Two telephone rants

Two minor telephone rants:

#1 - To the dickhead who called Saturday morning.

Hey moron, if you absolutely have to call someone at 2:15 in the freaking AM on a Saturday morning, would you at least do us the common courtesy of making sure that you’re dialing the correct number? Or, if as more likely, your semi-evolved brain is incapable of operating such a complex object as a telephone, I suggest that you stop using it. Now.

Also, at least have the decency to apologize for waking us up at that obscene hour. Don’t curse into the phone and hang up. You’re the one who screwed up, not me. Fuckhead.

#2 To the persons running State Senator Sphincter’s re-election campaign.

Hey dimbulbs, here’s a clue. Hiring someone to call up area voters and claim to be conducting a poll, but in fact using this ‘poll’ to try and impugn and slander Senator Sphincter’s oppponent does not, in any way, make me more likely to cast my vote for Senator Sphincter.

When your telemarketer asked me if I was more likely to vote for Senator Sphincter or his opponent, Representative , I answered "". When the follow-up question was “Would it make you more or less likely to vote for *** knowing that he misses committee meetings, bites off the heads of small dogs, and has been linked to a secret love triangle with Osama Bin Ladin and Fidel Castro”, you made it clear that (a) you were not in fact conducting a legitimate voter poll and (b) your candidate is willing to resort to base tricks of the foulest kind to retain his senatorial seat. That makes me even less likely to vote for your candidate. I hope his ass gets ousted this November and he has to try and find a real job.

Thank you.

I would type up a modified version of this and send it to the candidate, explaining to him why he or she lost your vote. I would also send this to the opposing candidates, explaining why their opponent is screwing up.

On second thought, I might not send the first letter. :smiley:

OMG these telephone “survey” people can be SO transparent! We got a call the other night, purporting to be doing a survey, that, when I didn’t answer the questions the way they liked, the woman pretty much said, “Well, we’re with ‘Such and Such Group’ so we wouldn’t be interested in your support anyway,” and hung up. :eek:

I can’t recall their name, but after a full 60 second, full-speed, uninterrupted (except for my giggling) spiel, she launched into her first question, which was something like; “Do you agree that Hollywood controls most of the movies our children are subjected to, and that they are far too violent and sexual in nature?” “Well, actually, no, I wouldn’t agree with that at all.”

“Well, would you agree then that ‘some-other-ridiculous-question-about-Eeeevil-Hollywood’?” “No, I really don’t think so. No.”

That’s when I was summarily dismissed. HA!

It’s called push polling. They actually aren’t doing polling at all, (they often don’t even keep count of the responses). And they are NOT going to a random selection like a real poll, but to specific groups – those who regularly vote but are independent or unknown.

A really sophisticated operation will have the targets broken down by issue, and adjust the ‘push’ questions based on that. For example, if you are identified as having school-age children, they will ask ‘would it affect your vote if you knew that Rep. *** supported hiring only convicted child molesters as school teachers?’
(Note that they haven’t actually lied to you – they didn’t say Rep. *** supported this, just asked if it would change your vote if he did.)

It’s a typical sign of a crooked, and also desperate campaign. (Desperate because this takes time & costs money, more than a real poll. So it’s mainly used when a campaign is in trouble.)

Best fight-back response is to just completely agree with them, let them think this has persuaded you. That results in:

  1. their campaign is fooled, they think this desperate ploy is working.
  2. they will mark you as a supporter, and give you a remember-to-vote call on election day, thus wasting effort.

Don’t bother writing letters; they will ignore them, and the opponent already knows about this dirty trick.

You could write a letter to the local paper or radio call-in show about this. And do tell all your friends about it, and encourage them to vote for Rep. ***.

I had fun with one of these pollsters. Whatever he said, I just said it was ok and I would still vote for the other guy. As the poll went on, you could tell the questions became more “revealing”. For example, " If you were told that Senator **** likes to have sex with chickens, rape babies and then dance aorund the fire praying to Satan, would that make you vote for our candidate?"

My answer: Sure, I support all those things.

I used to work for a legitimate polling firm, and we actually did occasionally get questions like that. The idea was that they’d measure the effectiveness of various smears so they could choose one to focus on in their ads.

My old boss used to love getting these calls (the office was always slow in the middle of the week). He used to ask if the candidate would be willing to come paint his house, whack a competitor, babysit, or my own personal favorite, be willing to swear an oath to get those damn commies and bomb them back to the stone age.

He enjoyed the phone service calls much more.

Yes, thank you. I knew there was a name for it, but couldn’t remember it while typing up the post.

Calling me at 9 AM on a Saturday? Not OK, people. My family and friends know better, but I do have to keep my phone plugged in in case of medical emergency on the part of one of the relatives. 9 AM? For God’s sake.