Before hooking up with the Lone Ranger, Tonto had worked as an interior decorator:
“Hmmm… Now we put bedrolls by cactus, campfire inside stones… What that? You no like it? Ugnn, tough titties, Kemo!”
“Tonto, I’ve been diagnosed with a cancer.”
“You need Kemo-therapy, Sabe!”
That’s what Ben TOLD everyone to believe. Notice how no one in Virginia City ever asked how Adam was doing “in college,” or that Adam never sent a single letter home; nor did anyone ever made a single comment, much less express sympathy to Ben or Joe after Hoss died.
Ben had the entire Nevada Territory playing, It’s a Good Life!
Henry Fonda in Once upon a Time in the West. Gunned down an entire family in cold blood and enjoyed every second of it. Doesn’t get more dickish than that!
Whoops! Also not TV! 
Indeed. There’s a line where taciturn becomes dickish, and Longmire built that beautiful cabin of his a quarter of a mile past it.
“What happened to your hand?”
“Hurt it.”
Doesn’t it seem like Little Joe would have more of a motive to kill off Adam and Hoss?
If I were adopted son Jamie, I’d leave.
Wasn’t she in Dark Shadows?
A Witness Protection thing.
Any woman who marries a Cartwright dies. I wouldn’t let my daughter date one. Hell, I wouldn’t let her talk to one on the phone…er, telegraph.
Come to think of it, whatever happened to Hop Sing, the Cartrights’ cook?
Rented out as a coolie when the Central Pacific railroad was under construction. All of his pay went directly to Ben for “safekeeping.”
Ben had to get him out of Nevada Territory, since he was the one who’d procured the mushrooms for him. Sadly, Hop Sing died of heat exhaustion as the CPRR was blasting through the Rocky Mountains.
At first glance, maybe. But remember, Ben had already buried two wives before Little Joe was even born.:eek:
Hedy ('That’s Hedley!) Lamarr, ‘Blazing Saddles’.
And they were NOT happy about that, at all!
Yes. That means Adam ended up on the Maine coast at Collin Wood searching for his other family. Somehow, I don’t think he and Barnabas would have hit it off.
Little Joe always was a bit shady. He never gave it away; everybody had to pay and pay. A hustle here and a hustle there…
And it was just one little snakebite… 
I once saw a really low grade semi porn movie where the Lone Ranger was bitten on the end of his cock by a rattle snake and Tonto refused to suck the poison out.
That made the Lone Ranger really mad.
Eidetic memory kicking in: Little Joe Cartwright’s mother was Marie DeMarigny Collins. She had been married and widowed, having a son named Clay Collins who was taken by his paternal grandmother, who left Marie with nothing Marie ended up working as a prostitute in New Orleans, where Ben met her. She died from a fall off a horse.
Or so Ben told everybody.
On the Big Valley, the youngest son Eugene Barkley is studying medicine back east. He disappears after the first year and is never seen again.
All Victoria’s sons were wimpy dicks.
The only Barkley son I liked was Heath, the father’s bastard son.