I’m asking 'cos I just found out that my new bloke’s longest relationship was only 9 months and I’m a bit freaked out by that as it suggests commitment issues to me. I’m 25 and I’ve one year (ish) long relationship, and one which lasted nearly 4 years. Judging by my friends, I’m not unusual in this. He’s 27 and I can’t help but wonder why he’s not had a lasting relationship (I’m classing “long-term” as a year or more, btw). He says he doesn’t have a problem with commitment, he just hadn’t met anyone he wanted to commit to. So, my question is, compared to other Dopers, is his situation usual? And am I freaking out over nothing? I should add that he’s already talking about what we’re going to do for New Year, and he asked me the other night if I thought I’d ever get married, so he doesn’t seem to be commitment-shy. But I got badly hurt in my last relationship - it’s taken nearly two years to feel ready for another one - so I’m somewhat wary.
I’m a 26 year old guy, and have been in two long term relationships. The first lasted about two years, and the second is over two years and still going strong.
Personally, I think it’s odd that he’s 27 and hasn’t been involved with someone longer than 9 months. In about 10 years’ dating, he hasn’t found anyone he could last the 4 seasons with? But that’s just me…
My follow-up question would be, how many relationships has he had, and how quick was he to go from one to the other? Basically, if he’s been averaging > 2 a year for the last decade, I wouldn’t make any long term plans around him.
With the obvious caveat that it might be difficult to ask “how many relationships/year have you had, on average?”
Be careful with your emotions. At least after 2 years, we can say you aren’t jumping into anything too quickly. Good luck!
Nooooooooo, you weren’t supposed to say that!! You’re supposed to tell me I’m freaking out over nothing! Aaagh, I really like this guy too…
Scurries off into corner to knaw on fingernails and work herself up into a panic.
You’re freaking over nothing. (one reply does not really represent a good sample now, does it!)
I’m 29 and I’ve only had 4 long term relationships. 1 of them 8 months, and 3 of them 6 months, so your man beats me.
Why are you freaked out that a guy doesn’t have baggage? Jeez! Be relieved you’ve found someone that isn’t just going to go on about previous relationships.
Most guys don’t have a problem with commitment, since most guys aren’t stereotypes.
One, going on about 10 years.
I’m 26(guy) and I’ve only had one serious, long-term relationship. Of course it lasted 7 years so I guess I’m covered.
Well… I’m only the first person to respond… give some other posters a little time!
Like I say, it’s just my opinion. I haven’t dated a lot of people-- some might say “Only 2 significant relationships at age 26? Is there something wrong with him?” I dunno, maybe. heh.
Trust your instincts. So far so good, right?
I’m 25, and have never been in a relationship longer than 4 months. I’ve just never met someone who I was interested in where the shit didn’t hit the fan after a few months.
I think there’s nothing wrong with this, and you definately shouldn’t condemn the guy just yet. Perhaps you’ll be his first long term relationship.
I’m 28, and we’ve been together for over 11 years now. Our 6th wedding anniversary was last weekend.
I’m in my very late 20’s and am on relationship number three. One for about a year and a half, one for about 5 years, and the current one (if you can call it that) is going on for another year and a half and still going.
I’m 24 and I haven’t really had any. My first relationship back in high school lasted about 8 months total, and my last real relationship ended about two years ago, and from start to finish, that was only about 5 months. So, yeah, I feel pathetically lame. Like many others, I just don’t seem find that many girls I’m willing to commit that much to, and those that I do find interesting enough tend to find me a “very good friend”.
Oh well, one of these days, I’ll find the right girl. Or just buy a club and a cave and do things the old fashioned way.
I’m almost 27 and have never had a long-term relationship. I don’t think I’m a commitment phobe. I like to say that I’m a “late bloomer”. When I meet a guy and it clicks and we stick, that will be cool. Until then, I go to parties, socialize, and work my friend network totally comfortable in my late bloomerness. Don’t overthink be happy that you click and stick.
i earlier had relationships lasting just 3 -4 months…anyway…i wud never commit , so my girls invariably drifetd apart after some time…
ever since i have been in this new realtion…things have changed for me…we hav been 2gether for almost 1 and a 1/2 yr now…( actually 3 yrs if i add the time we spent on net , chatting with each other …we met after 1 and a i/2 yr of chatting and we are still togerther ,i think we’ll stay that way …
See, that’s part of the problem. Experience has taught me that my instincts suck.
Just the one, we’re going on 2 or 3 years now. I dunno how long exactly. Before that, I’ve dated two girls, each lasted about three months. 23 here.
Three. One was my high school sweetie, that lasted 3 1/2 years. My marriage lasted three years. (sensing theme…)
My current relationship has been going on for over a year now, and everything is wonderful. We argue sometimes, but we are good at realizing what is important to one another and wether the fight is really worth having. I’m happy, he is happy. Life is good.
Well… maybe… Don’t beat yourself up, that won’t get you anywhere.
Is there anything else that bugs you about him, or is it just this? If there are no issues, then Lord Ashtar is probably correct, don’t condemn him… At least give him a chance to scew up for real first!
I’m 22, and I’ve had three long-lasting relationships… one in high school, a year-long relationship since then, and my current relationship is rounding the tail of the second year. But I wouldn’t take it as proof that there’s something wrong with the guy… maybe he’s just decisive and doesn’t stick around for bad relationships to sour?
I’m 27 and have had one long-term relationship (nineteen months). I would like to think there is nothing wrong with me, but lately I’m not so sure.
Anyway, I don’t think your guy’s past is all that unusual.
I’m 22- still working on my one (theoretically only) long term relationship. I met Mr. Armadillo about four years ago, wedding is tenatively planned for next year. Hadn’t had a boyfriend to speak of before him, mostly because I never met any male person I was interested in dating. Most of my friends in high school were male, but until I met him I was never emotionally attracted to anyone in the sense that I could potentially see spending the rest of my life with them. I never dated anyone until I found someone worth dating. It could be he’s just not yet found that person?
As for Mr. Armadillo’s stats, he had one long term girlfriend in high school, whom he dated for two years. They broke up during their senior year, he had one short “this is going nowhere” sort of relationship (lasted one month) during his… sophmore year? of college. We met (online) at the beginning of our freshman year, but didn’t start “dating” until end of second year. So put him down for a total of two.
I could definitely see myself being in that situation–27 and never had a long term relationship–had I not met “that person”. I just was never interested in casual dating, or dating someone for the sake of dating, which a lot of my friends did (do). For example, I had female friends in high school who’d been dating the same person for two years, for no real reason other than he was good looking and they wanted a boyfriend. I mean, they liked each other well enough and all, but yanno–no long term thought or deep connection. Which is fine for 'most everbody it seems, I’m just not interested my own self. Long term doesn’t necessarily mean it was a quality relationship or true commitment. Given the choice and all else being equal, I think I’d rather have someone who’d had one or two good, meaningful relationships than someone who’s a serial monogamist–or, for that matter, someone who hasn’t had a strong, meaningful, long term relationship, but for the right reasons. Does that make sense?