I’m 26, and only met one guy I was interested in dating more than a handful of times. That lasted three months (well, it was over in two but I put off telling him it was over until after finals). Most of my friends are the same way or were until they met the person they married.
Sometimes it just means a person is really, really picky. For a lot of reasons, my pool of eligible guys to date is very small, and I rarely meet someone interesting enough to bother with.
Frankly, I worry about people who jump from one LTR to another and are rarely without a serious SO. Are they afraid to spend any time alone? Do they settle just to be able to say they’re with someone? Is it because they want to get laid and not seem slutty?
The possibilities on both sides are endless. Get to know the guy and then decide if he’s a weirdo or a commitment-phobe or whatever. But writing him off because he’s never had a relationship last for more than a year is jumping the gun, IMHO.
I’m 23, and have had two long lasting relationships, one of about a year and a half, and the second just about two years. Tons of “couple week” relationships, and a few “one dates”.
I’m 27 male and I’ve had one relationship that lasted more than a year. I’m not really trying to commit very hard, you know? Being committed to a relationship really changes my self-image.
29 – two relationships of about a year each, and no other relationships over 3 months.
What she said.
Also, as a guy with many “macho guy” friends, I can assure you that even the most ardently committment-phobic guys tend to grow out of it at some point. They typically seem to grow out of it right about the time they meet a really incredible woman. So even if he has a reputation as being scared of committment, it only takes one really good relationship to break him of that.
I’m twenty-seven, and boy, this thread makes me feel better. Er, one. Lasted three years, two of 'em married.
That’s ignoring a couple of on-again off-again purely physical-type relationships, one of which lasted intermittently for several years.
I’m 27, and I’ve been in two relationships I would classify as long-term.
I’m with Q.N. Jones on this one. Don’t write him off because of this. If a guy tells you that he’s afraid of commitment, or doesn’t want to make you part of his life–those are reasons to worry. Actually those are reasons to run the other direction.
But I see two good signs in your OP. First, he’s told you that he’s not shy about commitment. Second, he’s including you in future plans (i.e. New Year’s). That’s really great to me. Have fun with it.
These responses don’t shock me one bit. Let’s do some math here… I’m 25. I’ve had exactly one relationship that lasted more then a couple of dates, and that was a high-school gf that I dated for about 18 months. I’m currently in another relationship, we’ve only been dating for just over 2 months but I’m gonna keep her around for awhile.
Assuming that you first start dating at around 16 or so, a 25-year-old would only be able to have a maximum of 9 year-long relationships, and then only if each relationship lasted exactly one year and they went from long-term relationship to long-term relationship immediately.
Honestly, I’d find it suprising for any 25-year old to have more then 3 or 4 long-term relationships.
I have recently passed out of my twenties, and in that decade I had a four-year relationship, and a year-long relationship to follow it. Both of these were for the wrong reasons, and there are strong arguments for not having indulged, in either case.
I would strongly suggest that you not read into his past problems for the future. Enjoy the moment, guard your heart, and let him sink or swim on his own merits.
Some people are just not very interested in relationships at some times in their lives. I’m 21 and have never been in one, or been very interested in anyone. Maybe one day I will be, or maybe I won’t. One day at a time.
If you really like him, I wouldn’t sweat small stuff like this. If he won’t commit to a serious relationship later, deal with it when it happens.
I’m 25 and I’ve never been in a relationship. (deep breath) whew, glad that’s over with. I thought my situation was a rarity, but I’m glad I have company. like mentioned above, there is nothing (too) wrong with me… I’m just picky with who I want to be in a relationship with, and I haven’t found a girl yet that I want to make the jump with.
Jennyrosity, it’s just quite possible he didn’t want to spend a long time with those people. but don’t freak out, you’ll figure out more about him as you go along.
I wouldn’t worry. If you find that he is the type of person who just can’t have a long term relationship, then you will find out in the short term by default.
I am 24 and I am in my third long term relation ship right now. 3yrs-4yrs-2+years.
I am very selective when I date and I think that makes a difference. Maybe you should find out why his relationships don’t last instead of focusing on the fact that he hasn’t had many.
I’m 25 and have been in no relationship longer than 3 or 4 weeks (I get bored REAL easily). A 9 month relationship would be an eternity to me, so I don’t think you should worry about anything Jennyrosity, especially if he’s asked you about New Year’s. Apparently he’s planning to stick around for at least a couple more months, so I would say, yes, you’re freaking out about nothing.
I’m 30, no long-term relationships to my credit. But I like to think that I don’t have commitment issues, it’s just that women have giving-me-the-time-of-day issues.
I just turned 31, but I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 23, so I’ll let myself post here as a late-bloomer.
I’ve only had three true committed relationships, but only one of them lasted more than half a year - I was with my wife for almost 27 months (counting the 5 months we lived together before getting married). I was only with my first girlfriend for about five months, and for most of that we were separated by 2000 miles. I was with my second girlfriend for 4 months, though the relationship did allow for dating other people, we didn’t and we were definitely a ‘couple’.
I’m halfway between 24 and 25, and I’ve had exactly zero long-term relationships. In addition, I’ve had exactly zero short-term relationships. I’ve only ever been on one date ever, and that two years ago with a friend.
So look at it this way: your new beau’s higher up on the curve than I am.
I’ll be 26 in December and I’ve had 3 serious relationships.
7 month, 2 years and 2 years. And a bunch of shorter relationships in between the biggies. I think I start getting a bit antsy at the two year mark.
I agree with whoever said that I’d be more worried about someone who constantly jumped from one long term relationship to another than someone who hasn’t been in many long term relationships in general. That strikes me as someone that might have a co dependent personality.
And that would be why I’m bound and determined to stay single for the next year.
