Yes, you’ve got the right of it – he insisted on inverting the traditional age- and familiarity- based system for the duration of the stay, although I managed to “tu-toier” him a few times and he responded, but then caught himself with a broad, comical “Ahhhh, you almost fooled me” type of smile. The idea, I think, was that I would use the “tu” form as an expression of my comfort in his home, and he would use the “vous” form to indicate how pleased he was to have me as a guest.
This may have stemmed from the fact that he lived near the German-French border, and that very early in our introductions, he asked if I had any relatives who had fought in the war. I mentioned two or three members of my family who were in the military – because when he said “La Guerre” I thought he meant “the war” as an abstract – and thinking back it’s possible I even indicated that they “had served” in a tense that indicated they were all now dead :eek: . But by the time I caught on (long after I’d left France) it was a little late.
It was a bit of a lark trying to explain the social significance of the situation to my non-Francophone roommate who was also with our choir.
Usage is impossible to dissociate from culture. A poster mentioned that “vous” might be used when talking to your parents. This used to be true, as a matter of fact, my father always used “vous” when talking to my grand-parents. However, nowadays, this is really old-fashion and I’d WAG that 99.999% of French speakers say “tu” to their parents. The language hasn’t changed by the cultural context has; kids have a less formal relationship with their parents. “Tu” is being used more and more, even in situations that would have been unthinkable some time ago. It’s mostly a sign that social relationships are changing. People like to emphasise friendliness over formality.
That being said, it’s still always safer to use “vous” at first. Unless they’re jerks, people will definitely tolerate an obvious non-native speaker saying “tu” in a situation like a business call, but it’s really, really grating.
Re: France and Québec, while the accents are indeed very different, formal usage is not terribly different. “Parlez-vous anglais?” is the correct expression on both sides of the Atlantic. In the vernacular, though, in Québec, people don’t really like to switch the pronoun-verb order to indicate a question. Instead of: “Parles-tu anglais?” you’re more likely to hear: “Est-ce que tu parles anglais?” Both are grammatically correct, it’s just that Quebecers are overwhelmingly likely to prefer the second.
New Brunswick French, though, is a whole other kettle of fish.
Indeed, vous parlez anglais? is a perfectly legit way to ask.
And for Jurph’s edification (as well as anyone else’s), the verbs are tutoyer and vouvoyer, conjugated thusly:
je tutoie/vouvoie
tu tutoies/vouvoies
il tutoie/vouvoie
nous tutoyons/vouvoyons
vous tutoyez/vouvoyez
ils tutoient/vouvoient
I mention this partly cause I’m a nitpicky French major, and also because “tu-tuer!” made me chuckle a bit–tuer is to kill. I’m glad to see you didn’t actually tuer anyone.
This woman in France goes to the theater to see a play, but once she settles into her seat, she is dismayed to find that the sitting woman in front of her keeps on chatting out loud with her companion, even after the play has started. She tries to signal the chatty woman to be quiet, but to no avail. Finally in exasperation, she exclaims, “Oh! Quelle pétulance!” The woman in front turns around and says: “Madame, je ne vous ai pas donné la permission de me tutoyer.”
