive, withdrawal symptoms, lets take you off that)! Prozac (whoops, hard to get off of, proceed with caution, better yet stay on it.) Paxil (oops, kind of tough to stop taking, even if gradually, good luck, you might need something else to help with the withdrawal effects.) We want to “improve your functioning”, help you “feel like your usual self”, take this pill, whoops, don’t feel well, don’t go off of it. You need long-term therapy then, keep taking it until…just keep taking it.
This is not troubling to anyone else??? Its frequency is becoming ridiculous.
I’m going to call my p-doc tomorrow & leave her a message --in a calm, composed, & collected way-- that Trileptal is fucking, fucking hell to go off of.

I like you Dopers, I listen as much to your prosaics as anyone else’s, even though quite a few of you are twisted, albeit highly-intelligent, fuckers.
But is this subject matter too much for you: Fighters of Ignorance & Champions of Clear-Cut Facts? Yeah, I think it is.
::JungleLove having expressed herself, returns to bathroom to clean it; leaves crackers & Sprite by monitor::

2

Fuckin 'A.

I wish I had some useful advice, but I don’t really feel qualified. Just hang in there. Easier said than done, I know, just hang in there.

3

Uh oh, looks like someone forgot to take their medication.

4

There are a lot of other bipolar meds out there. Neurontin, Lamictal, Topamax, Depakote. Can’t you ask your doc to give one of them a whirl? Good luck, JL.

5

Can’t speak about treatment for bipolar condition, but I know that there is a lot of crossover between that and treatments for epilepsy.

For me, Epilim was mind-numbing, turned me into a zombie (very similar to your experience with your medication). I took myself off it without any withdrawal symptoms (cold turkey!).

After 15 years medication-free, I had a big seizure and am back on medication. The neuro put me on Lamictal this time and it seems to be pretty good. No noticeable side-effects. Of course, your mileage may vary. From what I’ve read about Lamictal, it seems to be effective for helping some bipolar patients. Ask your doctor about it.

JungleLove, I can totally relate to your complaints about your medication. Sucks ass, doesn’t it? I hope you sort it out quickly hugs

Max.

6

Hey even if you want to go off a mood stabilizer, you are doing it waaaay too fast and what happened WAS withdrawal symptoms. Not only that, you can expect one hell of a fucking roller coater ride emotionally. If you want to go off you should taper down by taking smaller dosages but not 600mg less a day and do it over say a three month period. You can’t cut your dose in half.

Also, you might consider some others like Topomax. Lithium isn’t good for long term prescriptives as you have unfortunately found out. They should have told you to get frequent thyroid tests as well as blood sugar tests, lithium levels etc. That sucks man but don’t compound it. Work with it, you can do it.

7

Read, man, read

Also, Tony, may I call you Tony? You ain’t funny. Shut up.

Again, Jungle, I can offer no useful advice, except maybe look for a new shrink. Just hang in there.

8

I’ve been on Trileptal for a few months and it’s really helped me. I have never been on Lithium, so I can’t make a comparison as far as that goes.

Instead of 600/none/600/none I’d really have to recommend that you reduce your DAILY dose (as has been suggested).

As far as I know, I have (personally) exhibited no signs of zombification. I am on Trileptal because, since it is not scheduled as a treatment for bipolar (merely for epilepsy), I don’t have to take a bunch of expensive blood tests to be on it. I have no insurance.

Anyhow, another druggie’s 2 cents.

9

Sorry, I guess I thought it was funny. I apologise if anyone, particularly JungleLove took offense.

  • Bubba.
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I’m taking Carbamazepine, and Nuerontin. They work ok for me. I still get periods during the seasonal changes when I don’t sleep, so I wait until my regular bedtime to take my full dose of Sudafed as a matter of course. (It knocks me out cold. Even when I take one tablet, it makes me real groggy.)

I can understand about not wanting to be completely numbed. I want to be able to work someday, maybe teach disabled children with art therapy. To do this, I need to have some feelings. Lithium took away my creativity. I couldn’t even think enough to play a good game of chess!

Good luck finding an acceptable middle ground.
(( JungleLove))

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Aw, thanks you guys. Guys, that’s so supportive & what can I say?
I didn’t expect it on this board.

I almost didn’t post anything-- I mean I felt like shit & what purpose did ranting about it serve?
Other than to formally invite people’s ridicule?

No, Tony Barber, in all of my fatalistic pessimism, you are exactly what I expected.
And thanks, Beeblebrox, you’re the hope I have that there are people “out there” who will understand and even, dare I say it, generously stay open to people. :slight_smile: You are uncommon.

And you guys really came through with some good, practical advice, that in hindsight, makes a lot of sense.

If memory does serve, I did initially start Trileptal on 300 mg (samples) for two weeks & then stepped up to 600 when my mail-order meds came in & then I was dizzy for a week. I was just trying to ignore the hypothroid lethargy & stay in the game at work & I didn’t keep track of my dosage history. Obviously a mistake.

I’m feeling better today. I really am. The dizziness is less intense & the nausea has abated. I’m okay. I just couldn’t keep it all inside. I’m in the mentally-ill closet at work & I suffer in silence there. So I brought it to the Straight Dope. Thank you for helping me in my dark hour.

You guys are way more level-headed than a lot of people in my life. I mean I may have my problems, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Straight Dope’s my therapy & my respite from the land of bad advice & people-that-can’t-take-the-time-to-stop-being-stupid. You can’t pick your relatives or your co-workers, but you can pick your e-community. :slight_smile: And your friends who help as much as they can.

I did feel kind of guilty for waving a flag to promote medication non-compliance. But less guilty than I would have felt a few years ago, since I have come to realize the long term effects these medications have had on my body.

But I thank you for your kind words. I have resolved the best way to stick this out is:
get eight hours of sleep a night,
work really, really hard to go to bed & get out of bed at the same times every day (I hear people do that.)
when I feel compelled to make a big purchase to hand my wallet to a family member & when I get upset & want to hand someone a clue to shut up & know that being noncommittal is the smartest thing to be. And when other less-clueful people get upset, don’t.

And, finally on down the road, if I’m not insightful about being ill, my family will have to be. Then maybe they too will also have to grow up & agree that maybe I need to be on medication after all and it wasn’t just an isolated breakdown I had so ever many years ago. My family keeps saying, “You’re smarter than that. You’re not going to do anything rash, you’re just not going to be like those people we see in those support meetings. You have more self-control than that. You’ll be okay.” We’ll both see.
Maybe I need this high-probability stupid mistake to stop dreaming about life sans meds & to curiously see who I have finally grown up to be after all this time.

This, God willing, will be my last self-indulgent rant for awhile.
I’ll be around. And for those of you doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, I’ll probably be back with you before too long. Although I’ve only been flat-out manic once, I think I may not be a mild case. :wink:

12

If you feel like ranting, email me. I have a lot of insight…

13

As the family member of someone with bipolar illness, all I can offer is the heartfelt wish that you please STAY ON MEDS. If they aren’t working effectively, raise forty kinds of holy hell and change doctors if need be, but stick with it until you find a combo that works. If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you have to fucking beat a psychiatrist over the head (figuratively, of course ;)) before they get it through their thick overeducated skulls that a medication isn’t working as advertised.

Mr. Amanita thought he was managing off meds when we were first married. I didn’t even know that he’d been previously diagnosed as bipolar. He didn’t think he would go manic, either, because it had been years since anything approaching an episode. Well, he had a major manic episode in March 2000, and it took until the end of the year until our lives were somewhat approaching normal again. It took MONTHS for the fucking doctors to hit on a combo of meds that worked for him. As much as I hate the fact that he has to take medications that have serious side effects (lithium and Depakote), I hated the person he became in that manic episode even more. Now we watching his parents’ marriage dissolve after over 45 years because my FIL’s doctor decided to experiment with taking him off his meds. It’s just not worth it.

14

Yeah, taking meds is unfortunately a much loathed reality for me. I just don’t medicate as heavily as the doctors want me to be all the time. It numbs me, and is pointless if I’m not having any big episodes. I know I’ll have to go on more meds if I do have an episode, but for now, I’m at a medicine level that works.

Do raise hell, get the shrink to listen to you, and consider your individual needs. If it affects your daily life to the point that you have to struggle just for day to day business, the shrink needs to have it pounded home so he can work with you to get the right theraputic levels.

This takes time, and lots of patience. If the shrink isn’t listening, tell him you will shop for a new one if he doesnt start. Then stick to your guns if he doesn’t straighten up.

Good luck, keep us updated on it, ok? :slight_smile:

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I’ve learned to make a point of researching possible side effects of psych-meds before I let the doc’ put me on them. I thought long and hard about Trileptal when he suggested it, because I found plenty of information online about what a bitch it is to get off of … I’m glad I did, because it’s really been doing me good. And I’m highly motivated to get a refill when my prescription runs out, because I don’t want to go through what you did. You have my deepest sympathies, JungleLove, and I hope you find a way of living (with or without medication) that works for you.