Two New Chick Tracts! Get 'em while they're hot!

The Little Bride

Both are vintage Chick. The first one starts kind of slow but ultimately pays off with an insane, semi-coherent rant against the “Satan’s” Catholic Church which Chick somehow blames for the problems in the middle east.

The second one is another adventure in the life of that wretched little brat called Suzy. In today’s episode, she takes it upon herself to harrangue her new Muslim neigbors with the usual Chick screed about the “Moon God.” Suzy also calls Mohammed a pedophile in this one. I kind of wish it was possible to issue a *fatwah[/i against a comic book character.


I find it comforting that, in this period when the SDMB seems torn and divided, we can come together as one, take each others hand in fellowship, and in one voice say, “That guy is fucking nuts!”

Grandpa walks around in a bow-tie, Members Only jacket, and a eye patch? Grandpa is one stone-cold pimp!

Oh My Fucking God, that guy is bonkers.

In The Squatters, he writes:

Hmm, I always thought Jesus loves everyone. It’s hard to believe he hates Catholics and calls the church a whore. Geeez.

Diogenes, in the spirit of board unity dropzone alluded to, is it time for another “Write Your Own Chick Tract”? Those were a bunch of fun in the past.

Well, I am pleased. According to “Squatters,” the world doesn’t fucking end at World War 3. And apparently, there’s going to be plenty of time, after the slashing and nuking, to carve out my awesome Mad Max niche! How can I lose?!


Years ago, I used to see tons of people handing Chick Tracts out on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. Like right in front of Crate ‘n’ Barrel. Has anybody else ever received one of these hand-to-hand?

Sure, I’m down for it. Anyone else?

There’s even a little ballot at the end of that Track. What if God loses my vote? I’m fucking screwed!!!

Right after I graduated High School, I worked as a gas station attendant. I worked in the mornings on Saturdays and Sundays and there was one elderly couple that would come in every Saturday morning, fill up their tank and give me a Chick tract as a “tip”.

Actually, it always brightened up my morning, although not in the way they expected I suppose. I wish I had held on to all of them.

I’m as big a fan of Jack Chick’s lunacy as anyone here but I think he’s starting to lose it. Did anyone else notice that Jack condemns replacement theology in Squatters, a contradiction from most of his previous tracts such as Where’s Rabbi Waxman? L’il Suzy… someone needs to put out a contract on her. Can we get OBL to do something useful for a change?

I think any new Chick parody we do wil have to feature “Lil’ Suzy” as well as Ms. Henn. I like creepy Grandpa Eyepatch too.

I’ve never been given one (just handouts from the Baptists mainly) but lately I’ve been finding these laying around in places where people might pick them up out of curiousity.

Like the main desk at the library, and on the bench at the bus stop.

Picking on Jack Chick is too easy. I mean, seriously, if you go to the extreme right wing of the religio/political spectrum, poor old Jack is about 40 miles beyond that.

Just too easy.

In other news: The cursed Boston Red Sox win the 2004 World Series.

What next? The NHL gets back together and sings kum-ba-yah on the ice in one big fundraiser? Oh wait, I’m an idolater because I’m a Devil Worshipper, and we won the Stanley Cup a few times.

Mr. Chick, am I going to HELL for making a lame pun-based joke?

Wow. What a double whammy. Jack Chick is really outdoing himself. These two are as about bizarre, offensive and just plain wrong in so many ways as his very worse. It’s almost breath-taking. Where do you start picking apart such an avalanche of bile?

Is it just me, or is Lil’ Susie getting taller? And what are we to make of them nasty Muslims heading off for the airport of all places!!!

Maybe I’ve been watching too much Adult Swim, but in his first couple panels Grandpa Eyepatch reminded me way too much of Phil Sebben. Like his response to Li’l Suzy’s question “What are Muslims?” should’ve been, “Ha ha! Squatters!”

*(jumping up and down and waving my hand) * Me! Me! I loved doing those things. But what will our subject be?

Anyone else notice the side-swipe at muslims?

“Amir, we’re going to the airport!”

Classy, Jack. Real classy.

I can tell that you’re new around here.

We know that Chick is a class by himself. No one thinks otherwise and he is not being held up in any way as being representative of either conservatives or Christians or conservative Christians.

It’s a longstanding SDMB tradition to pore over each new Chick tract purely for entertainment value. There is nothing political about it and conservatives participate in these threads as much as anyone.

It might sound strange but we are some of Jack Chick’s most avid fans. We adore these little comics. They provide us with laughter and joy. You will find that there is actually very little anger in these threads. The tracts are so far out that it’s hard to be really offended. The spirit of these Chick threads is more like an MST3000 episode than anything else. We like to break them down panel by panel and crack jokes.

Don’t worry, nobody here holds even the rightest of the rightest accountable for these tractcts. They transcend politics and religion. They are pure entertainment.

Not until you mentioned it, though I did find that line a bit out of place.

What was the first one about anyways? I can never seem to make it through a tract without the porcelain God calling me away…