One of my patients requested oxycodone for his terrible chronic headaches today. He’s a new admission to our maximum security prison, but I was still able to quickly ascertain that such a treatment was not appropriate for the symptoms presented and the signs observed.
But it was while I was perusing his processing/entry information (something I do for patients requesting narcotics, to see what their alcohol/drug background was like), I noted the entry which made mention of one reason why he got sent back to prison. To whit:
“Parolee attempted to kill his girlfriend without her permission, violating rule #s 4438 and #4689 of his parole agreement”.
:dubious:
If only he’d gotten her permission first, he’d not have been back in prison, and I’d not be spending my time examining his head, among other things.
You know, that raises a good point for his defense. When you’ve got that many rules, how the heck are you supposed to remember that you need permission to kill your girlfriend?
Yeah, and what he did is way, way down the list. Now I personally can’t think of 4437 things more serious than killing your girlfriend, but apparently someone did.
Rule 4437: No killing anybody. Rule 4438: Not even your girlfriend. Rule 4439: Not even if she really deserves it. Rule 4440: Not even if she gives you permission first.
… Rule 4689: No killing your girlfriend! Yes, we really mean it!
#4438 Attempted murder is a violation of the therms of parole.
We’re big on the whole rebuilding life skills to prepare prisoners for life outside of prison and if you can’t manage an everyday task like girlfriend slaying without screwing up, frankly you don’t deserve deserve to be let out.
Parole can be re-applied for on successful completion of community outreach programs 5565 (Basic Shiv Making 101) and 5566 (Creative Rope Work 201).
Does anyone else get the feeling that they’re as low on the list as they are because the guy who wrote the rule book thought “ok, killing someone without their permission is self-evident”? Because I picture it going like this:
Rule Guy: Ok, the rules are done meanwhile, out on the streets a recent parolee murders his neighbor
Judge: WTF? That’s not a violation of your parole? Weird. Someone bring me that stupid rule guy!
RG: Look, Judge, think about it – shouldn’t murder go without saying as one of those things that puts your ass back in jail?
J: Uhm, how long have you lived in America, pal? Now put it in the rule book, along with “you can’t steal shit, you can’t rape people and kicking puppies is bad, too!”
