Alright dopers, here’s the deal. I got into a heated debate the other day with a co-worker about our respective techniques for dropping a deuce. I have two questions for the teeming millions.
First, for us men, when sitting on the throne, in an optimally comfortable environment such as your residence, do you tuck your junk or let it fall where it may? Do you have another specific technique? If yes, explain.
Lastly, do you wipe your bum front to back or back to front?
I argued that wiping back to front was gross due to the fact that it drags the poo forward onto the nards, he claimed that this wasn’t a problem with his technique. I understand for women that this, back to front style presents hygenic issues not encountered by us males so these are both questions more for the swangin’ dicks of the board.
Anyway, I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say about this subject. Thanks in advance for the replies.
I wipe front to back, then back to front, then front to back… thus avoiding the possibility of leaving er. stuff. When you wipe anything anywhere there will inevitably be something left behind when you lift off, so you always wipe (tables, faces, bums) in both directions.
Or I do. I use andrex moist wipes for my giant arse.
I did fail to mention that I also use the wet wipes, for the fresh and clean feeling after the wiping process. Also, I have never heard of the alternating directions method although it does make sense for maximum cleansing. Does one who employs that method always start the process with the same directional pattern? Thanks for the replies and keep them coming.
I do. Always away from the dangly bits. To avoid moving stuff too close to them.
I fold up some dry paper several times. Wipe, reverse the last fold so it can be reused, wipe again, fold again (so it’s half the size now) wipe again. Wipe with three sheets of wet-wipe, fold, wipe again. Wipe with some more dry (to get rid of the dampness left behind by the wet wipes) flush, pull up, tuck in, zip, belt, wash hands, pull face in mirror, open window.
Tucking the cock & balls into the front of the commode lid so that during the dump, if you have the urge to evacuate the bladder, you can do so. Now, that being said, I do NOT practice the “tuck” anywhere but at my own house or the restrooms of immediate family members. Anywhere else, I use the “lift the junk out of the way” so that the business does not touch the seat at all.
I’m having a hard time imagining (in more ways than one) how you actually sit on a toilet. I thought it was pretty standard to sit on a toilet in such a way that your dangly bits dangle inside the toilet, never touching the seat. Are you telling me there are other ways?
What type of toilet do you have anyway. Mine is big enough to handle #1 and #2 at the same time, I really don’t know where I would tuck my ‘junk’, I didn’t even know it was a option, actually I still don’t.
OK, let me try to provide the much needed visual for yous. In certain situations where I do not feel intimately comfortable with the facilities, I will hold the dangly bits up manually while “going”, or lift them then close the legs enough while seated, to elevate them sufficiently so that they do not come in direct contact with the porcelain. As for the tucking, I am confident we are all talking about the same thing. Letting the dangly bits hang between the legs, inside the bowl. Only problem that occasionally arises from this position (which I generally use) is the possibility of accidentally brushing the inside of the bowl with my junk, or getting some inadvertant splashage during a courtesy flush.
OK, you either have really massive bits or are encountering some really small toilets. I’ve never had to worry about my bits touching percelain or anything else…
Unless… do you sit really close to the front of the loo?
I sit nearish to the back. My … deposit… hits the porcelain at the back, but it avoids splashback and the flush is there for more than just sending the stuff on it’s journey to the sea.
I ususally feel the urge to #1 when I #2, and I always aim my gun to discharge into the water.
Sometimes I will put my hand over my cock to make sure it doesn’t touch the rim or seat of an unknown toilet as I sit down but once seated I just let it hang, with maybe some help in directional fire. Holding it ‘up’ (so if it does ‘fire’ it will be way off target) just makes no sense to me at all unless the water level int he bowl is so high, not giving your ‘junk’ enough clearence to avoid dipping the ‘barrel’ below waterline.
I am a large guy, 6’3" about 255 lbs., and I don’t use an unusually large or small john. A standard size toilet presents the aforementioned problems for me. The problem is, even sitting as far back as I can, I am not afforded enough room in the front between my junk and the front inside portion of the seat to facilitate any accurate type of aim. Therefore, I just let my boys hang, which like I stated, sometimes results in an inadvertant brushing of my member on the inner bowl, or a splashing of the nards and ween during a courtesy flush. I don’t have elephant genetalia, but I’m not hung like a pimple either.
Lobsang-- you probably know this but might slip your mind, but American toilets have a LOT more water in them than Euro ones, so guys here CAN get their stuff dipped even if they aren’t elephantine. Like your dropping on the back of the bowl simply can’t happen here because of the toilet shape. Maybe everyone should note their location for water level/ bowl shape standards?
I am from the US, and at my house I have a standard round commode. It has a regular full circular type seat rather than the one with the two halves and the small section removed from the front, or wiener section. And capybara is right, you don’t have to be John Holmes to have your junk get wet. Anyway, I hope this thread gets back on track and I get some responses, I want to be vindicated in this particular argument. Even if it doesn’t, it is still funny as feck.
I am from the US, and at my house I have a standard round commode. It has a regular full circular type seat rather than the one with the two halves and the small section removed from the front, or wiener section. And capybara is right, you don’t have to be John Holmes to have your junk get wet. Anyway, I hope this thread gets back on track and I get some responses, I want to be vindicated in this particular argument. Even if it doesn’t, it is still funny as feck.
I think therein is the problem. A round front commode does infringe on the dangly bits, even if you’re not Harry McHorse. Elongated bowls offer that courtesy space such that you’re not obsessed with touching part of the loo, and can concentrate on the magazine you brought along.
Even with the elongated bowl, the angle from front to back is such that the tip of the nubbin will bump the bottom of the bowl. On a side note, aren’t the round cans much more common in residential homes than the elongated varieties?
