Two English folk song parodies

I am trying to recall and reconstruct two parodies I heard based on two old English folk songs. I have bits and pieces of the verses, but can’t remember the rest. Please bear with me:

Based on “Early on Morning”, tone of the song decrying the loss of the ‘traditional English pub’

Early one evening, just as the pubs were opening,
A traveller came walking down the cold and rainy street
He saw a door a-jar, entered the public bar:
“Landlord I would like a pint and something nice to eat.”

"I fancy some crusty bread and roast beef of old Eng-a-land,
A tangy home-made pickle and some butter from the churn,
<Rest of verse missing, musing about playing darts with the locals>

<Other verses>

<And basically the bartender offers him something like a pre-packaged sandwich and a can of beer and an arcade game. Something in there too about the traveller sitting near a jukebox at a

…polystyrene inglenook,
Its plastic beams vibrating to the electronic sound."

Can’t remember the rest.
Based on "The Wraggle-Taggle Gypsies"

<Upper-class man comes home from work, and finds out from the servants that his wife has run off with “the hippies and the hairies, oh”.

Remembered verses:

“Go fetch my Rolls SOMETHING SOMETHING
For the Daimler’s not so speedy, oh,
And I shall drive 'til I find her alive
Or dead with the hippies and the hairies, oh.”

<Other verses>

“Oh what care I for your house and car,
The washing machine and freezer, oh?
<Words to the effect that the wife has time-bombed the house>
To explode in the middle of ‘The Jimmy Young Show’.”

Can’t remember the rest.

I used to have a tape with these, but cannot find it any more. Would any Doper please help me with this?

The first one is “Public Bar” by Miles Wooton and the second one doesn’t come up on Google. If you want to read the lyrics to the first one just enter the first two lines into google and they have the whole thing there, screech.

Keith

Well here’s the full lyrics for the first one so you can jolly along the folks at work. Can’t help you with a recording – I’ll dig out the guitar and computer mic if you like. My best advice is to not take up that offer.

http://www.cavepage.magna.com.au/cave/drinking.html