I’ve got a date this Tuesday night with a girl in whom I have been interested in for a while (woo hoo!) who is a vegetarian, and it just so happens that there is a vegetarian Ethiopian restaurant in the city which I have been wanting to try for quite some time. What I am not sure of is the wisdom of trying a new restaurant on a first date; while the reviews I have seen have been good (3.5 to 4.5 stars) I am not sure I am comfortable not being able to vouch for the place myself. On top of that there is the fact that (assuming that this restaurant is like most Ethiopian places) there are no utensils and the food is eaten by scooping it up with bits of bread and I am not sure that this is the best way to make a good first impression (first ‘date’ impression that is as we’ve known each other for a few months).
On the other hand it is one of the very few vegetarian restaurants in the entire city, and I would like to take her to a specifically vegetarian place for at least our first date. So is there any advice from more experienced dopers? Are my concerns valid, or am I just over thinking things?
Dinner for a first date is fraught with enough peril as it is, and you plan on compounding it by going to an unknown quality restaurant with an unusual serving style? You’re a braver man than I am, Gunga Alistair.
Of course, if she doesn’t laugh at you during dinner, when the food falls off the bread into your lap, then maybe she won’t laugh a few weeks later, when she sees you naked for the first time.
Well, if time allows you might sneak in for lunch first just to get an idea of the place and make sure you agree with the good reviews. But as far as the “eat with your hands” aspect of it, I think that would at least give you something to talk about on a first date. I assume you know her well enough to know that she is into adventurous, ethnic vegetarian food, not more of a “tuna salad sandwich, hold the tuna” type. I have really enjoyed the few Ethiopian meals I’ve had. Tasty, but perhaps bring some breath mints.
Yes, absolutely no problem about proposing the idea. It’s a mutual experiment. You can always order an appetizer, and watch how other people are reacting to the food, maybe even ask them, and bail before the entre order if the signs are bad.
It would be worse if you talked up a restaurant you liked, and she ended up not happy with her meal.
I’m a horrible person to ask for dating advice, but I’m a huge fan of ethiopian food, so maybe I can help there:
First, don’t worry too much about looking weird when you eat. You take a piece of bread, rip it off, and pick up a bit of whatever - it really isn’t that messy, unless you get greedy and try to grab huge chunks. So don’t do that.
Second - don’t worry too much about what to order. There is no such thing as bad Ethiopian food. Seriously - you’ll be fine if you just point blindly to two items on the vegetarian listing.
Third - everything is spicy. Some stuff is spicier than other stuff, but it’s all spicy. If this bothers your girlfriend, go someplace else.
Fourth - if you’re a wine drinker, go for a strong-flavored red. Whites, for the reasons given above, are kind of pointless with Ethiopian food.
Enjoy! Everyone I’ve ever talked/coerced/bludgeoned into trying Ethiopian has loved it. Let us know how it was.
If she’s in the same city as you, or nearby, perhaps she’s already BEEN to that restaurant if there aren’t many to choose from? I haven’t dated in a very long time, and even when I did, I wasn’t much good at it, but what about mentioning something beforehand, like, “Hey, I’ve noticed The Ethiopian Vegetable Palace in town but have never eaten there. Would you like to give it a try?”
She might say, wow, that place is awesome, great, or, that place blows, ewww, how about going to this place instead, or, she might say, hey, you’re the man, I go where you tell me we’re going.
Now you understand why I’ll never write the definitive guide to dating. Good luck
I’m not all that brave silenus, I’m just placing my bet on the ‘fun and adventurous’ aspect outweighing the peril. fingers crossed
While Ethiopian food has never specifically come up in conversation she does seem to enjoy foreign cuisine, but none the less I do intend to make sure she is open to the idea and have a few backup places in mind as well. I wish I had time to be able to try the place out first but since I work in a different city getting there for lunch tomorrow will be impossible.
While I am not certain I have a good feeling that she has never been to the place in question, Merhouse, as she moved her not more than two weeks before we first met and has been living on campus since then. None the less I agree that asking before hand is certainly the best way to go.
Thanks for the reassurance Mr. Excellent, I’ve actually had Ethiopian food before (and loved it) but it was at a place in Arizona that both had almost entirely meat dishes and used silver ware so this is still a new experience. Also thank you very much for reminding me that it is spicy, I would have completely forgotten to mention that to her.
Oh, and I looked up tej and I think that sounds like excellent advice Boyo Jim.
Well, I love Ethiopian food, and I think I would really like it if a man had gone to all the trouble to research a restaraunt that he thought I would like. Big bonus points for sure.
So, I would suggest it, tell her you’ve never been there but it’s had good reviews and see what happens.
As an FWI, a lot of Ethiopian restaraunts don’t serve alcohol, so if you’re going to need a drink to relax and loosen up you might want to go out for a drink beforehand.
I’d just preface the whole thing as an adventure and see if she’s game. “How do you feel about experimenting with Ethiopian food?” Then you don’t have to wonder if she’s going to think you’re a shitty date.
Incidently, I’d do it. I’m always up for something new.
Personally, I think any guy willing to be adventurous, particularly with his fingers, is going to make me feel a lot more relaxed on a first date than a guy who wants to go to a stuffy formal place. Provided you’ve checked, and she doesn’t hate Ethiopian food, this sounds like a lot of fun.
You could always go there for lunch and scout it out. But I think new places on first dates are a good thing. If the chemistry is there, honestly, the sky could fall and you’ll still do okay. And then that first date disaster becomes this cutesy story you proceed to sicken your friends with at parties, about this rude waiter and then it rained and you started making out in the car in the parking lot filled with homeless people. Or about how you valiantly used the stale bread they brought you to crush a cockroach on the table. Or something. Just have a back-up plan.
You know, it really depends on whether you want to get laid fast or whether you want to see if she’s a fun person. Me, I figure if she can’t handle a little restaurant disappointment with good humor, she won’t last a month anyway.
(Did you check to see if she’s been there already?)
Like other posters have suggested, ask her and let it be her choice. But have a back-up restaurant in mind in case she’d rather not be adventurous. Speaking as a vegetarian, I’d be impressed that you’re making the effort.
And, mmmmmmm, Ethiopean. Wish we had an Ethiopean restaurant here in town.
Would you have fun eating at that restaurant if it weren’t for a first date? If so, then go there on the first date!!
If she likes it, and can have fun with something new and exotic, or if it (the restaurant) turns out to be a bust, then how she handles that should be a good indicator of how compatible you two are. Good or bad, it will certainly be memorable and she will most likely appreciate your willingness to be so daring.
When my partner and I first got together, she was making me breakfast and set her kitchen curtains on fire. We laughed so damned hard.
Sounds like a great time to me! She’ll probably be impressed you thought about her dietary needs, so that’s a plus for you. Also, the new foods & way of eating them will give you something to chat about if you’re feeling awkward at first. I think it would be a nice ice-breaker.
If it turns out the food sucks, then you’ll have something to laugh about later if the date goes well. If you get along well enough, then the date will go OK even if the restaurant ends up being a bust.
I think it sounds lovely, Alistair. Vegetarian Ethiopian is delicious (though doro wat is my absolute favorite). I’d be much more impressed with a guy who suggested that for a first date than one who wanted to go to Olive Garden.
